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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

best friend annoyed about invite

31 replies

1butterflies1 · 18/02/2022 20:55

Recently moved into a flat with a friend, and we’re having a little housewarming. Nothing huge, just some close mates and some drinks. Invited my very best friend, let’s call her Alice, and her long distance partner, she stays with him pretty much all the time so I rarely get to see her anymore so I was super excited. Her partner can’t get much time of work so he is rarely down here to visit her.
Alice asked if she could invite her brother and his partner too. I said that I really wasn’t sure, as we only have a small flat and quite squeezed for numbers. I also don’t know her brother very well and it’s only really a close friends thing, not a huge house party. So I said I’d check with my housemate. I never actually said no.

Alice has now got really arsey, saying that she’s really shocked that I didn’t understand. She said that because she’s never home anymore, her and her partner never get any other time to see her brothers etc. She said she would never have hesitated to say yes it was the other way round. She said it would make it easier for her to kill two birds with one stone and see everyone, and to ease her situation. She’s shocked I “couldn’t say yes for her sake”.

Ive said it’s not a big deal and that they can come but she’s now not replying.
Am I right in thinking it’s not really my problem how often she sees her family? It’s hurting as she’s one of my closest friends and she’s now saying she isn’t coming.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 18/02/2022 20:57

Two more people, Important to your closest friend? Honestly? Wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/02/2022 20:58

A yes, obviously.

If it’s really so tiny that two more would make such a difference, a party is probably not the best plan. A dinner party instead?

Original poster
1butterflies1 · 18/02/2022 20:59

It’s only because I have another housemate to consider and I didn’t just want to not run it by her. Especially as the flat is so small. If it was my own place i would’ve said yes instantly

OP posts:
Asiama · 18/02/2022 21:02

I think YANBU but for different reasons. Makes me wonder if she wants to spend time with you, as it seems she would only come if her brother can too.

Isntisironic1 · 18/02/2022 21:02

I personally think your friend is being out of order, she can choose to see her brother whenever she wants. I would never ask for one of my siblings to come to one of my friends parties (and we’re incredibly close)

BoldMove · 18/02/2022 21:04

Just send her text explaining what you've said on here and say you hope she's not taken offence being that you haven't heard from her and that you don't want to fall out over something so small after (however long you've been friends for)years. Or just ring her and have a chat to clear the air. Might be more to it than you realise, she might be stressed/ guilty about trying to fit everyone in. Not great but not worth it if you value her friendship otherwise.

Original poster
1butterflies1 · 18/02/2022 21:06

Thanks, I sent her a text explaining how hard it must be and that I want to be there for her and to invite them but she’s completely ignoring me and it’s tomorrow

OP posts:
CupOfNiceTea · 18/02/2022 21:07

YANBU.

Also, you’re a good housemate👍🏻

Sceptre86 · 18/02/2022 21:08

I disagree and think you actually did the right thing. Like you said it was an intimate friend thing not a house party. Its rude to invite others to an event when the host has only invited you. Her and her partner need to make more effort to see her brothers if it's that important to them but they should do so on their own time. You didn't do anything wrong but Alice is a numpty and actually quite entitled and selfish. Is she normally like that?

Ponoka7 · 18/02/2022 21:08

Of course you had to run it past your house mate. I'm sure that you both want to start as you mean to go on. So would consult with them. Your friend should be happy to celebrate with you and accept that you can't always fit everyone in. She's out of order.

Original poster
1butterflies1 · 18/02/2022 21:09

Alice is a really good friend and she’s done an awful lot for me but also she does love drama sometimes and can be selfish at times ☹️

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 18/02/2022 21:11

She doesn't sound very nice, I won't see you unless I bring other people, who you don't know? Is.there an issue do you think? You don't normally see her on her own because of partner, now he's away she still can't see you on her own?

HundredMilesAnHour · 18/02/2022 21:13

She sounds rather self-obsessed. She's the one choosing not to spend time with her brother. If he's that important, surely she could spare a few hours to also see him?

I think you did the right thing checking with your flatmate first. And I think she's being a drama queen and rather spiteful ignoring your messages. I'd be tempted to uninvite the lot of them.

Flickflak · 18/02/2022 21:14

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Stompythedinosaur · 18/02/2022 21:16

She is 100% batshit crazy. It is very rude to want to invite two additional guests to someone else's party, and totally normal for you to be thrown by her rudeness.

m00rfarm · 18/02/2022 21:24

Of course you could not add two more people without mentioning it first to your house mate. She is nuts.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/02/2022 21:25

She isnt much of a friend then is she?

Dont send anymore texts, she is probably loving seeing you beg so let her stew in it.

HelloDulling · 18/02/2022 21:28

She chooses to rarely ever see her own family. Your party has no bearing on this.

JudgeJ · 18/02/2022 21:28

@Asiama

I think YANBU but for different reasons. Makes me wonder if she wants to spend time with you, as it seems she would only come if her brother can too.
She's using your event to facilitate her relationship with her brother and his partner, selfish of her. Is the OP expected to accept all her invited guests turning up with odd extras?
ChaToilLeam · 18/02/2022 21:28

She sounds pretty arsey and rude. You don’t just start inviting other people to a party and then get the hump when the host doesn’t say yes right away.

Smallkeys · 18/02/2022 21:31

You have to check with flat mate as it’s a joint party that’s just a courtesy. My expectation
Would be friends would be happy for that to be ran past flat mate and that flat mate would say cool no problem. YANBU

TheUndoingProject · 18/02/2022 21:37

I think your friend is being cheeky. Of course you can’t just unilaterally invite two more people to a small gathering!

T00Ts · 18/02/2022 21:41

She sounds very self-involved, OP. I’m sorry. She’s probably enjoying you grovelling for her attention now, despite the fact that she should be apologising to you, profusely.

diddl · 18/02/2022 21:49

What a shit friend she is.

"I can't bring who I want to your party so I won't come"

She'll probably agree to come at the last minute & never let you forget what a massive favour that wasHmm

WaitingToExhale · 18/02/2022 21:52

I've lived in tiny accommodations before and yes of course you would have to check with your room mate. I'm surprised at Alice's over reaction. You've explained. Now stop all contact and wait for her reply. If she shows up - great! If not, she's spending time with her brother and hopefully you guys will get over this bump some other time.

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