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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Short maternity leave

62 replies

endlesslydoingdishes · 16/02/2022 18:43

AIBU in thinking that a 6 week maternity leave is do-able?
I WFH full time, manage my own work load and have minimal interaction/zoom calls with colleagues. My partner will be on leave for a further 2 weeks so two weeks back at work with him around to ease the initial load.

Financially, I would prefer to be back once the 90% ends. My thinking is that I'm going to be exhausted anyway. May aswell be exhausted with money coming in. One less thing to worry about. Also in a good place with my career and don't want to lose too much momentum.

Childcare not a concern initially. Alot of family help available. Also pushing partner to consider shared maternity so he can take longer off but currently he's not keen, again due to finances.

This will be 3rd child but its been a while! Unexpected but welcome. Worried I'm kidding myself about leave though.

I'd like to hear from others who took shorter leaves, if possible.

OP posts:

RedWingBoots · 16/02/2022 18:46

Will your baby be going into full-time childcare?

BobHadBitchTits · 16/02/2022 18:47

What if you have a caesarean? You'd still be recovering.

My son is 15 weeks old and there's no way I'd get much done with him. He's not the best sleeper so I'd be shattered. And he's not a massive fan of being put down.

Original poster

endlesslydoingdishes · 16/02/2022 18:48

No to full-time childcare. Family help and managing my workload myself. I don't work set hours so could do work around the baby and partner being home.

OP posts:

KatherineofGaunt · 16/02/2022 18:49

My SIL went back after a month. She had an emergency C-section. No lasting effects for mother or baby, several years on!

Original poster

endlesslydoingdishes · 16/02/2022 18:49

I've considered ceaseran. Previous 2 deliveries were natural so I'm optimistic. However, even if I need surgery, I work from home so really only a case of setting up the laptop near the sofa! No commute or need to get dressed.

OP posts:

FourBookPiles · 16/02/2022 18:50

I think if you have a lot of childcare support and the kind of job that’s flexible regarding hours and when the work is done, it’s doable.

Original poster

endlesslydoingdishes · 16/02/2022 18:50

@KatherineofGaunt

My SIL went back after a month. She had an emergency C-section. No lasting effects for mother or baby, several years on!

That's reassuring, thanks for posting.

OP posts:

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/02/2022 18:52

A new baby is is pretty all consuming, exhausting and not something that's easy to work around.

Maybe you will manage but you might want to plan fir other scenarios so that you don't feel like you've failed.

As another person said if you have a section you will still be physically recovering as well so bear that in mind too.

CrunchyNotMe · 16/02/2022 18:53

I did this for DC2. At the time I was working somewhere with only the statutory pay 90% for 6 weeks but DH got 100% pay for 6 months. So it made a lot of financial sense for me to go back to work and for DH to stay with baby using shared parental leave.

I was working from home and managing my own work load. I also insisted on breastfeeding.

It worked and it did not. I was exhausted and I should not have been in work. Your body physically needs the break.

Original poster

endlesslydoingdishes · 16/02/2022 19:04

I won't be breastfeeding which I'm hoping will help a little with more regular feeding but I do realise these things are unreliable.

Another thing I think goes in my favour is that baby is due mid to late October. So, 6 week maternity takes me almost to Xmas break. So, maybe 2 weeks back to catch up on things followed by 2 week Xmas break. I'll have plenty annual leave built up so shorten my weeks for a while.

It's a hard one between being optimistic and having a "needs must, can do" attitude and also considering all possible scenarios. I mean, women DO do it. I know it won't be easy. I just want it to all go smoothly like I want it to (wishful thinking )

OP posts:

Merryoldgoat · 16/02/2022 19:07

Depends on your baby and you. I couldn’t have - I was physically and mentally not ready and my baby was a dreadful sleeper.

noscoobydoodle · 16/02/2022 19:13

I took a short maternity leave and my husband took shared parental leave. It was fine. I agreed to WFH when I went back and often had napping baby in the sling while I worked (obvs DH at home)- I even breastfed (though not exclusively) for a few months too. I had an easy straightforward birth and Dc3 was easygoing as babies go! Dc2 has sleep issues so I was already exhausted! It was a surprise Dc3 for me too. No regrets at all.

Violetmo0n · 16/02/2022 19:16

I couldn't of, mentally and physically.
People do it and it's fine but I was wrote off haha

Superwomble · 16/02/2022 19:17

I went back to work 8 weeks after having DC3, almost 3 years ago. It didn't work well for us, even though I wfh and have a great employer. I didn't have family help, which may make all the difference in your case. And my other kids were both under 5. I didn't give myself time to recover physically and it was much harder 3rd time round, I went into it thinking I could manage everything, but it was such a tough time.

