for getting fed up with people shutting down debate...

[SueBaroo]

... because they are offended?

It seems to be some unspoken rule nowadays that if someone doesn't agree with what is being said, instead of actually defending their position, they can just whine a bit about their feelings and guilt everyone into backing off?

It doesn't always work (especially on MN, with the high-proportion of marvellously ball-breaking opinionated folk) but it's a cheap trick and it winds me up. AIBU for wanting to tell people who try it to buck up? Should I be more squishy about feeeeeelings?

See, I don't think they're over-sensitive, I think they're just manipulative. I don't actually think they're hurt, I think they're just cross because someone says 'I think you're wrong'.

If you can't come back to that with a grown up 'well, we'll just have to disagree' or further defend your position, you're just having a tantrum.

Not everyone, Bessie. I don't.

And I find your generalisation rather insulting tbh.

oh oh oh oh - I also hate the nasty comment, bitchfest, or sarcasm followed by a

It makes it nastier, imo.

This is the place have a RANT. Outside I for one, have to be mediocre, understanding, placating, empathitic. But WHO's shutting it down ?

I can't believe you said that, Hecate. I am in tears now and it's all your fault - bully.

I completely agree with you SueBaroo - it is really manipulative. I'm nothing like as forthright on here as I am in real life. In real life I can guage the tone of a conversation as it goes along and respond accordingly, but here once someone decides to take offence, that's it, it's rarely salvageable and most unpleasant.

erm, marchbirthday, who said anyone was trying to shut this down?

I think it is perfectly acceptable to express feelings about a situation - it can often add to a debate, rather than shut it down. Also, I think it is quite possible to continue a debate and be sensitive to someone else's feelings regarding a topic.

The problem lies in whether sensitivity is used, particularly when it is apparent that someone is upset, and it has been acknowledged that they are upset. Or whether someones response to a debate is to simply say "you are all nasty bitches" or similar - to which there is no reasonable response.

I do get very fed up with people shutting down debate though, and making a discussion about themselves, rather than the issue at hand.

I do get very fed up with people shutting down debate though, and making a discussion about themselves, rather than the issue at hand.

------

Now that's what I'm talking about.

oo, now I sound like Joey Tribiani.

SOme people just are petulant self-obsessed ignorant twats, who can't take any disagreement without screaming, spitting the dummy and threatening to get the moderators, their mummy, their lawyers and their therapists involved. I usually find robust derision the best way of dealing with them. Particularly the type who go, oh you can't say that to me, I'm tho thenthtive/got ingrown toenails/lost all my lovers in bizarre gardening accidents.....

The bottom line is that whatever some stranger calls you in an online debte doesn;t matter. THey can't come round your house and duff you up. Laugh it off or stick to the cute kitten forums instead.

why do I miss all these excitements - where do they take place? or does it just go over my head?

Ah, but it doesn't just happen online, though.

How you doin......?

Anyway Sue, which particular thread are you referring to? Or is this just in general?

Thanks Madamez, 'lost all their lovers in bizarre gardening incidents' has just amde me spit my OJ all over my keyboard, as if it wasn't fucked enough already from mince pie crumbs.

laz, twas just a general thing - online and off. My SIL runs a masterclass in it.

"But you're damaging your children by not bringing them up in the way I think you should, and just because you've thought it through, researched it and totally committed yourself to it, I am going to take it personally and assume you're doing it because I told you something different"

SIL sticks fingers in ears

"la la la, no, don't explain, I know I'm right, and now I actually think I'm going to cry. Dh, talk to them, because I just can't"

i was told to just shut up once
i thought that was a bit twatty
i mean nobody has to read it

crikey, I've just scared myself with that impression.

shut up

that's a bit twatty you didn't have to read it
I SUPPOSE I COULD SHOUT
then i wouldn't mind being told to shut up
but then i never shout in RL

Haven't we all though fio, sometimes deliberately and sometimes not.

The other thing is people who get screeeeeeemingly self-righteously 'offended' on behalf of other people, either bollocking you for being heartless and thoughtless because you didn't, er, actually KNOW that some or other poster gets anquish-related bleeding haemorrhoids if anyone mentions SId off CBeebies in anything other than a positive light....(this is often used to bash newbies right off the board. We don;t always know the entire personal history of anyone who says anything witless, more to the point why should we farking care?), or trying to say that some subjects just musn;t be discussed, at all, ever, because they're so upsetting.

And then, said poster that would get offended comes along and says 'actually, I don't take offence at that at all' BUT you're still accused by all and sundry of being insensitive towards them