If as a teenager, you drank alcohol, smoked or took drugs while you still lived at home with your parents

[Mangoberries]

Did your parents know or did you have to hide it from them?
Did they prefer you drank/smoked/took drugs indoors so they could be there if you needed them/supervise you or did they forbid you from doing this under their roof?
Did your friends also smoke/drink/take drugs at your house, or did you go to your friends houses?
How long did you drink/smoke/take drugs for?

AIBU to think that if you allow a teenager to do something in your house, with your full knowledge, to keep them safe, then this has no bearing on how many years they will smoke/drink/take drugs for?

YABU Teenagers who are permitted to smoke/drink/take drugs while living at home, in the full knowledge of their parents are probably still going to be smoking/drinking/taking drugs years later.

YANBU Teenagers who are permitted to smoke/drink/take drugs with their parents knowledge are not more likely to develop a regular habit or continue smoking/drinking/drug taking for years.

I was allowed to drink and smoke. Parenting standards were horribly lax. Still got into some awfully dangerous situations.

We were allowed "a drink", drunkeness would ahve been frowned upon. They'd have been horrified at smoking or drugs.

Everyone I knew smoked, drank and took the occasional drug as a teenager. The ones with the "cool" permissive parents were the only ones, to my knowledge, to end up in trouble with drugs.

I was allowed to drink. By the time I was 16 I was regularly out all night partying.

They didn’t know about my drug taking and we’re horrified at the idea I might smoke (I didn’t ever smoke cigarettes).

Decades later I still drink, haven’t taken drugs since before I had DC and went on to be a successful functioning member of society.

I suspect that generally parents who allow drink/drugs/smoking are generally the ones who have DC with poorer outcomes in terms of long term addiction. Not because they specifically allowed that behaviour but for multiple reasons relating to education, socioeconomic status, opportunities etc.

No smoking and drugs. Beers or two when going out with friends.

I drank as a teenager, with my parents tolerance if not blessing (my dad used to pick me and my friends up from the pub) and I have always had a very 'normal' relationship with alcohol - drank for fun in my 20s, now I just have the occasional beer or glass of wine. Smoking and drugs were very not allowed, though and, literally two joints at uni aside, I've never done either.

FWIW I barely drank as a teenager. In my mid- late 20s with a city job after I'd left home, whole other story I probably still drink more in my 50s than I did as a teen.

I drank, smoked weed, took speed from about 16 and my mum never knew because she’d be away every weekend to stay with her boyfriend and my brothers would go to my dad because they were much younger. I was deemed responsible enough to have the house to myself and have a few friends round to watch films, ha.

I wasn't allowed to do any of those things at home and I didn't allow my children to do them either. I don't understand people who do allow it. I still drink, have a cig sometimes but don't take drugs and haven't since my teens.

Did your parents know or did you have to hide it from them?

Mum (& dad, but didn't live with him) knew I drank.

Neither knew I smoked til I was 21 (started at 16), still didn't smoke in front of them. Did ONCE in front of my mum cos we were away for the weekend and she clocked why I was being antsy after 24 hours and told me just to have a cigarette, felt like murdering someone in front of a police officer ha.

Didn't take drugs (except smoked weed occasionally but it doesn't agree with me) til I moved out, but my mum knows about that now.

Did they prefer you drank/smoked/took drugs indoors so they could be there if you needed them/supervise you or did they forbid you from doing this under their roof?

They weren't especially bothered either way - I rarely had friends over as we lived in an awkward place miles away from where all my friends lived, but if I did have friends over we could drink a sensible amount and that was fine.

Did your friends also smoke/drink/take drugs at your house, or did you go to your friends houses?

See above, but mostly was at my friends' houses. Their parents all let us drink there from 14+ - the odd Barcardia Breezer younger, up to pretty much whatever we wanted if not being sick at about 17.

How long did you drink/smoke/take drugs for?

