Husband constantly disturbing my sleep

[Pollyforever]

My husband is a restless sleeper, always has been. Recently he has developed psoriasis (he is treating this) so is scratching himself all night now plus he is a snorer. He also tells me he's hardly slept every morning 🙄 his snoring says otherwise.
Last night I went to bed at 8.30pm to try to catch up on some sleep. I slept like a log until he came up at midnight and woke me up with his thrashing about! I barely slept after that because it was like I'd had a huge nap and couldn't get back to sleep.
We dont have a spare room, our couches aren't big enough to sleep on. Two of our children are restless sleepers like him and the other has taken a long time to get him to sleep I'm his own bed so I don't want to start swapping beds round and undo the progress. I've considered going to a hotel for a night but that's not a long term solution. What can I do to get some sleep?

Get a roll up mattress for the living room that you can put away each morning and make him sleep on it

Sleep in a separate bed (in the same room)
Record his snoring (man can deny this. But if you have proof.... they can't 🤣)
Get him nose strips to help him breathe.

Or Kick him everytime he does it.

Or...
Put a pillow over his mouth.

That sounds very frustrating.

Instead of a double, would single beds next to each other fit in the room? It would help with him moving around in his sleep.

For the snoring either ear plugs for you or some nasal device or similar on him to reduce the noise.

For the waking you up at midnight when he goes to bed, I'd suggest a pretty straight talking conversation about how tired you are and how he needs to be more careful and considerate or you'll be booking into a hotel at his expense.

Get a double bed for one of your kids (ideally one that isn’t restless too) and sleep in with them when you can’t bear being kept awake.

Ha ha I do kick him every time, gives me satisfaction but doesn't help with my sleep. He's got nose strips 'forgets' to put them on every night.
Already recorded his snoring, he was mortified!
We're getting a new bed this year so I will suggest two singles. I cant wait to have my own room when the kids move out but they're all still nursery & primary age so I've got years to wait!
Will also approach the roll up mattress idea with him today!

@Cheerfulcharlie I'm so reluctant to do this because the only one who night restless has taken years to sleep in his own bed all night and him sleeping with me when he's sick even just for one night takes weeks to undo.

Have you ruled out sleep apnoea? Snoring, restless legs and not waking refreshed. It might only be mild but I would get him to ask the GP to to refer you to a sleep clinic.

I got tested at home and was diagnosed and it's made a massive difference. Although it took DH and DC to adjust as the bedroom is no now so quiet, they kept checking for signs of life with me

Refer him not you to the sleep clinic*

Have you tried earplugs? You can get a selection pack on Amazon to find the ones that are most comfortable.

I found once I got annoyed about his noisy breathing/ snoring/ pushing up against me/ tap tap on ipad, I couldn't get back to sleep and just lay seething.
I would have a mattress on the floor by the bed (assuming you don't have a spare room or huge bedroom) and ear plugs, I use the ones with a plastic centre bit so are easy to put in quickly. If he has to sleep on the floor he can still be a martyr and huff and puff etc, you just want a nice sleep.

Definitely spare bed in lounge. My partner snores terribly and scratches due to eczema, so we alternate having the bed or the lounge. Sleep deprivation is torture!

Get him a roll up bed, stick it at the end of the bed and move him into it. That will sort the scratching issue.

Do you use earplugs? If not try wax or squishy sillicon ones. If that’s not enough to block the snoring move the roll up bed to the sitting room, where he will need to sleep till this gets sorted.

Record his snoring.

Research and try the basic solutions (strips etc) while making an appointment with the GP for a referral.

You will probably have to lead this to start, till he gets used to the idea that he needs to sort this issue out.

Be clear with him that his health issue is wrecking your health and it has to be sorted out, and in the meantime it will be him not you who adjusts. Even nice men are extraordinarily good at assuming that their female partners and children will accommodate them, however inconvenient. Don’t let yourself be a doormat.

He should go to GP for snoring. My DP went years ago and they gave him nasal sprays (steroids) that worked. He had polyps and allergies. He however doesn't use it as he doesn't like using steroids. They also prescribed antihistamines as they identified dust mite allergy.

I got some of the silicone moulded type earplugs. They are so good at blocking out the noise of everything. DH snores, I wake him and he claims he's not even asleep 🙄 so I sound recorded him too and played it after he said he hadn't even been asleep haha.

These are worth the money for blocking out snoring - and still being able to hear kids if they really need you -

Loop Quiet - Earplugs for Sleeping – Super Soft, Reusable Hearing Protection in Flexible Silicone for Noise Reduction & Flights - 8 Ear Tips in XS/S/M/L - 27dB Noise Cancelling - Black www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08MFDT65P/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_ZHKC2GTPR8S8X9X3Q3ZF?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I have the same issues with my dh. He literally makes me want to throw him out of the window in the night - I do love him but Christ alive the scratching and snoring.

If you're planning to replace your bed anyway, get two singles, or a small double and a single (if they'll fit) so you can have sex/cuddles in the double and then kick him out to the single for sleeping.

And replace one of your sofas with a comfortable sofa bed.

Exactly the same here

I thought I was a bad sleeper, but every time DH is away I sleep 8hrs straight

Do now I start of jointly, then the first time I get woken I move to mattress/duvet on living room floor

I set it up every evening

Bit of a hassle but hey

Good ideas above.

Just to add: my GP prescribes Fexofenadine for the times when my psoriatic skin is uncomfortable or itchy. But the key is to moisturise with something like Epimax or Doublebase before bed. Hope he’s got something like Enstilar for main use. Psoriasis is a very frustrating condition and can make people feel very down about themselves until they find an effective treatment routine. Getting good sleep is really important as part of the healing process, as is eating sensibly.

But you need sleep too. DP was a manic snorer till he lost weight. He spent many nights on the sofa/bed prior.

Change one of the sofas for a sofa bed.

This would be a deal breaker for me. My ex husband used to snore and it was utterly soul destroying - I remember all too well the 'I'm so tired I hardly slept' moan after I'd literally been awake for hours in the night.

This is destroying your health - physical and mental. He needs to be told, in no uncertain terms, how bad his inaction feels to you. He needs to book a gp appointment today and talk to them. Go with him if you can so that he doesn't brush it off.

If he won't accept any of that then he sleeps on the uncomfortable sofas. Honestly, put something under the door to stop him coming in the room if he tries to come in 4 hours after you've gone to bed.

Separate beds.
Earplugs.
Switch one of the sofas for a proper, good quality sofa bed.
Bury DH in the garden

So glad I posted. Spoke to DH today, he’s off work tomorrow so going to call the GP about the snoring. I actually have fexofenadine for my hay fever so he’s going to take one tonight before bed. Our room is big enough for two small double beds so we’re going to do that when we change later in the year. He’s going to set up my sons spare mattress in the living room tonight so if he disturbs me he will go downstairs. I also picked up some putty ear plugs today. Thank you all!

👍

I'm so pleased you've been able to talk so effectively.

"He also tells me he's hardly slept every morning 🙄 his snoring says otherwise"

Agree with pp - this is one of the symptoms of apnoea, snoring all night and feeling like you haven't slept. Take the recording to the GP. If it is apnoea a CPAP device can be life transforming for both of you!