To just want to have a nice holiday?

[Naiceholiday]

No bickering, no moaning, no ungratefulness!!

I make the effort to organise the holiday, usually self catering accommodation for separate bedrooms, day trips, restaurants, the lot, I do it all but after getting home last night with the absolute hump, I just can't be fucked to do it anymore!

My DP is busy working so that's why I organise everything. That's fine but I do get a bit stressed about it, is everyone going to like it, be happy etc!!

My 8 year old DS moans about things and always has this way of sounding ungrateful. He winds up his sister, 2, so she screeches like a banshee that I think my ears are going to bleed.
I turn around and my DP is on his phone doing work stuff, but why?? He's meant to be off and more to the point, helping me!! I'm sorting stuff ready to go out with 2 kids hanging off me and he's on his phone!

DP lost his temper with DS yesterday morning and shouted why can't you listen to your mother? DS cried, I had a go at DP for it because that's not the way to deal with an year old. I had a lovely day for a last day all booked up and now it's just marred by that.

I'm just fed up with it all that I don't want to do it anymore!

Surely, I can't be the only one to think, it's just not worth the hassle?

My idea of a holiday is a pool, cocktails, sun and sleep not wiping snotty faces and constantly repeating myself!!

We have another similar holiday booked in for June and the thought of it is filling me with absolute dread! I just can't face it!

Well no one in their right mind would look forward to a self catering holiday where they had to be solely responsible for the whole shebang and trying to please everyone else but themselves. That’s more work than being at home, it’s nuts. Why does your DP think it’s ok? Because it’s wife work?

Yeah. It can be shit. DH and I were discussing holidays for this year. He wants Scotland / a city break. I want a fly and flop but even then it's still schlepping kids stuff about / sun creaming kids.

I've realised not all of the holiday can be fun so enjoy the good bits.

My sister goes on fab holidays where they all kayak together and stuff. We like to watch a film in the evening. Makes me feel we are very boring in comparison!!

I’m saying this off the back off a self catering ‘break’ in centre Parcs a couple of weeks back with a small baby and in all honesty, DH is lucky he wasn’t left there buried in the woods.

Is there a reason you do this and not just book the holiday you want Ie all inclusive beach resort. Seems a bit odd to keep booking all this when it’s not your bag. Is it a financial issue?

I’ve given up.

Cut out the UL breaks and we do one summer holiday. This year, 4 nights in a quiet air b&b in Spain with a private pool. Then 4 nights on the costas in a all inclusive with a water park.

Everyone’s happy, everyone gets some of what they love. I’m budgeting for no cooking in the apartment and eating out every night. Just basics for snacks/breakfast.

We all take a small carry on bag. 8 cheap tee shirts, 8 pairs of shorts and a pot of sandals. I does and a swim suit. That’s all they need.

Then do a click and collect on boots (to pick up airside at Manchester airport) for picking up a shared shampoo and shower gel, and suncream that I’ll leave behind when we’re done.

It worked well last year.

Sorry for my typos. Old phone and fat hands.

I agree with you about the moaning, YANBU.

Fwiw I think there is a huge pressure for 'perfect family time' adds more stress into these kind of plans

In my experience though 8 year olds can be negative, moany little buggers.

8 is a difficult age for self-catering I found. You also have a big age gap with different interests to cater for.

We love SC but there are drawbacks. I don't mind the work but the constant feeling to do something to entertain DD at that age.

We started just doing a short half-term break and go abroad to an AI hotel for the main break. Kids Club, pool, bit of sight seeing, this meant we had lazy days but DD was entertained and days we did things together as a family.

Now she is a teen and SC is easier, she likes just hanging out with a book or electronics, we play games or just relax.

I do most of the research as I do have more time (p/t working) and I enjoy it. But while DH does check emails there is an absolute understanding that that is the extend of working.
I think a serious conversation with your DH is on the table for you.

Various things to unpick here:

1. Why book a holiday that you don't want? Uk in February is always going to be a bit rubbish. If you want relaxing by a pool then book an all inclusive with a kids club.

1. He's working on holiday. What sort of job is it, does he actually get to have a break or is he always having to think about work?
2. Why shouldn't he shout at an eight year old who is being badly behaved?

I think as a parent you have to lower your expectations massively, otherwise life itself is one long disappointment! As for holidays, you have to re-think the word altogether and sweep away happy memories of flying and flopping, because that simply isn't possible until your kids are teens, if you're lucky.

When I saw the words 'self catering' and '8 and 2 year old' I thought 'Oh come on, you think any holiday with DC those ages is going to be fun or relaxing?'. YANBU to want a week on the beach, absolutely not, and I'd far rather than bloody Scotland (lovely country btw, but weather is almost always shit), and a city break. My kids actually like city breaks, but they are planned to the nth degree by me to cities with lots of fun kids stuff. So that can work, but if what you want is beach, go for it.

I think you have to abandon the word/concept of “holiday” for several more years and see it as a change of scenery. I’d go somewhere where the eight year old can be permanently occupied - ideally by his dad. A pool is a must - you can spend all afternoon in it, and it really wears the children out so they’re in bed by 8pm.

Flopping by a pool with a cocktail won’t happen until your two year old is at least 14 or 15. Sorry for the reality check

Book a hotel. And if you're going to have a go at your dp for the way he disciplines, expect to do it all yourself. YABU.

Instead of 2 self catering uk holidays, maybe 1 beach hotel/apartment with kids clubs might be better. We only went away in hotel for 2/3 nights Feb half term. We used to do uk self catering hols with the in laws, we all mucked in looking after DC. I do get what you mean about whether it’s all worthwhile. We now have a dog and despite DC being adults now, one still comes on UK holidays with us. There’s so much to take. With beach holidays, you only need a few clothes and you are sorted.