Still drink (occasionally).

Stopped smoking at 25.

Took drugs semi-regularly (not as in, an addiction, but at festivals/big nights out 4-5 times a year) for about a decade (18-28) and a very small handful of times in the 5 years since.

My parents were teens in the 80s and took a fair amount of drugs themselves. Their message was always, we'd really rather you didn't but if you do, please be careful about dosages, who you're with, and you can call me at any time, no matter how old you are, and I'll be there if you need me. It didn't seem glamorous or forbidden, they were quite matter of fact. A friend's mum, who was very open about being a raver with a penchant for pills, took an almost-encouraging approach, letting the kids get weed delivered to the house while she was there, and both her kids had quite bad active addictions by 21, so I think you can be too permissive.

I'm not going to vote cos it's not that simple in my opinion.
I did drink in my parents house probably from about 16 onwards but I've never been into getting really drunk so was happy with a couple of beers with my dad on a Friday evening. I tried weed a couple of times as a student but didn't really enjoy it and would never have done it at home (not sure of my reasoning there, maybe the legality of it?). I still enjoy a drink but again we're talking a couple of beers or glasses of wine.
My brother smoked weed a lot from about 15. My parents would let him do it in the garden but said no to it indoors because of the smell. I'm not sure banning him from doing it at home would have made any difference because he regularly smoked it with his friends at their places and in the park. He still smokes it regularly now at 37 as does his partner, I refuse to see them on weekend evenings cos they are either high or waiting to be alone so they can get high and it's really boring. I think he also took ecstasy and coke when out partying pre-pandemic.
I don't think there's a really simple allowing drinking/smoking/drugs at home = a normal attitude to drinking/smoking/drugs as an adult because my brother and I have very different attitudes now and had almost the same upbringing.

I did all those and hid it from my parents who had no idea how wild my teen were. I got it all out of my system by the time I was 21 when i got a full time job.

The only one i've continued with is drinking alcohol and my parents know about that now. I am 52 after all

My parents didn’t approve of drinking or smoking in or outside the home. I didn’t do either till I went to uni. After that (whilst living at home again for a while) I only did them when parents were on holiday. The fact that drinking (in particular) was so taboo probably did lead to me overdrinking in later life.

My parents were strict. My drinking, smoking and drug sampling took place at the local park or at other people’s houses.

I continued smoking for 25 years. Have also had a few problems with drink and drugs over the years. I don’t know if things would have been different if my parents had been more permissive but I suspect not. I think I’m someone who has spent large parts of my life looking for something else. Excitement or something to ‘fill the void’. (Have often needed SSRIs too). Thankfully quite well currently and not been abusing substances or alcohol for the past ten years or so.

I think it depends on the individual. No one can say how an individual will be impacted by their genetics or their upbringing. Any kind of drinking or drugs was frowned on at my parents (tee-total) but I drank loads when I was at uni, now hardly drink at all. I know other friends whose parents were extremely permissive about alcohol and they drank loads with me but now don't drink much either. I think it's very much to do with the circles you mix in.

I really can't see a teenager wanting to do anything apart from weed at home though - why would you do party drugs at home? Would I allow cigarettes/weed at home - no, I don't want my house stinking of it and don't think you're less safe smoking outside than in. I wouldn't have them out hanging around parks at all hours though either. I wouldn't have anything apart from sensible drinking at home.

@ufucoffee

I wasn't allowed to do any of those things at home and I didn't allow my children to do them either. I don't understand people who do allow it. I still drink, have a cig sometimes but don't take drugs and haven't since my teens.

I look at the much riskier things my friends who hid their drinking from their parents did and I'm so glad mine were more liberal about it. I would do much rather my teens were drinking in my living room than in a field. If I ruled the world I'd let teens drink in pubs from 16 because I think it's much safer than the alternative.

