Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Blanking - is it really as intentional as some people think?

30 replies

Swebby · 19/02/2022 09:18

I seen a fair few threads here about ‘being blanked’ recently and I want to see if my gut response seems unreasonable - that blanking is very often (almost never?) intentional.

When I am out and about, and especially when I am deep in conversation with someone else I am not at all aware of other people going about their business around me. If I am walking along my eyes are generally not focused on the faces of people crossing my path, so I could very easily walk past someone I know only in passing and not be aware of them.

I meet a lot of people in passing due to my job, and I’d hate to think they are upset that I don’t acknowledge them if I’m in their vicinity again in a different context. (Obviously if they call out/say hi to me I would 100% notice at that point!)

So AIBU or are there enough other people like me out there to reassure people who think they are being ignored that that is not what is happening - the worst that is happening is that they have not been noticed? (Which may have its own emotional response as well I suppose.)

OP posts:
CounsellorTroi · 19/02/2022 09:37

When I am out and about, and especially when I am deep in conversation with someone else I am not at all aware of other people going about their business around me. If I am walking along my eyes are generally not focused on the faces of people crossing my path, so I could very easily walk past someone I know only in passing and not be aware of them.

YANBU. I’m like this, I’m often deep in thought. I think it’s an ADHD thing. Also some people are not good at recognising faces, there is a name for it.

ThatsNotMyGolem · 19/02/2022 09:38

"Blanking" is usually the province of the over-dramatic Facebooker who things everyone is a snake out to use her.

taylorsdoingapart · 19/02/2022 09:39

I'm partially deaf (it's not common knowledge), and I don't recognise faces so I'm sure I've accidentally blanked people before.

TicTacHoh · 19/02/2022 09:40

Yanbu. People are far too self obsessed.

BestKnitterInScotland · 19/02/2022 09:44

Totally agree. People on the school run or in the supermarket or anywhere else are totally absorbed in their own life and what they're doing. They aren't even thinking about smiling and acknowledging people they barely know or were introduced to once.

Exactly the same scenario as people who complain that they are being excluded by cliques at the school gates, when it just turns out that it's a couple of people who know each other already, and the OP has some weird expectation of the school gates being one massive happy friendship event.

SuspiciousScully · 19/02/2022 09:45

I have mild face-blindness and can really struggle to recognise people, especially out of context. I'm so worried about people thinking I'm 'blanking' them that I often over compensate and end up smiling at/saying 'hi' to pretty much everyone I pass in the village.

I'm sure I have a reputation as the crazy lady who thinks she knows everyone...and I probably still manage to miss parents from the school run etc. and also end up accidentally offending people.

Some people do seem determined to assume the absolute worst about everyone around them!

Beth13579 · 19/02/2022 09:47

At the moment, with masks and winter hats, you have a good excuse. I've met people I know quite well in shops over the last few months and had to remove all my garb before they realise who I am!

PrettyBluebells · 19/02/2022 09:51

I completely agree, getting blanked is rarely intentional and nothing is meant by it. I've even been known to do it myself if I'm in a rush or I'm busy, it's not specific to that person just specific to that situation. Some people are so self absorbed though.

neverbeenskiing · 19/02/2022 09:53

I have been accused of 'blanking' people in the past and it's honestly not something I would ever do intentionally. It's just that I'm always preoccupied when I'm out and about. Either I've got my music on so I'm focused on that, or I'm making lists in my head of the errands I need to get done while I'm out. If I'm with the DC my attention will be on them, especially in busy places as DS(3) is a 'runner'! I'm not scanning faces in the crowd looking for people I know unless I've specifically arranged to meet someone.

Original poster
Swebby · 19/02/2022 09:53

Phew! I wonder if this will be at all helpful for people thinking they are being deliberately ignored? @SuspiciousScully When I’m anywhere near work I do tend to keep a vague half smile on my face just in case too.

OP posts:
edenhills · 19/02/2022 09:56

I'm mild face blind too so I probably blank multiple people every day! I have loved wearing a mask out as it feels like an excuse to not see people. I hate having to make small talk with people who I have no idea who they are!

thepeopleversuswork · 19/02/2022 10:19

Totally agree. It’s so teenage and self-absorbed.

Usually the preface to some long rant about “school gate mums” (WTF even are they) and how they have deliberately excluded you.

