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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Short maternity leave

62 replies

endlesslydoingdishes · 16/02/2022 18:43

AIBU in thinking that a 6 week maternity leave is do-able?
I WFH full time, manage my own work load and have minimal interaction/zoom calls with colleagues. My partner will be on leave for a further 2 weeks so two weeks back at work with him around to ease the initial load.

Financially, I would prefer to be back once the 90% ends. My thinking is that I'm going to be exhausted anyway. May aswell be exhausted with money coming in. One less thing to worry about. Also in a good place with my career and don't want to lose too much momentum.

Childcare not a concern initially. Alot of family help available. Also pushing partner to consider shared maternity so he can take longer off but currently he's not keen, again due to finances.

This will be 3rd child but its been a while! Unexpected but welcome. Worried I'm kidding myself about leave though.

I'd like to hear from others who took shorter leaves, if possible.

OP posts:

GalactatingGoddess · 16/02/2022 20:08

Personally I wouldn't have been able to, my hormones were all over with breastfeeding and I was in a constant brain fog/zombie tiredness state.

If you've got loads of family support it could work but tbh if it's your first you've no idea how it will affect you and what lasting damage you might be healing from (hopefully none!) so is there a way you can have leeway on this - if you feel good at 6 weeks, amazing, if not, don't return for a while?

mummyh2016 · 16/02/2022 20:12

Could you add some A/L to your M/L to extend it to 8 weeks? I gave birth 4 weeks ago and couldn't imagine going back to work in 2 weeks.

XioXio · 16/02/2022 20:12

I meant the time within the 9-12 month maternity leave period that the baby becomes more awake. Not on going to school age. Out the newborn periods at 3 months, rolling, crawling, walking. Classes, interaction with other babies. All that seems extremely hard/unlikely to be possible even with flexible work if you don't have care arranged for your child during the periods you are working.

It doesn't matter when you do the work, what does matter is that someone else has the responsibility of supervising your child whilst you do it.

Queeniepies · 16/02/2022 20:14

My friend lives in the states, runs her own PR company and took zero maternity leave when she had both her babies. She just carried on working full time around the babies' schedules. Her husband is also self employed and so they have always taken turns to work each day. Seems to work for them.

BulletTrain · 16/02/2022 20:20

It was the lack of sleep for me. I was just about fit for watching TV and going for a walk having been up for 30 minutes every 2 hours, but often not with enough concentration to, say, drive. I used the parental help during the day to go and have a sleep!

catgirl1976 · 16/02/2022 20:22

I went back PT after 5 weeks

It was double but I regret it deeply. DS is abs was totally fine but I wasn’t

gigantaraffe · 16/02/2022 20:24

If I wasn't concerned about childcare and had any family support I would. But I don't. I'm going to take 9 months and even then the last bit is really going to be difficult. But I can't afford to pay for childcare for such a young baby as I don't earn enough. Even 9 months is going to be difficult to pay for!

MintyFreshBreath · 16/02/2022 20:26

I went back part time after 10 weeks due to financial pressures. I’d have liked at least another two months but it wasn’t affordable. It didn’t do any long term harm though.

Penvelopey · 16/02/2022 20:27

Depends how you function on little sleep.
Depends on how well you recover from the birth.
You could always book longer off and then ask to go back sooner?

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 16/02/2022 20:27

I had a C section 8 weeks ago and I've been feeling physically fine for the last 4, so I don't think that's an issue, but with my first baby I was in pain for way longer, like 12 weeks.

However, I'm surviving on maximum 5 hours of very broken sleep a day. I am not functioning well and barely have enough time to keep up with the housework and looking after a newborn and a toddler.

rattlemehearties · 16/02/2022 20:31

Oooo if it was your first baby I'd say no way but as it's your third, you probably know what level of tiredness and recovery period to expect.

I'd suggest your DH takes more leave if possible to support you.

And consider whether you will work until you go into labour or if you need to start mat leave a few weeks before due date, don't underestimate how exhausting the end of pregnancy is!

Violetmo0n · 16/02/2022 20:33

@XioXio

It doesn't matter when you do the work, what does matter is that someone else has the responsibility of supervising your child whilst you do it.

This was my thoughts. As I said previously I was wrote off for awhile, the lack of sleep hit me hard. I needed to get out the house most days for a walk, families houses, shops etc to keep myself sane. I can't imagine trying to work tbh.