I never smoked or took drugs but I began drinking socially with friends in a safe environment ( friend's houses/ sleepovers) at around 15 and going to bars at 16/17. They were fine with this. I was responsible and knew when I'd had enough.

My parents knew I drank a bit and smoked, they let me know they didn't approve but encouraged me to be honest with them.

I remember clear as day, one morning getting back from being off my teats on speed, clubbing all night, having a day nap (got in when m&d were reading the sunday papers) then needing to get up to go to work later. Was generally erratic around the house. Mum came up and said 'whatever you took last night, don't do that much again. You can't handle it'. And left my room. I never did speed after that. They very much didn't lecture me (or my brother) but let us know they weren't born yesterday!

My parents smoked, so I did too. Openly in the house from age 16.

Drinking - they definitely knew but I didn't drink with them. I only drank with friends. I don't think they cared.

Drugs - I remember once my mum asking if my friend and I were stoned (we were) but I don't remember much else coming from it. I didn't do it often and nothing harder than weed.

I came from a bit of a shit family to be honest. I don't smoke anymore so wouldn't be impressed if DS did. Drinking - I'd allow him to drink a cider at home but I'd be more critical of where he was at 16 (I was often out until stupid hours or randomly stayed out without telling them - they didn't really care).

I wouldn't allow drugs either.

I agree with PegasusReturns. Correlation is not causation.

I drank alcohol while living with them and they knew about it. I started smoking after I moved out, they knew about it and disapproved, I stopped smoking though. They don't know I tried weed but I was neither a teen nor under their roof, I know my mum has tried weed though and I doubt it would shock her if she knew. Never tried other drugs.

We were allowed to drink alcohol as teenagers. I didn't ever want it. None of my siblings drink, even now they're in their 50s. We were never allowed to smoke, so I wanted to try it. Didn't like it, so never bothered again. My friend wasn't allowed to drink alcohol, and badly wanted to. She ended up drinking vodka in the park and having her stomach pumped. Think it's wanting something that's forbidden. So best to say yes you can, but in moderation and these are the side effects. Let them male their own decisions.

They were very very relaxed about drinking and knew we experimented with drugs at university and beyond, they didn’t encourage or give us a safe space to do it, more they turned a blind eye and were very neutral to any discussions on it.

Now all 4 of us have corporate careers and haven’t done drugs for some time. Grateful to my parents for giving us the bandwidth to experiment

My parents were OK with sensible drinking. I did drink, in moderation. They knew about it and were OK with it. I am still a very moderate drinker now - to the extent that I don't actually drink much at all, though I will when I fancy it.

They wouldn't have been OK with smoking or drug taking. I knew that and understood their reasons. I was never tempted to do either. At nearly 50, I have never tried a cigarette, never smoked weed, never done any illegal drugs etc. Just not interested.

The thing is, my parents were very fair and very reasonable, not remotely controlling or dictatorial. They never really went down the rule-bound, punishment-ridden, "do as you're told"/"because I said so" style of parenting. They made it clear that they had our best interests at heart and we knew that if they didn't want us to do something, it was because there was potential for that something to be harmful to us in that way. I trusted and respected them, and in return, they trusted and respected me. Neither dsis nor I were ever tempted to rebel. We didn't have to.

I have tried to recreate a similar relationship with my own teenage dd. So far, it seems to be working...

Around 1970, my mother astonished me by saying that she knew I smoked, so I might as well do it at home, as behind her back. Of course, smoking wasn't so socially frowned upon then, and my father smoked.

She did not offer the same latitude with drinking or drugs!

Neither parent drank much beyond sherry at Christmas and champagne at weddings, so there wasn't anything I wanted to drink in the house.
I didn't drink much at all then, as in common with my hippy peers, I used various drugs. In fact, I'd say that tobacco was my gateway drug to marijuana.

I hid all of my activities from my parents, including drug use.
I used drugs, mostly marijuana, until I was probably in my thirties but drinking wine had taken over being my relaxant of choice.