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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to travel 4+ hours with a newborn?

82 replies

aspiringsnd1981 · 16/02/2022 16:59

DC2 is due at the start of June, DPs family live 4 hours away, and have asked us to visit in late July/early August during the summer holidays. I'm not really comfortable with this as baby will only be 2 months old and that's if he comes on time and the journey will be longer.

Would others also say no?

OP posts:
katienana · 16/02/2022 19:40

We did a 5 hour journey when ds2 was 3.5 months (so a bit older) so we could meet his new cousin. It was in the middle of an insane heatwave and I forgot to bring the bag with all the baby's clothes in. I wanted to do it though so it was fine! We also took him to a wedding when he was about 3 weeks that was roughly 3 hours drive.
It can be done but you can always back out nearer the time if you don't want to do it

maryberryslayers · 16/02/2022 19:50

@Shamoo

You can get flat baby seats now so don’t need to stop as often, really helps. We did a six hour trip to Cornwall with an 8 week old and it was fine. Much easier than the same trip with an 8 month old!!!
This is incorrect. They are marketed as 'lay flat' but are not completely flat, as a crib would be, and therefore positional asphyxiation can still occur. You still need to stop every 30 mins with a newborn.
qualitygirl · 16/02/2022 19:57

I would go...but it's ultimately up to you @aspiringsnd1981 I travelled to another country when my dd was 6 weeks old, it was fine

Oinkypig · 16/02/2022 20:54

I think just leave it until you’ve had the baby to say yes or no, saying no now already sounds like an excuse whereas if you’ve had the baby you can say no because I’m recovering or baby’s not settled with feeding or whatever reason. Or you might want to go.

I flew on my own with the baby when they were exactly 2 weeks (have to be that old to fly on most airlines, in the UK so no passport needed) had to get the bus to the airport as well and it was fine. Just wait and see how you feel.

GrolliffetheDragon · 16/02/2022 20:59

I wouldn't. Tried it once, nearly doubled our journey time as DS constantly needed to be fed or changed. And he was usually quite a chilled baby.

yikesanotherbooboo · 16/02/2022 22:28

It is up to you.
We moved house when DC 1 was 6 weeks across the country and in the interim had had Christmas with in laws , given a party and visited all and sundry. DC1 was an easy baby.
DC2 18 months later I was less easy but again, we travelled 200 miles plus twice in their first 6 weeks for close family weddings and both occasions were a welcome distraction. I travelled again when they were 12 weeks for a wedding .
I strongly recommend you keep your options open at this point, unless, that is, you really don't want to go in which case just say no. There's no need to trump up reasons.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 16/02/2022 22:34

The journey wouldn’t bother me (I flew with mine at 10 weeks) but I wouldn’t want to stay in a relative’s house with a young baby.

steppemum · 16/02/2022 22:40

I did a lot of travelling with my kids as young babies. It didn't bother me.
But if it does bother you, don't do it

RampantIvy · 16/02/2022 22:41

All babies are different, and I would take some of these anecdotes with a very large pinch of salt.

Do what is right for you and your baby.

steppemum · 16/02/2022 22:51

@RampantIvy

All babies are different, and I would take some of these anecdotes with a very large pinch of salt.

Do what is right for you and your baby.

why?

we lived in another country.
Had babies in Uk and then went to dh's family when they were 5 weeks (not UK, but travelled by car)
spent two weeks there, returned to UK, packed up and fly back to where we were living when babies were 8 weeks.

Did that 3 times.
Not everyone's life is the same.
But as I said, if OP is not comfortable with it, don't do it.

Doublechocolatetiffin · 16/02/2022 22:51

Ah no, I couldn't be bothered with that. 6 weeks in and babies are waking all through the night, my latest one was being sick everywhere, I was still bleeding. The last thing I'd want to do was travel for 4 hours. Especially given you'd have to stop, if they want to see you, they can travel. That's how it should work when you have a tiny baby.

lisaandalan · 16/02/2022 23:17

It would not bother me, as long as husband was driving and we had a couple of stops, I'd sit in the back and snuggle with the baby and feed them. X

lisaandalan · 16/02/2022 23:18

Unless you ask them to visit instead. Z

Totalwasteofpaper · 16/02/2022 23:20

My PIL are 4 hours drive or 4 hour train.

