AIBU to look at childcare options whilst on mat leave?

[bubbakasn]

Hoping not to get torn to shreds for asking this!

We have twins aged 14 weeks. We are first time parents. DH works long hours away from home (leaves at 6am returns at 6pm). Both babies suffer with reflux terribly which means nap times are rare and more often than not one is awake if the other is asleep. Working with GP re the reflux issues.

At the moment we are lucky enough to have a cleaner come to the house once a week for 2 hours but to be honest I'm not sure how much it's helping because I end up sitting in the babies room with them for 2 hours whilst she cleans the rest of the house meaning I can't get on with things like laundry/cooking dinner etc.

We also have a much loved dog who is struggling with the transition and I'd love a bit of time to take her for a short walk on her own without trying to wrestle our twin pram down the hallway!

My parents are local but their help is very much on their terms. I.e Mum will message the night before to say she'll pop round in the morning (so I can't make plans in advance) and then when she's here I have to make her tea, let her sit on the only chair in the babies room for the entirety and she struggles with two babies so will call me into the room to help if one is crying or when they need to feed. (Both babies are bottle fed)

I feel like I could lose the cleaner and use the money saved to pay someone to come to the house regularly to sit with the babies to allow me the time to get on with things in the house and perhaps make medical/dental appointments.

Equally, our babies are so loved and the result of a hideous infertility journey and I feel awful for even considering a moment apart from them.

Has anyone ever done similar whilst on mat leave? Do services like this even exist??

Do it. Just fucking do it. ❤️
I cannot imagine what twins is like, I had 2 under 15 months which was grim in the beginning

Sure why not, if you can afford it.

Oh bless you.. I hear you.. I was a neonatal nurse and got friendly with a prem twin mum.. I was actually at her birth and nursed both her girls.. I offered to babysit when she left which started a life long relationship.. I am the girls (now adult) Godmother... There is someone out there who would love to help you.. If you live anywhere near a west country city starting with T get in touch! Childcare. Co is great... Good luck... X

Absolutely do it op and congrats ❤ I did very similar and I was a sahm. I needed the break and help and dh was extremely supportive. Don't feel guilty at all.

@iRun2eatCake, some nurseries will accept a really small amount of time - DD went for one half-day at first.

Glad you are feeling better OP.

Twin mum here. Mine are nearly 2. Do it. Your twins need a rested, happy mum and if a few hours help a week will do that, do it. Also join your club twin club for support. People in my club happily go and help new mums by holding a baby for a few hours or watching both while the mums showers/ sleeps etc.

Also, I wanted my parents do to 2 days a week of childcare when I went back to work. Our nanny bill is now £3k a month but I fully trust our nanny and they love her. We have no spare cash at all but I would absolutely be stressing if my parents had them. What I’m saying is really think about if you mum is the best person to have them longer term. The financial hit (if you can afford it) is short term, until they get free hours at 3.

When I had 3 aged 3 and under the health visitor offered this for free (I declined because I was ok - DH was a postman and home by 11) because it was acknowledged to be tough with multiple young children (I want to say it may have been linked with a local college and you were expected to be in the house, though I think she mentioned you could use the time to nap)

Whatever you do is going to be expensive I think.

Mother’s helps would usually be employed by you, so you’d need to think about paying at least minimum wage, dbs checks and checking references, and if they have another job they will probably pay tax so you may need to run PAYE.

If you just want ad hoc childcare for a few hours then you might be better using a baby sitting agency like Sitters or an app like Bubble where you can book sitters and there has already been some background checking done by the agency. Plus they will be self employed so you’re not worrying about payroll or pensions.

Personally, I would look for a childminder. If you are flexible on what hours you want you might be able to just slot into whatever space they have - for example a childminder might have a 9.30-2.30 space while children are at school. Two children would probably work out at £10-£12 an hour, same as hiring someone to work in your home, but you might find it easier to get things done with no babies at home.

Of course get help! I spoke to maternity nannies and doulas and I've booked a, lady who is a mix of these from birth of my 1 baby to help me. I intervuewd 3 ladies and went for one who sounded like she'd muck in and be quite flexible. An extra pair of experienced hands will be a god send and help you be a better mum x

Cost wise I was suprised how affordable. All ladies, I spoke to we're self employed and charged from £15-21/ hr all in. If its a short term thing they will be self employed. I found them on childcare site. I live in South East near London. I expected it to be at least £30/hr.

Just do it.

Twins must be so hard, I nearly lost my mind with just one.
I'm currently looking to employ mother's help as I have a health condition and am struggling - mine are 3 and 7 not two babies! Your needs are entirely valid. The right person will be flexible with doing some cleaning/ childcare/ cooking/ whatever you need. Chat!

