Was he love bombing or have I got issues?

[Happinessxox]

Hello

I am currently seeing someone and I don't know what to think.

We were only together for 2 months and thinking back, he claimed he was in love with me after our first date, asked me to marry him and he was so keen for me to meet his two kids and have a sleepover. I thought he was lovely and told him i loved him also after a week and started accepting the "marriage proposals". I did put my foot down at meeting his kids right away, I didnt think that was right and their mum should have been aware of that (they are divorced).

Anyway, after 4 weeks I agree to a sleepover with the kids. It was lovely. I know it was wrong too. Then he stared asking me to move in and that he was thinking of looking at better jobs so we could buy a bigger house. I know these are red flags :( but I got caught up in it all and started imagining a life with this guy. I should note he has really bad mental health.

Anyway, we had an argument (i started it) and he claimed that my argument had pushed him into a bad state. So he asked for a week of space so he could work on himself. I agreed. I found it hard as all of the lovey texts stopped. I went over to his house and we spoke. Then he messaged me a few days later saying he needed more space because I didnt respect boundaries. I asked how long and he said 1 month. I was really taken back as we have only been together 2 months. He said if I didnt agree he would have to end things. So I agreed but kept contacting him. We then had a pregnancy scare which he told me he wanted to forget all other issues, they were all trivially now and he can't wait to meet up when we get good news (that im not pregnant). Turns out I wasn't and I excitedly asked him when we would meet, he then said he didn't know. He said he needed time to get better (because of his mental health) and think about us because his therapist said he isn't in a good place for a relationship. He said because of this he is having 2nd thoughts but wants to take this month to think and not make any rash decisions.

I told him I felt done and that I wanted to walk away, he asked if I wanted to end things or "is it because you can't wait". I said i could but there is no middleground. He then said that maybe we should end things. I said I thought it would be best but maybe we would feel differently after space. He said yes and that we should catch up in 1 month. I asked if we were finished or if we were taking this time to think. He ignored me. I then messaged him again and asked him to clarify. He said he didn't know and that he needed time and space to know that. He then asked me "do you want to end things now so you can move on". I said no, i wanted to clarify the situation. I then asked if we would take 1 month to think about things and he said yes.

But I'm thinking.. is he genuinely ill? Is he stringing me along, is this his mental health, was he love bombing at the begining. I feel so weak and stupid. I feel that I pester him now. I need some hard truth ladies, give it to me hard. I know this shout red flags.. I don't recognise this version of myself. Its only been two months. What am I even doing?!

@oopsIdiditagaintoo- I second your "this"!!

The whole thing sounds really unhealthy OP! Never contact him again, block and delete him so you won't get drawn in again and spend some time single. You need to find out why you were so quickly and easily persuaded to go against your better judgement. I'd guess it's maybe because you're a bit lonely and maybe have trouble setting firm boundaries? They're not crimes but you do need to learn to set firm boundaries and stick to them, and to listen to your own inner voice when it's telling you "CAUTION!"!
You knew it was all too much, too soon!
I did this once myself years ago; moved into a flat with a fella because HE wanted me to, was getting upset when I was trying to talk him out of it and I didn't want to hurt HIS feely-weelings! I soon regretted not listening to my own common sense when the fecker left me 3 weeks later and went back to his mother's! That bloke was just weak and a mummy's boy but your man ( EX-man I hope?) sounds manipulative and unstable. Don't let him waste anymore of your time . Move on, learn to love yourself and you will meet a decent man in the end! They do exist!

There is no councillor there is no mental health issues, well at least not the ones he's claiming. He's trying to see how much shit you are willing to accept from him.

He's playing games, he's treating you like shit, and is going to continue to grind you down if you let him.

Give yourself a shake or a slap and block this guy.

Why all this space, asking if I want to move on, if I can't wait, why doesn't he just end it? Especially after what his councillor said.

Don't waste your time and sanity trying to work out why. Maybe he's batshit crazy or a massive manipulator or is married/attached or more than one of the above. It doesn't matter - the point is that he's seriously bad news.