For me being furloughed when my youngest was 9 months meant I finally had time to realise how much I'd been overdoing it and I was very thankful for the time at home that gave me. It's different for everyone and of course you may sail through it. But with hindsight I'd say at least have a back up plan for additional time off in case you have a difficult delivery or anything else is harder than you expect. I think 3rd time round it's easy to feel like you can handle it all, but it could be harder than you think and worth having a Plan B just in case it is. I hope all goes well for you whatever you decide!

stillavid · 16/02/2022 19:18

I am not sure how realistic to be honest, I have 3 dc with fairly small age gaps and can barely recall first year of my third child's life as was just so exhausted all the time.

I hope you have a very understanding boss or clients.

butterflyfox · 16/02/2022 19:20

I had a short maternity leave. No ill effects for me or baby. However I did have full tilme childcare. So - IMO going back to work is doable. Working with a two month old gurgling happily at your side. Impossible I think.

drpet49 · 16/02/2022 19:21

I think your taking the piss. I wouldn’t be happy with this if I was your boss. What about your other 2 kids?

Original poster

endlesslydoingdishes · 16/02/2022 19:21

@noscoobydoodle

Thanks, nice to hear. I'ts great to get reassuring responses like that. As someone who suffers from high functioning anxiety; I genuinely believe I've considered all possible outcomes. I catastrophise my whole life from driving in the rain to walking in the dark. So, I'm not being so naive as to think I'll have a 60 minute labour and be back at the gym the following week

I fully accept a 6 week maternity is not ideal. I'll be exhausted, grumpy, hormonal and recovering physically. But at least if I go back to work my bills are all paid, my career rolls on, my financial independence remains intact.

I'm scared. But... I don't want to spend the next 7 months being really scared. I want to feel it will all work out. Maybe that's naive

OP posts:

Aozora13 · 16/02/2022 19:22

Hmm I think the childcare thing might be a challenge. I had a colleague come back after a short-ish mat leave and a combo of Covid plus things falling through left her with only sporadic family support and tbh her performance really suffered and she was clearly struggling emotionally. That being said, it was her first DC and quite colicky so not an easy ride. But if you have the option to use childcare if it’s not working out then I guess go for it? I mean I wouldn’t personally but I’m a lazy toad and enjoying becoming part sofa on mat leave w DC3!

XioXio · 16/02/2022 19:24

Really doesn't sound realistic without full-time childcare. What about as the baby gets older and sleeps less and needs more interaction. Would you get full time childcare for them then?

Original poster

endlesslydoingdishes · 16/02/2022 19:24

@drpet49

I think your taking the piss. I wouldn’t be happy with this if I was your boss. What about your other 2 kids?

My other kids are teenagers so fairly independent. Don't need assistance with the basics beyond taxi rides and pocket money most days.

Also, I've explained I work my own hours and always have. So why should my boss care as long as the work gets done? You've got minimal info on my career set up so jumping to some fairly huge conclusions there.
Sounds like you're just being negative nelly and unnecessarily rude.

OP posts:

Cakelover17 · 16/02/2022 19:29

Can you change your mind once the baby is here if necessary? It’s probably doable but it sounds like your older this time (I’ve assumed that as you have teens, no offence meant!), so may find it more exhausting, and also it’s presumably your last baby so what if once the baby is here you want to make the financial sacrifice to enjoy your baby for longer?

I’d say just try and keep an open mind about it and be prepared to extend maternity leave if necessary. As I think if you fully commit to this plan working in your head, it may cause you more anxiety later on if it turns out you need more time off.

Original poster

endlesslydoingdishes · 16/02/2022 19:29

@XioXio

Really doesn't sound realistic without full-time childcare. What about as the baby gets older and sleeps less and needs more interaction. Would you get full time childcare for them then?

Yes. Im not thinking I can work this way forever until the child starts school. My query is specifically to do with a short mat leave as opposed to ongoing child rearing.

OP posts:

Hall84 · 16/02/2022 19:31

I went back to work at 16 weeks whilst DH had shared parental leave as he got full pay. It was though in lockdown 1 so I was wfh. It was doable but only because he was home and I struggled not to take over when I could hear DC getting upset and him not following the patterns we had. I'm not sure it would be manageable without a very clear rota of family help and people not backing out. My parents do childcare for us now we're both back ft and it's much easier when we're out! Wishing you all the best.

YoBeaches · 16/02/2022 19:36

What do you mean by 'family support'....

I think you need to be able commit to your work and your family separately. You risk being really stressed by feeling like you're doing neither well. And possibly actually doing neither well.

How much childcare can you get in a day, in order to do your job, I think you need to be realistic from your employees perspective and having kids at him in lockdowns etc was necessity whereas trying to bring your 6week old to work every day presumably isn't, even if 'work' is from the dining table.

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