I have made clear (& my DH is in agreement) our child won’t be travelling there in its first year… in reality it will be 2+ Years
my issues go way beyond travelling to see them though Grin

RampantIvy · 17/02/2022 07:53

It wouldn't just be the journey for me, but having to take everything bar the kitchen sink. especially if you are bottle feeding, all the paraphernalia that goes with that, plus cot, bedding, nappies etc.

Roselilly36 · 17/02/2022 07:58

Say no at the moment OP, you don’t need that kind of pressure and to be worrying about it. Either they come to visit you, obviously staying elsewhere, or you wait till baby arrives and then make a decision. Good luck.

Sceptre86 · 17/02/2022 08:04

My parents live 4 hours away and I did the journey with due at 10 weeks. It was absolutely fine. We stopped a few times, twice to feed her and to get her out if the carseat. It was to see my family though so i wanted to go. You don't sound like you want to go so don't.

Sceptre86 · 17/02/2022 08:04

*with dc3

Toanewstart23 · 17/02/2022 08:07

I used to love mini adventures likes this
Got a little restless with being at home and so local when they weee new horn
So always relished change in scene

Darbs76 · 17/02/2022 08:09

Up to you. We travelled 5hrs with a 1wk old baby to stay with my parents for 10 days. It was easier than them coming to us and we could relax and not have to cook and clean and entertain guests

Aarti96 · 17/02/2022 08:12

I was in the same position as you OP. I was a bit annoyed that they’d asked us to visit and didn’t want to make the effort to come here.

To be fair to them we live in a very small flat and they’re a large family so I did agree to go in the end. We originally had an Ickle Bubba car seat and pram but we decided it wasn’t comfortable enough for a 4 hour drive. So we sold it and changed it to a Maxi Cosi reclining car seat (has a newborn insert so baby is snug). Was the best decision and DS was fine during the journey. We just stopped a couple of times for a feed and change. DS just slept for most of it to be honest.

However, it’s not just the journey you need to think about. You’ll also be staying at someone’s place (or hotel, whichever it is) and you won’t be in familiar surroundings. It takes a lot of planning too. So I completely understand why you would want to avoid that stress. It is 100% your decision, don’t feel coerced into it. If they wanna see the baby they can visit you!

Crimesean · 17/02/2022 08:17

It would be a pain in the backside driving all that way with a newborn as you need to stop every 45 mins or so to take the baby out (babies airways are compromised in a car seat unless you get a lie flat one).

In 1995 the USA Paediatrics Society conducted a study on infants’ oxygenation levels in their car seats. Normal oxygenation levels in the blood should range between 97-99% in a healthy term infant in optimal positioning. Any oxygenation level below about 90% is considered “hypoxia”. Healthy, full-term newborns placed incorrectly positioned car seats had oxygen levels that went as low as 83.7%! Such levels would normally bring an ambulance crew into emergency mode. And there was a consistent finding that the longer the baby spent in the car seat, the lower their oxygen levels would go, until the baby was removed from the seat. Loss of oxygen to the brain is for long periods can cause developmental problems. The study was repeated in 2005, with the same results. The conclusion in both studies was that babies should spend the least amount of time possible in a car seat and they recommended that car trips with new babies be kept to an hour or less.

MrsRobinson669 · 17/02/2022 08:26

Say no if you don't want to..if they want to see you they can come to you. Travelling with a newborn is a nightmare and not being in your own home isn't always easy, you need your own space in the early days

Toanewstart23 · 17/02/2022 08:27

Wonder why the OP never came back

WouldIBeATwat · 17/02/2022 08:28

@MrsRobinson669

Say no if you don't want to..if they want to see you they can come to you. Travelling with a newborn is a nightmare and not being in your own home isn't always easy, you need your own space in the early days
Conversely the thought of 18 of my husband’s nearest and dearest descending of us made me want to put the baby back where she came from. Grin

Much easier to go, stay in a hotel and see them in short bursts.

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