What you should really be mulling over is not his motives, but your boundaries and why you either didn’t see or didn't act on these red flags from earlier on.

It really shouldn't be this hard.
Bin him off OP.
Find someone with fewer issues and less manipulative.

I found it hard work just reading your OP. It must be absolutely exhausting being involved with this man. Surely you'd be better off on your own. You might even get the chance to meet someone to have a normal relationship with.

Enough red flags to make jubilee bunting here.

Run and don’t look back.

He sounds just the type to suck every bit of joy out of your life. I would walk away now

@LibrariesGiveUsPower

Enough red flags to make jubilee bunting here.

Run and don’t look back.

This has made me smile :)

I may have to steal this phrase...

thank you!!!

This relationship sounds like a headfuck and a casualty.
Doesn't matter if he has MH issues or not.
He's done wrong by his kids, kept you on your toes and you aren't yourself. After 2 months. Run away!

Goodness, where to start on red flags.

A new relationship shouldn't be this hard. He's not for you (probably not for anyone else either). Cut your losses and walk away. Block him and stop engaging.

More red flags then at a communist convention.

This is waaaaay too much drama. I was literally shaking my head when I was reading your op and saying this wooooon’t end well, forget him and save yourself a lot of drama and misery.

He’s fucking with you OP. He’s messing you about to see how much you’ll tolerate. Fuck that shit, bin him off and block him everywhere. I was seeing a woman last year and it looked like she’d be like this. Thankfully I sacked her off sharpish. Turns out she was a well-known disaster area.

New relationships are supposed to bring you joy. If they don’t they aren’t worth pursuing and will only bring you misery if you do.

I think it's best you both listen to the counsellor when she says he isn't in a good place for a relationship right now, and I'd suggest that a month probably isn't going to change that in any way, shape or form.

None of this is normal for a two month relationship. From his declarations of love to your obsessing as to whether it's over or you're on a break. When it's this hard work two months in you know it's completely dysfunctional and all about dependency, as it's way too soon for love.

There shouldn't be this much drama after 2 months. Move on from this one. It screams toxic.

@Happinessxox

Why all this space, asking if I want to move on, if I can't wait, why doesn't he just end it? Especially after what his councillor said

My guess is that he wants to end it, but wanted you to actually end it so he isn't the bad guy.

He sounds fucking awful, please, stop trying yourself in knots trying to understand this awful person.

Nope, none of this is normal and he's no good. His poor kids I wonder how many times they've been introduced to the latest love of his life and how many more times it'll happen.

He sounds batshit. I would run.

However, I have BPD and this sounds like the majority of the relationships I had in my late teens/early twenties before I underwent years of therapy and DBT. Mental health issues aren’t an excuse for him to string you along and treat you like shit though. I would still run a mile even if it is true.

You both sound very emotionally immature. I would be very wary of a man who talked of love and marriage within a day or two. He doesn't know you. It's a childish notion of what love is, and an unbearable pressure on you both to conform to the other's dream of what it should be, instead of discover who you really are, how well you get on and whether you have compatible plans for your futures.

Run a mile. This is nuts!

You both sound as if you have MH problems.

You have a responsibility not to inflict them on his kids.

@gingerhills

You both sound very emotionally immature. I would be very wary of a man who talked of love and marriage within a day or two. He doesn't know you. It's a childish notion of what love is, and an unbearable pressure on you both to conform to the other's dream of what it should be, instead of discover who you really are, how well you get on and whether you have compatible plans for your futures.

100% this

What an unmitigated mess. Why are you pursuing this? It sounds fucking horrific. Walk away. Salvage your dignity.

Fun. Run away now. There could not be any more flags than already shown you.

Come on, it was just 2 months, you can handle that, dump him and don’t look back.

sounds just like someone I used to know whom has Borderline Personality Disorder. (he tells everyone he has Depression when he first meet them as it sounds less scary).

we were friends, but a load of his friends and family were convinced we were dating (god knows what he was telling them), I cut contact when he started phoning me up drunk at 2am to moan about life.