Utterly pathetic.

Svara · 19/02/2022 10:22

I'm autistic and I do this, I rarely notice people I know when out.

RitaFires · 19/02/2022 10:26

I remember when I was a teenager, I got told I had blanked someone and that I was really mean. I'd never met this person so I legitimately didn't recognise her, she was apparently friends with someone in my class at school and had seen me from a distance once. So I always associate blanking with teenage mean girl behavior.

Camomila · 19/02/2022 10:30

I think I have face blindness too - I went to a party with DS1 recently and couldn't recognise half his class in their own clothes running about! (I guess I recognise them all by their coats and who picks them up at home time!)

EthicalNonMahogany · 19/02/2022 10:31

I blank unintentionally all.the.time. I'm honestly not thinking about other people at all in the street/shops whatever. I'm focused on the task I am there to do. If someone attracts my attention and says hello there is no way I would ignore them.

I advise anyone who thinks they are being blanked to give a little wave and say "Hello BlankerName!" It's a win win.

Either they're a nice person who was preoccupied and they'll be touched and delighted to be hailed (as I would be) or if they are being rude, it calls them out on it. If they continue to blank after you saying hello they look really weird! So it's a brilliant pas-ag way for you to look breezy, in control, and absolutely on the moral high ground.

Poptart4 · 19/02/2022 10:35

Ive been accused of blanking someone before. They told a mutual friend we were in the same shop and I never said "hi" to her.

The thing is I never even noticed her but she clearly saw me, so why didn't she say "hi" to me?

deeplyrooted · 19/02/2022 10:35

I think I do this a lot. I adore the people who wave maniacally at me, or cross the street to get in my face to say hello and don’t assume I mean anything by it.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 19/02/2022 10:36

Being absorbed talking to someone else is where I get stuck, particularly at collection. Arrive, say hi to one person, two others look round and say hi, one jumps into a quick story, then the kids start coming and I've no idea if I ever said hi back to one of the others or not, never mind whoever arrived after me.

Original poster
Swebby · 19/02/2022 10:37

@EthicalNonMahogany

I blank unintentionally all.the.time. I'm honestly not thinking about other people at all in the street/shops whatever. I'm focused on the task I am there to do. If someone attracts my attention and says hello there is no way I would ignore them.

I advise anyone who thinks they are being blanked to give a little wave and say "Hello BlankerName!" It's a win win.

Either they're a nice person who was preoccupied and they'll be touched and delighted to be hailed (as I would be) or if they are being rude, it calls them out on it. If they continue to blank after you saying hello they look really weird! So it's a brilliant pas-ag way for you to look breezy, in control, and absolutely on the moral high ground.

This is the best advice!
OP posts:
RavenclawsRoar · 19/02/2022 10:38

Yanbu! I'm either wrangling my small children which takes all my attention or I'm in a bit of a daydream. I am the least observant person ever (one of my biggest fears is being in the vicinity of a crime and being questioned by the police because I would have literally no idea what anyone was doing / looked like). I must blank people constantly but it is in no way personal!

GreenDressRedWine · 19/02/2022 10:40

Yes I do this too, I have a problem placing people if they’re out of context, I usually recognise someone shortly after seeing them. If you try to explain it then it just seems to make it worse. I’m often in my own head thinking 10 things at once and it takes me a second to tune back in to the world which is just enough time for someone to feel awkward and assume they’ve been blanked. I also have ADHD - not sure if there’s any connection.

Comedycook · 19/02/2022 10:40

My dds best friends mum would blank me all the time...I used to think she hated me! As I got to know her, I've discovered she's a really lovely,kind lady...just in her own world sometimes

Thirkettle · 19/02/2022 10:42

They're just weirdos. They think they're the main character in the movie and everyone owes them a look and a cheery smile. They're not being blanked, they're just literally an NPC, an utter stranger. They're so self absorbed they're baffled the whole room hasn't burst into a Disney song.

Onlyforcake · 19/02/2022 10:43

I'm very focused on what I'm doing too. When I've been accused of blanking people very rarely) I have always said "it's a shame you didn't say hi if you saw me" and basically pigeonholed them as a bit oddity who notices someone but doesn't say hi, THEN moans about it?!

Swipe left for the next trending thread