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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed or not

28 replies

midnight90 · 16/02/2022 13:31

So for Xmas me and hubby received a voucher for our favourite place to eat and it's more then we would normally spend in one sitting. So he suggested to invite a friend he works with. This friend is a woman that he messages all the time, he has shown me messages from her on his phone but it feels like it's constant.
She has a boyfriend and he would be coming too unless he is working and can't come. So then it would just be the three of us. I suggested that we use the voucher soon as I give birth in a few months and we could go out twice with it. Am I being unreasonable, maybe

As we don't do takeaways at all I've got.to.cook all the time even when he has had the day off and I've been working. I really miss just chilling out in front of the TV ordering a takeaway even once a month. Can't even have a bath as it costs too much to fill up. Not that I mind at the moment with prices hiking up and I can't really relax in a bath for more then 15 mins I get bored. Anyway that last bit I think I just needed to vent.

OP posts:

Penvelopey · 16/02/2022 13:37

I wouldn't be annoyed but I'd expect him to understand if I just wanted it to be us two. What happens when you say no I'd like a date night?

catscatscatseverywhere · 16/02/2022 13:41

He is BU, not you. I can't quite understand why he doesn't want some alone time with you and wants his work colleague with you guys? It's just stupid.

luxxlisbon · 16/02/2022 13:43

Why do you have to cook all the time just because you guys “don’t do takeaways” anymore?
Just sit on the sofa and order yourself a takeaway, if he doesn’t want any he can cook for himself.
Do you think the bath costs too much to fill or is he saying this?

Frlrlrubert · 16/02/2022 13:54

YANBU to want a night out with just him before the baby arrives. What did he say to that?

It sounds like you're trying to save money, but why can't he cook on his days off?

Sounds like two separate issues, Three if you count the constant texting. Are there many more?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 16/02/2022 13:55

His idea of heaven eh?

Opus17 · 16/02/2022 13:58

Op, are you happy in your relationship?

Cherrysoup · 16/02/2022 14:00

If you can use the voucher twice for just you two, then do so. If you can’t even afford a bath currently, no way would I think it’s reasonable to invite her. It’s your voucher, why should you share it with her? That’s frankly weird.

jgjgjgjgjg · 16/02/2022 14:13

If you are so poor you can't afford to have a bath, is there a possibility of selling the voucher and putting the money towards the utility and/or water bills?

britneyisfree · 16/02/2022 14:15

Ridiculous. No bloody way.

Penvelopey · 16/02/2022 14:17

Is it the sort of place you could go again for coffee/breakfast?

ChargingBuck · 16/02/2022 14:17

As we don't do takeaways at all I've got.to.cook all the time even when he has had the day off and I've been working.

Why have you got to?
What happens if you don't?
Does DH not understand how menu planning, shopping & cooking work?

OldEvilOwl · 16/02/2022 14:17

Yeah I would be annoyed. Just use it twice, without inviting another random person

Skyeheather · 16/02/2022 14:17

If I was buying a restaurant gift card for a couple I would probably take the most expensive starter, main and dessert and x by 2 then add the cost of coffee and a bottle of wine. Maybe that's what the gift giver did so it's more money than you would spend.

Anyway it was a gift for you and presumably your DH not DH's workmates. I'd tell DH you are only willing to spend it on the two of you, if you get two visits to the restaurant out of it great. If DH didn't want to go, I'd take my DM, DSIS or a friend instead.

Brett239 · 16/02/2022 14:19

Absolutely not!! People will treat you the way you let them and you would be letting him treat you like a fool if he brings her. Tell him you will be having a date night just the two of you before baby and save the rest for a takeaway after the baby comes. You just need to stand up for yourself!

CurbsideProphet · 16/02/2022 14:23

To clarify : you are pregnant, yet you "have" to cook even he has the day off and you've been working... He wants to bring his female work friend along for a nice meal using a gift card that should be for the two of you...
Why did you marry him?

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2022 14:27

I agree, use it twice. You might be glad of a take away though.

All doesn’t sound well in your relationship though. Why are you doing all the cooking? Why is he showing you messages from her and what are they about?

girlmom21 · 16/02/2022 14:51

I agree to use it for two date nights before baby comes rather than invite his friends.

If you can't even afford to run a bath what would you do if the bill cost more than the voucher covered when the 4 of you were out?

girlmom21 · 16/02/2022 14:51

Also tell him it's his turn to cook tonight

Original poster

midnight90 · 16/02/2022 15:25

@Opus17

Op, are you happy in your relationship?

Yeah I'm happy, first time in a few failed relationships that I've had in the past.

His excuse for not cooking is he doesn't know how, doesn't want to give us food poisoning. He is always asking me what's for tea. He moans if I suggest take away as we have food in/just bought a load from shopping.

OP posts:

Original poster

midnight90 · 16/02/2022 15:28

@PurpleDaisies

I agree, use it twice. You might be glad of a take away though.

All doesn’t sound well in your relationship though. Why are you doing all the cooking? Why is he showing you messages from her and what are they about?

The messages are just about where they work and about our cat and her cat. As we are all cat lovers. I haven't seen any other messages as I don't want to go down that route of snooping. Sometimes it's about ps5 games ect and stuff were watching on Netflix or that's she's watched with her boyfriend.

OP posts:

Original poster

midnight90 · 16/02/2022 15:30

@jgjgjgjgjg

If you are so poor you can't afford to have a bath, is there a possibility of selling the voucher and putting the money towards the utility and/or water bills?

It's all about cost cutting and saving. We both work full time and we are really good with our money ect. That's not to say we are loaded far from it.

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 16/02/2022 15:33

So is he getting final say on what you do with this voucher?

It all sounds a bit "he tells me what I can and cant do and I follow instructions ".. is that how it is?

Notimeforaname · 16/02/2022 15:35

It's all about cost cutting and saving

Yes but under his direction? Because you say you can't have a bath or get takeaway. You clearly want to.

And if he wants to cut costs on things like this, why does he want to feed one or two more people so badly.. when you both could get two meals from that yourselves? Makes no sense.

Sounds a bit controlling and a bit "into" this woman.

Original poster

midnight90 · 16/02/2022 15:48

I'm going to speak to him tonight about it, and say that I want to use it for two nights out before baby comes. It was my mum that got us the voucher.

Thanks for the replies

OP posts:

Penvelopey · 16/02/2022 15:49

@midnight90

I'm going to speak to him tonight about it, and say that I want to use it for two nights out before baby comes. It was my mum that got us the voucher.

Thanks for the replies

That's even more reason for you two to use it. Your mum didn't expect some randomer to benefit.

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