I'm in Devon and depending on experience, people are coming up between £ 10-15 per hour. London, SE etc will be more. I was advertising on childcare.com and got some interest but those people had the wrong hours free to fit with our schedule.
A card in local shop window is yielding more interest, some very nice sounding people with either nannying/ care experience.

Another thing to consider if you have a spare room might be an au pair - there are agencies.my aunt had 3 kids very close together and always had au pair, at least one is still a good friend.

Get the childcare and support you need and do not feel guilty !!

Hey. 17 week old twins here. Do it, do whatever you need to provide a bit of structure/rest/whatever. If your mum actually wants to help I’d suggest she bundle them into their pram and go off for a long walk so that they get a good, long synchronised nap.

We have my daughter’s old nanny doing a few hours a week with our two. We’ve been doing that since they were new more or less - we trust her, they know her, she’s fully on board with their needs/routine etc. I’d perhaps ask on a local twin group if anyone has a nanny/ex nanny with twin experience looking for a few extra hours a week. Otherwise a mother’s help, or Homestart would get my vote.

And please pm me if by any chance you’re in SE London, we’re all about the twin groups here .

Oh, and when the cleaner is there you go for a long walk with them. And cooking = ready meals with a side of easy veg for the mo.

I second the gym with creche suggestion, that was a godsend for me. 2 or 3 mornings a week I'd go to a class and then sit and have a coffee and do my online grocery order etc in peace knowing DS was being well looked after just a couple of rooms away.

Thanks so much all.

@Marylou62 our twins were in neonatal for a few weeks and if only I could have paid their nurse to be here with them now!

It is reassuring that others have felt similar, even with one baby so I don't feel like a total ungrateful failure. Our HV was lovely but has finished with us now until they are one year old but I've sent her a message asking for a call to see if there's any services I might not know about locally that may help.

Have also put in an enquiry re a local gym with a crèche.

I have said to DH we may need to take a short term hit on childcare for the long term gain. Mum will be mightily annoyed I'm sure but my worry is how she is going to realistically cope with 2 babies come the end of the year.

Unfortunately @TheWayTheLightFalls I am not SE London though not too far away, in a city just outside of London so our childcare costs are still quite steep (though not as much as yours I am sure!) lots of twins around here too, must be something in the water... or lots of IVF people like me!

You're very right re the cooking @TheWayTheLightFalls ! I convinced DH we needed an all singing all dancing air fryer/ pressure cooker to get us through the early days but failed to realise someone would still actually have to defrost/prep/wash up the meals!!! So ready meals may be the way forward.

And I can work these off with my gym & crèche membership !

@ItWasARayGun sounds like the dream!!!!

I did this with DS- I needed physio for birth injuries and I had a fab lady in her 60s who was like a surrogate Nana and it gave me the chance to do my physio, shower and drink a hot coffee.

Sometimes you get nannies in local fb groups/next door who are free. I used one who was free 930-1230 whilst her charges were at preschool.

I know someone who had triplets, who received help from a student who was training for a Nursery Nursing qualification at the local college (organised through the college). However, due to Covid, this probably wouldn't be allowed now.

I had a family friend who was a student help out when my son was tiny. She’d either be in the house with him while I got some work done or she’d take him for a walk. She did 6 hours over 3 days. It was easy money for her because he miraculously slept in the buggy for her which he wouldnt do for me and it was good for me because we weren’t ready for formal childcare.

Wow I don't know how you're doing it with 2 babies!! You definitely need a hand. Take a look for a mother's help, ideally with experience of twins. Check out childcare.co.uk.

Good luck xx

Get some help get some help get some help!! You do not have to make this any harder than it is by being super parent. You'll be a better mum for a little break. Bloody do it!!

Wow. You're in the thick of it! Well done for surviving the past few months.

In your shoes, if I could find someone I could trust, I'd be out that door so quickly that you wouldn't see me for dust!

I love my DS to pieces and enjoyed the baby days, but sometimes it did feel like this weird extended prison sentence with sleep deprivation thrown in for good measure. Walking out the door without a buggy was like being free for a bit.

Some nursery nurse courses do placements - in nurseries, schools or in the home. I did one a good number of years ago, every other week, Monday to Friday 9-3 for a lovely lady with 4 boys aged 7,5,3 and 10 weeks. I helped with the baby, changing nappies,entertaining bottle feeds etc, the mum was always in the house but able to get on and do other things. I became their baby sitter for a good few years too as the kids all knew me. I assume this sort of thing is still around and might be a way to get a bit of help

I recently bumped into an old school pal who is a childminder and was amazed to hear she is looking after a 6 week old and has been since they were 2 weeks old! So definitely are services for that if you have the money!