Do most Teenagers do drugs?

[Oslosunshine]

DD is 17. She was at a party last night and I got a call from her as it got shut down by the police. One of the girls at the party was taken to hospital in an ambulance after an overdose. Today I had a chat with the mum of the boy who’s party it was and she was, to be expected, incredibly frustrated as she had to fly back to deal with the fallout. Thankfully the police were only really fussed about the noise after the neighbours complained and nothing is being taken further.

However, this prompted me to speak to my DD about why drugs should be avoided and about being sensible etc. DD got very defensive and told me that everyone does drugs, ‘MDMA is safer than alcohol’ and lots more to that extent.

I was incredibly shocked- I know DD smokes (both cigarettes and weed) and whilst I would prefer her to stop, she’s 17 and like most of my peers, I did the same at her age. However, I knew absolutely nothing of the hard drugs and how common they are with her friends.

DH is also worried but sees it as an almost given. He went to a similar school in London to hers and was in a similar ‘scene’ when he was younger and confirms that it is very much the norm.

Mum of the party boy agreed that coke, ketamine, MDMA are all very normalised with their peers and thinks the best course of action is to educate them on dosages, rather than pleading with them to stop.

I feel so naive; I feel as if I have failed my daughter by bringing her up in this privileged inner city London environment where most of the DC have the money for these expensive drugs. But DH thinks it’s not our fault and that this happens everywhere. It certainly didn’t happen on this scale when I was growing up in a less privileged, more suburban area.

Is this normal for teenagers everywhere/ was I just incredibly sheltered growing up?

@Nomoreusernames1244

And because the internet exists, every young person nowadays can find information which is balanced about the harms of drugs

They can also find a whole lot of crap. And even the “good” sources aimed at keeping kids safe aren’t always accurate and often minimise the tisk.

Sex is a normal part of life. My kids will have sex, it’s legal over the age of 16 and a completely healthy thing to do. I do not have a problem with them having sex. Yes they need to be aware of pregnancy and sti’s, in the same way we all need to be aware of smear tests and breast checking ti keep ourselves healthy.

Illegal drugs are not legal, they are not safe, and they risk their lives every single time they choose to take an illegal drug.

Plus they are contributing to the trafficking, prostitution of young children, and other criminality.

They are very informed about drugs. If they choose to break the law knowing what they know then I can’t stop them. But they have enough info on what drugs do to your body I hope they never take that risk.

When Leah Betts died in the ‘90s (?) her parents were all over the shop saying that they’d always told her drugs were dangerous, never to take drugs, if anyone offers you drugs, go to the police straight away.

So, they were the parents you think parents ought to be.

Turns out, none of that stopped Leah taking ecstasy. And what we actually know now is that Leah didn’t die simply because she took ecstasy, but because she developed water intoxication because a friend had given her the misinformation that when you take ecstasy you need to drink loads of water, and because when she began to feel unwell her friends delayed calling for medical help because they thought they’d all get into trouble.

I’ve no skin in this game. I don’t have DC and never will. But I’ve marshalled enough young women in nightclubs along to the welfare room, who are too scared to go there themselves because “if mum finds out she’ll kill me, she doesn’t know I do any of this” to know that “don’t do drugs” is both ineffective and, on its own, dangerous.

@Mamamia7962

No, neither of my children, who are now adults, did drugs in their teens.

That you know about

This thread clearly demonstrates that it very much depends on your social circle. We don't do drugs, nor do any of our friends. DD doesn't do drugs, and the friends of hers that do only smoke weed, so I am not of the opinion that most people do drugs.

Those people of whom all their friends do drugs will think that everyone does it.

Not in my limited experience
My daughters did not dabble or try - they are in their late 20 s now

@RampantIvy

This thread clearly demonstrates that it very much depends on your social circle. We don't do drugs, nor do any of our friends. DD doesn't do drugs, and the friends of hers that do only smoke weed, so I am not of the opinion that most people do drugs.

Those people of whom all their friends do drugs will think that everyone does it.

Ha! Let me guess, nobody you know cheats either…?

@TedMullins

I grew up in a pretty midlands market town where there was a mix of demographics from rich people who lived in surrounding villages to very working class people. When I started going out in the nearest city from 18 onwards my experience was yes, most people my age were experimenting with pills, MDMA and ketamine. I smoked weed when I was about 16 and I know some of my friends also did harder drugs under 18. Drugs also rife at uni. In my experience, yes it is pretty common but most people I know who were doing that are now functional employed adults without any drug issues. Speaking to friends who grew up in privileged London private school circles, drugs were even more common in their youth and at oxford/Cambridge etc

My experience is very similar

@RampantIvy
Cling on to that belief if you want to.
How can you 100% know that your dd friends only smoke weed. That's what she may be telling you but it doesn't make it the truth.

Ha! Let me guess, nobody you know cheats either…?

That hasn't always been the case, sadly.

I’ve no skin in this game. I don’t have DC and never will. But I’ve marshalled enough young women in nightclubs along to the welfare room, who are too scared to go there themselves because “if mum finds out she’ll kill me, she doesn’t know I do any of this” to know that “don’t do drugs” is both ineffective and, on its own, dangerous

I agree. I haven’t said “don’t do drugs”. I have told them exactly what they do to your body, and how you die. They know about how drugs get into this country and how many people are harmed in doing so. I have told them drugs are illegal, and they risk their life, health, and future if they ever make that choice.

I have told them there is no “safe” way to take illegal drugs.

