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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my friend is a tad strange with her child

41 replies

Spooked102 · 17/02/2022 21:26

I have a good friend we’ve been friends for years and both have had babies the same year and a few months apart, we both have toddlers and go on play dates before this we used to go on nights out together shopping and have a laugh. I love spending time with our daughters but she seems way too attached to her baby ( didn’t think I’d ever say that as someone who went through infertility btw!) I’ve noticed whenever I go to pick her child up or hold her she tries to stop him from coming to me and then pulls a face when he puts his arms out for me and I hold him, also asked her a few times to have a kid free day/night to which she tells me her boyfriend (child’s dad) won’t look after their son. She’s always saying she has no breaks or time away so then I suggest and she always makes an excuse, I haven’t mentioned anything and wouldn’t but am I right thinking he has some issues being away from her child? The pulling a face when her son comes to me I find really strange but I also understand we all parent differently

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Original poster

Spooked102 · 17/02/2022 21:27

Children * I meant autocorrect!

OP posts:

MintJulia · 17/02/2022 21:32

As long as she's a loving mum and her children are happy, I don't think there's much to worry about.
Some mums don't want to be away from their dcs, not everyone needs a break. She may only feel secure when with her dcs.

5zeds · 17/02/2022 21:34

Perhaps she doesn’t want him exposed to infection and thinks playing is fine but hugging not.

sadpapercourtesan · 17/02/2022 21:34

Can you be too securely attached to a baby? I don't think so. Plenty of time for separation later - and her child is less likely to struggle with it if they have a very secure attachment as an infant, not more.

WispaBurgerbites · 17/02/2022 21:34

I used to be anxious about leaving my PFB when he was a baby.

As for baby's dad not being able to look after him she could be telling the truth. A quick scan on MN will show you there are plenty of lazy dads who do fuck all with their own offspring.

damelarue · 17/02/2022 21:34

The face pulling is strange. Is she insecure?

PolkaSpace · 17/02/2022 21:36

Lockdown and isolation may have played a part. But sounds like she just likes being with her kid in the most part and her partner is useless.

RedCandyApple · 17/02/2022 21:36

How long before someone suggests ringing ss? 🙄

shouldistop · 17/02/2022 21:36

I don't think I've ever picked up or cuddled someone else's child unless I've been looking after them or have been visiting a new born and the mother has offered a cuddle.

Her partner might refuse to look after the child. A mum I knows husband is completely useless and won't look after their children, has never even changed a nappy.

Original poster

Spooked102 · 17/02/2022 21:40

Her child likes to be held and always comes to me and plays with me too, I don’t mind I love children but her face pulling is very strange to me. She moans and says she needs a break but doesn’t seem like she wants anyone to look after her son. I’m attached to my child but think her going to her family members or with her dad is good for her independence too.

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shouldistop · 17/02/2022 21:55

How old are the children?

sadpapercourtesan · 17/02/2022 21:56

Little tinies don't need independence, though. They develop that at their own pace, when they're ready to initiate it. Attachment is much more important with infants. She's doing fine.

Worldwide2 · 17/02/2022 21:58

You sound really judgemental. She sounds like a caring mum. How she wants to raise her baby is her business not yours.

Immunetypegoblin · 17/02/2022 22:01

I don't think OP sounds judgemental, she sounds like she's confused by the mixed messages coming from her friend (I need a break from baby vs baby must never leave me).

ChargingBuck · 17/02/2022 22:09

I'm amazed you are more aerated about your friend's attachment to her child than you are about the fact that her useless DP refuses to parent them.

Original poster

Spooked102 · 17/02/2022 22:10

@Immunetypegoblin I honestly am not judgemental I think she’s a great mom honestly she’s doing amazing I am confused by what she tells me feels burnt out need a break but then makes an excuse to anything I suggest, I love being a mom but I like to have a side of me that’s not just being a mom I like a good night out or a nice coffee/lunch kid free, it’s also confused me the looks she gives/ stopping her child coming to me I never thought she’d be like that especially with me we have been close friends for years. I wouldn’t dream of stopping my child going to my friend for a hold or play It seemed like she almost jealous ina way that her child wanted someone other then her to hold them.

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Original poster

Spooked102 · 17/02/2022 22:12

I also give advice and let her talk about her problems with her partner I’ve said if you want a break get your coat and just pop to the shop then he has no choice she also doesn’t ever get a lie in because he wakes her up to feed their son. Maybe I’m from another planet but I think it’s terrible he should be an equal parent, trying to give some advice by asking her to come out and saying it wouldn’t hurt for her child’s dad to have their son for one night but it seems like she doesn’t want to

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Regularsizedrudy · 17/02/2022 22:14

Some people don’t want their child to be held by others. As for saying she needs a break, we’ll she does doesn’t she. But it sounds like she can’t take one because babys dad is a useless twat.

LuckySantangelo35 · 17/02/2022 22:17

YANBU OP

Original poster

Spooked102 · 17/02/2022 22:22

@Regularsizedrudy I’m not going to tell her child no or reject her when she comes to me for a hold or to play, maybe I’m just a bit more laidback because I don’t bat an eyelid when my child goes to someone else. Never heard of anyone before not wanting their child held by somebody else.

He is. Said this to her. She knows it herself. But when I’m trying to get her to do something without the kids to help her have a break and give her advice then she doesn’t try then moans about the Same thing what else can I do as a friend.

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MarieKlepto · 17/02/2022 22:24

Sounds odd to me. Caring mums don't baulk if their children show interest in other (safe) people rather than clinging to mum's apron strings. Toddlers seem to migrate towards me and I have no idea why but every mum has thought it cute/positive/thanks for letting me finish my coffee in peace!

TooTiredForAdventure · 17/02/2022 22:25

Face pulling - maybe she is worried about covid?

Original poster

Spooked102 · 17/02/2022 22:27

No she’s def not worried about COVID

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Seeline · 17/02/2022 22:27

How old are the children?

Would her child actually be safe if left with a useless Dad- if he can't even give the child breakfast? She might not have much choice.

Original poster

Spooked102 · 17/02/2022 22:29

Both nearly 2

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