There's nothing as completely guaranteed to lead to misery and recriminations and bitterness as expecting gratitude from children. That can be taken multiple ways but they're all true at different times!

In the end perhaps your 8 year old isn't enjoying every moment, perhaps his sister is a pain in the arse in his experience, perhaps he's frustrated or stressed out by being expected to perform happiness and gratitude. Your toddler is a toddler, nothing needs adding, they are guileless and forces of nature...

Your DP sounds as though he's the actual problem - does he actually want to be on holiday? If so he's behaving like an arse. If not he is too as he should have communicated properly and kindly with you before you started booking anything and come to a compromise (shorter weekend break, you taking the kids away for two nights so they got a mini holiday and he got a break, then having them alone for two nights so you could have a real break, or whatever would have worked better for everyone).

Have a serious talk with your DP one evening after the children are in bed once you're home and have had afew calm days and get onto the same page about family holidays so that neither of you have another frustrating, infuriating one full of resentment for the other! If necessary cancel the June one. If it can't be cancelled agree some strategies in advance and lower your expectations of gratitude from your 8 year old and accept he might be as stressed by the holiday with a toddler and unhappy parents as you are !

DH refused to take the DC on holiday when they were young, he insisted it would be harder work than being at home.

I thought it through and realised he was right!

We used to have day trips out instead.

Some good points here, let me answer a few a best as I can

I'm aware that holidays with young kids are not really a break, I do probably need to lower my standards 🤣 the idea of flopping by a pool was certainly pre-kids!

I book self catering because family rooms in hotels are too small and I don't want to go to bed at the same time as the children which happens if we are all in one room in a hotel, fine for 1 night but not 4+.

We stayed in the UK as we went to visit family (family have only seen DD once since covid hit) and my passport has expired, not financial issues.

The idea of all inclusive holidays with Brits abroad fills me with dread! We've done a private villa with a pool before and that was great. Will be doing that again either in August this year or next year.

No DP absolutely did not need to check in with work, he's off but because a bit of important work is going through, he feels he needs to be seen! I feel the need to throw a slipper at him every time his head is buried in his phone!! Huge downside to remote working!!

Obviously, DP can discipline the children, bending down to shout aggressively in a child's face is not disciplining, he scared DS and DD, that's why I'm pissed off!

I organise everything because I don't work so I have more time to do stuff like this, not because it's 'wife work'.

The next holiday in June is the same as what we did last year in Cornwall and we had a great time that holiday. I think after so long in lockdown, a lovely cottage, good weather and fun things to do like boat rides, steam train, zoo, we all had fun because we were set free again if that makes sense!!

Urgh! I do feel better for off loading here though.

But I do need to seriously think about the June holiday as my dad will be coming with us and my DS acts even more silly around him, it's like having 3 kids 😕 but at least he'd be able to babysit whilst DP and I have at least 1 or 2 child free evenings.

Thanks for reading and for the good tips.

Pool holiday somewhere hot. With a decent kids club and people who give you cocktails. Ideally with shit WiFi.

Price up your 2 UK holidays - including days out - how much would that have gone towards a beach week?

I doubt a villa with pool will be very different, you still need to entertain your older one.

DH is allergic to AI resorts but we found that they work if you agree to "escape the prison" as he calls it every other day or so. He realised that SC just didn't work anymore for us and bit the bullte. We go to areas we can do things and just accept that we pay over the odds but enjoy the advantages when in the resort.

There are tons you can go to which aren't overrun by your typical Brits.

We always went for a one-bedroom appartment. I hate sharing a room with DD unless it's just one night and I can't get anything else. Enjoy as long as it's last, I now have to book 2 bedroom accomodations and the prices go through the roof.

Hotels and AI don't have to be 'Brits abroad' OP, but if you don't fancy AI, how about an apartment on a complex with pool(s), playground, beach, shops and restaurants nearby? There are loads of places like that around Europe and if you ask for suggestions I'm sure MNers will come up with names for you.

We had a nice, easy holiday with young DC at the Cordial Mogan Valle in Puerto de Mogan, Gran Canaria. Supermarket opposite, two pools on site, playground, beach a short walk away, submarine trip, beach-side restaurants and bars in the quiet little town, it was brilliant with children, very relaxing and not particularly expensive. We booked it through booking.com

@zafferana the best holiday I had was a friends flat in Spain, private shared pool, shops and restaurants within walking distance, it was lovely. The only day we went to the beach and it was horrid, packed, dirty, fag butts everywhere, we quickly made our way back to the private pool.

With covid, we preferred to stay in the UK past year and now this holiday, my passport has expired and we wanted to see family.

DP and I spoke this morning and I've said this holiday basically made me miserable and I'm not prepared to do it all again so we are going to discuss it with my dad when he comes for lunch on Sunday. We may still go to Cornwall but only book a couple of things like the boat trip and steam train ride and then play it by ear each day so it's more relaxed.

I'm off to start my passport renewal and get one for DD!

AI can be lovely for kids, particularly when you have an age gap and they can find friends to play with, rather being stuck with each other. Kids clubs are fabulous for little ones to give you a couple of hours of reading by the pool in peace and quiet.

While my snobbish side hates the buffet style food, it does work well for little kids (horrible memories of wandering around Spanish towns trying to find restaurants that would cater to various fussiness of kids and serve the adults something they wanted to eat, buffets are easier!).

Based on what you’ve written, your m boyfriend sounds utterly useless. No wonder you aren’t having a nice holiday if you are left to organise everything and sort the kids out when you get there.

Do you know what @MargosKaftan I think i might need to suck up the opinion I have of AI and give it a go!!

And I really hope your username is a The Good Life reference, I love Margo!