They also know that early medical intervention is key, and if they’re the slightest bit worried about themselves, or anyone else, then it’s 999. Or they can call me at any point, for them, their friends, or anyone they’re worried about, and I will be there, no judgment.

I have told them not to do drugs and told them why. I also know people are human and people make the wrong decisions sometimes.

What I won’t say is that if they’re going to take drugs to be “safe” doing so. Because there’s no such thing.

Ket and MDMA at 17 isn't normal at all.

It is very much social circle/school/area depending. I’m old now but when I was at school/sixth form, no one did drugs at all that I was aware. However at university everyone smoked weed, many went on to dabble in other things. I did eventually but not until mid mid-late 20s and very occasionally.

Most people we knew at university confirmed ‘everyone’ did drugs in their schools too. They thought that me and one other person were most naive for thinking people didn’t.

My children are very young and the thought of drugs terrifies me. But I hope I will make them feel comfortable enough to contact me if they do decide to and tell me if something goes wrong.

I know DD has tried weed. Maybe she doesn't know if her friends take other drugs, but she and her friends don't really lead the kind of lifestyle where drugs are prevalent. They aren't into clubbing and trying to stay up all night. TBH right now they are panicking about their dissertations, so a night out is a pub quiz night or a meal out.

Why is it so difficult to believe that not everyone does drugs? I find that point of view quite depressing. I know my friends don't do drugs. We have talked about it at length.

I think it says a lot about your social circle.

Drug use, drinking, and risky behaviour generally has been in in decline among the young for over a generation now. Compared to today's youth, Gen X and baby boomers are a bunch of stoners and drunkards.

And there have always been young people who didn't do drugs. I didn't - though I drank a bit too much - and I knew plenty of others who didn't.

As far as I'm aware the research shows that the majority of young people don't do illegal drugs although a sizeable (but decreasing) minority do.

@RampantIvy

I know DD has tried weed. Maybe she doesn't know if her friends take other drugs, but she and her friends don't really lead the kind of lifestyle where drugs are prevalent. They aren't into clubbing and trying to stay up all night. TBH right now they are panicking about their dissertations, so a night out is a pub quiz night or a meal out.

Why is it so difficult to believe that not everyone does drugs? I find that point of view quite depressing. I know my friends don't do drugs. We have talked about it at length.

I think it says a lot about your social circle.

It really really doesn't say anything about my social circle. I've never done illegal drugs never even smoked have been a nurse and midwife all my working life, husband has his own small business ex military. We live in a small village infiltrated by county lines. My social circles are my work colleagues all in their fifties very normal (and I hate that word) lifestyles so social circles have nothing to do why my son came off the rails as a teen.

What worries me the most is that a) drugs are illegal b) when you take illegal drugs there is no control over what dose you might be taking or indeed what you are even taking c) the fact that drugs are illegal causes a lot of collateral damage to people who can least afford it - exploitation of children/ poor people etc.

I know that our young people are exposed to drugs all of the time and it depresses me that it has become so normalised. Even if your own children stay safe as a result of your advice there are many other people whose lives are harmed as a result.

We live in a small village infiltrated by county lines.

Yes, we have this problem in the nearby market town. We are close to 2 different county borders. Weed is rife at DD's old school, and they have permanenty excluded pupils caught dealing, so I know it happens.

[quote Oslosunshine]@Redroceritsover
But how do you know that though? If I were to ask MIL or FIL, both would say the same about DH and his siblings. When in reality, DH experimented from about 15 onwards.[/quote]
I don't think parents can say for sure about their children, but people can speak for themselves as teenagers, and their own friendship group at that age. I didn't take any drugs and neither did my group of friends. Other groups people in my school did, so when a teen says everyone, it's more like, everyone they hang out with if you ask me.

I love how many people claim their kids have never done drugs!

According to my parents I have never smoked or taken drugs.

Both of which are lies and I'm in my mid 40s

No, neither of my children, who are now adults, did drugs in their teens.

My mother thought that too

I also think that as a parent you can set an example by saying that you don't condone it. Teens will always rebel but you don't need to agree with them or be their "friend" when drugs are concerned. You can tell them how to stay safe but also tell them that you hope that they never need that advice for all of the reasons outlined above

I grew up in a small town in NE Scotland in the 1990's everyone I knew took drugs.

@PJsAndRainyDays

I love how many people claim their kids have never done drugs!

According to my parents I have never smoked or taken drugs.

Both of which are lies and I'm in my mid 40s

Yeah, like all parents know exactly what their children do at all times. If only they did know :).

However, we cannot condone it. When I first caught mine with a friend, smoking a joint, I confiscated the cannabis from the friend, pretended to flush it away, and asked what his dad would say if he knew (his dad taught at their school), looking and sounding very stern. They looked sheepish, then went out, muttering, for a while after which - I won't tell you what I did with the dope but it wasn't wasted.

I know a lot of people worry that it will lead to harder stuff but, honestly, that's a choice. It's like saying if someone enjoys the odd pint or glass of wine they will be an alcoholic. I've known people from all social backgrounds, since I was a teenager, who smoked weed sometimes but never graduated to hard drugs. That is an entirely different ball game.

I'm now 40, Im a nurse and i work for child protection services with a 20 year career in mental health. My parents would absolutely swear on their lives that I never did drugs. I did though, as did pretty much everyone I knew ( and non of their parents knew either). I frequently smoked cannabis for many years, and took speed, Es and later on coke when I went out.