Dixiechickonhols · 16/02/2022 20:41

If your other 2 are teens also be mindful that baby generally may be more tiring than you recall.
I think all you can do is try and see. Plan for sleep will be key as juggling everything in a sleep deprived fog will be hard.

JoeMaplin · 16/02/2022 20:42

I went back after 12 weeks with no 1 and used nursery. Mat leave was only 5 months then, and I’d had to finish early ish due to commuting.

Kite22 · 16/02/2022 20:46

I think the issue is less about going back after 6 weeks (do-able for a lot of people, but will depend on the birth - remember the baby could be 2 weeks late, so then you are talking 4 weeks, or you could be unwell / really uncomfortable in the weeks leading up to the birth) and much more about 'Can I wfh with my baby there 24 / 7 when baby is only a few weeks old?'.
It is the lack of childcare that I think makes me think you are being very optimistic.

JustWonderingIfYou · 16/02/2022 20:52

I wouldn't but lots do. I'd think it rather cruel on your baby tbh- not even out of the 4th trimester.

Lots of people go back early and say its fine, their child grew up perfect but you'd never know how much more perfect they could be or how much healthier they could be. All the studies show babies should be with primary carer as long as possible or until 2/3ish. If 6 weeks is as long as possible for you then that's all you can do.

teenagetantrums · 16/02/2022 20:57

I went back at 9 weeks then 12 weeks with my 2. It was a long time ago and maternity pay wasn't as good then. So l worked up until the last possible date . Had the 6 weeks at 90%. Then holiday. To be honest it was fine. Needs must and both kids grew into normal adults

Luredbyapomegranate · 16/02/2022 21:01

It’s doable if you have lots of help and flexibility. Women with their own businesses often have to do it. It does help to bottle feed, and to be able to afford to haul in a night nurse if you need it.

DuchessAndThePea · 16/02/2022 21:11

Depends on the baby I think. I had an emergency c-section and a big, breastfed baby that slept well. I did emails and small bits of work from 2 weeks post-partum. I was working the equivalent of 3-4 days per week (around the baby's sleep) from 6-8 weeks. So, as it's just for a few weeks before Christmas and you'll have support, I think it's possible - if your baby is a good sleeper.

MabelsApron · 16/02/2022 21:21

Realistically, your colleagues are going to be covering for you unless your manager is happy to reduce your workload for a couple of years (which also feels a bit unfair on your colleagues tbh) - I would have concerns about this if I heard a coworker was planning to do it. My colleagues also say there’s minimal interaction and we handle our own workloads but I’m always the one doing emergency meetings and therefore the emergency work, because parents are doing twice daily school runs and WFH around small children. It drives me nuts.

VariationsonaTheme · 16/02/2022 21:22

Depends on how much thinking and processing your job requires I think. Physically I’d have been able to work after six weeks, but mentally I wouldn’t have been capable of organised thoughts.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 16/02/2022 21:26

I think WFH makes the world of difference here. If you are sure you can manage go for it. I wouldn't want to it it was working away from home.

PutBabyInTheCorner · 16/02/2022 21:29

I went back to work full time and quite early after my 3 children but they went to a childminder. Sounds like you have a very flexible job but even when I work from home I don't have my kids with me as I wouldn't get much done.
I think going back to work early is fine but working and having new baby at home with you would be difficult for most. Depends on the type of job you have though.

Mmmmmmbop90 · 16/02/2022 21:32

I couldn’t have - you have years to work but only a short time your baby will be a baby. It would be my absolute last resort

BirdGarden · 16/02/2022 21:35

I went back after 2 weeks, I worked from home, part time, flexible hours. Husband took shared leave as he had a better deal than me. I exclusively breastfed, cloth nappied, and had her just-turned-2 year old sibling round too. No other family help, no childcare, and we were just coming out of lockdown. Said baby didn't sleep through until 13 months, she woke for a breastfeed every 2 hours until then.

I worked up to and on my due date too. Natural birth just me and midwife, no drugs, but I did split from here to ohhellno. Spent my 2 weeks in bed, lying on my side, feeding. Needed a suitable cushion setup so I could sit at laptop with baby in a sling, or I worked with one hand when she slept on me. I developed awful anaemia but not sure if that was from low iron in pregnancy that got left (thanks pandemic) after a bloody birth, burning the candle at both ends, not getting more than 2 hours sleep for a year and the endless endless breastfeeding - or likely all the above.

The things that made it possible were having a great, flexible, employer and not being my first child. I was much happier just getting on with it the second time round! Also, iron pills...

The DWP got very confused I was giving up my maternity allowance after 2 weeks though.

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