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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to travel 4+ hours with a newborn?

82 replies

aspiringsnd1981 · 16/02/2022 16:59

DC2 is due at the start of June, DPs family live 4 hours away, and have asked us to visit in late July/early August during the summer holidays. I'm not really comfortable with this as baby will only be 2 months old and that's if he comes on time and the journey will be longer.

Would others also say no?

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 16/02/2022 17:32

YANBU.
Do they have a bigger house than you, is that why they want you to visit rather than visiting you?

LuaDipa · 16/02/2022 17:50

Why on earth aren’t they coming to you?

PiesNotGuys · 16/02/2022 17:57

There is an assumption that the OP means travelling by car.

There are other ways to get around.

Choose the method of transport easiest for you OP. It’s lovely to travel with newborns on trains for example, nice views, no car seats, baby snuggled up to you or feeding, playing games with the other dc or reading a book/listening to a podcast. I do remember one very crowded train when I was travelling across the country with my six week baby and one older dc but when you are on the train for a long time, there’s usually the chance to grab a seat as people get on and off so i only ended up standing and carrying the baby for a little while.

Did you mean driving OP? And on your own or with other DC or a partner?

I’d do it but I’m not you and you need to do what makes you happy.

NoLongerTroels · 16/02/2022 18:00

We did a long haul flight 24 hours door to door with a 10 week old, so my family could meet him. He was a dream, he ate a slept the whole way all the being held on the flight seemed to make him very relaxed.
I'd wait and decide closer to the time , once the baby is here.

lockdownalli · 16/02/2022 18:00

YANBU. Just be clear it isn't happening. And if they want to come to you they can stay in a local hotel/airbnb.

TheSoapyFrog · 16/02/2022 18:09

The journey wouldn't have bothered me, but if you don't want to, just say no.

Envoitrevisage · 16/02/2022 18:14

Don’t do it if you don’t want to, but I definitely would and did, including further journeys. We are talking about a baby, not a ball and chain.

HandWash · 16/02/2022 18:14

I would just reply that you'll see how you feel closer to the time and leave it at that.

Don't be pressured into committing to something before you are ready.

megletthesecond · 16/02/2022 18:16

Yanbu.
They can come to you and stay in a hotel.

Chasingaftermidnight · 16/02/2022 18:16

I just think it’s a bit unfair to expect you to commit to anything like that at this point. You don’t know how you’ll be feeling, how you’ll have recovered from birth, you don’t know what the baby will be like, you don’t know how you’ll be sleeping.

I could probably do this trip with my second baby no problem but it would have been hell on Earth at 8 weeks with my first.

thingymaboob · 16/02/2022 18:21

@Toanewstart23 well I don't have any parents anymore and PILs are incredibly stressful.
My best friends are currently in / out covid isolation and have their own kids so it's just not worked out yet. Hopefully next week!

Mindymomo · 16/02/2022 18:25

We travelled to Wales for holiday when both of our children were both 6 weeks old, which was about 6 hours travelling, we stopped twice for food and to feed/change babies. It was doable, DS1 was a bit fed up towards the end, but DS2 loved his sleeps and could have slept all day.

Lorw · 16/02/2022 18:31

Travelled 5 hours with a 4 week old, was actually okay, we stopped every hour or so to feed, change and let her have a wiggle, stayed in a hotel for 3 nights and actually was pretty stress free, was a bit of a pain with the milk situation but other than that was fine. Doing it again next week.

However, don’t go if you don’t wanna, that will make you miserable and no mummy should be miserable 😁

Larryyourwaiter · 16/02/2022 18:47

I also did 5 hours with a month old. The journey wasn’t that bad (lots of stops). It was staying at MILs the other end that was the issue, she didn’t believe DC was up in the night as she heard nothing (deaf) and refused to believe I should be tired, was noisy whenever I tried to sleep in the day. We went home early as I was so tired/annoyed.

Midlifemusings · 16/02/2022 18:53

Lots of people travel with babies, it is an individual decision - not a right or wrong. Maybe take a wait and see approach. If you feel good and the baby is 'easy' and it is doable then go. If life is still turned upside down, then don't.

Foxglovers · 16/02/2022 19:00

You’ll be looking after a newborn (and who knows how you’ll feel yourself too) I would just say that I feels a bit soon for you. Plus I think being in your own home with a new baby is much easier with all the washing and various bits and pieces. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say you wouldn’t want to think about it until the baby was a bit older - I have done this myself. The car journey just would be a stress in itself!
Plus a new baby awake in the night in someone else’s house would be added stress you won’t need. Just tell them now you think it’s best not to arrange, then it won’t be hanging over you.

WouldIBeATwat · 16/02/2022 19:03

Regularly did it with DD from 6 weeks old. 🤷🏻‍♀️

She was flying long haul by 4 months.

Gizacluethen · 16/02/2022 19:05

And why can't they visit you?
No. I wouldn't be doing this. DS was 6 months old before we considered a drive like this. He'll be a year before we do it again.

ForeverSingle881 · 16/02/2022 19:06

Why can't they come to you? It's perfectly doable, babies at that age are very mobile but if they're not nice people/ you don't want to do it, then it will be a terrible experience. You'll resent the whole way and, as you'll be sleep deprived anyway, you'll hate them 100 times more.

WonderfulYou · 16/02/2022 19:16

Will you be driving?
If not then I think the journey is fine.

What I would be concerned about it where you are staying once you get there as it’s a lot to have to stay with family/friends with a young child.

Walkingalot · 16/02/2022 19:20

I'd just say that you can't commit to any firm plans at the moment. You don't know how you are going to feel, how easy the baby is going to be.
Personally, I wouldn't. Surely the done thing is for them to travel to you!

FeliciaMcAspieGreer · 16/02/2022 19:26

Yanbu. I could still barely leave the house at that stage.

The expectation for mothers to get back to normal in our culture asap after birth is misogynistic.

They come to you.

JudgeJ · 16/02/2022 19:29

We travelled across Europe when second child was about the same age, when number 1 was about a month old we flew back to UK with her then travelled 5 hours on a bus from London. It really isn't much of a problem.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 16/02/2022 19:35

Did this every month from my son being 6 weeks it was hard as our old car had no air con. We stopped every 1.5 hours so took ages. if your not comfortable dont!

DePfeffoff · 16/02/2022 19:39

Seems to me to be a particularly bad idea to commit yourself to this when it may well be hot. Surely it would be a better option for the relatives to travel?

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