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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

10 years and still think about rape all day every day

31 replies

tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 22:35

what do I do?
I am too scared to go to the gp as he works in NHS and knows lots of people in my Town. He could know if I went to them. and i can't deal with that

Are there steps I can take at home to stop thinking Bout It?

O am having problems with contamination where it contaminates other parts of My life

I know therapy would be best but I caNt afford private and he has made sure I know he knows my drs receptionist

OP posts:
Original poster
tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 22:36

family member
nobody believed me despite being virgin and underage
he was 20
still in family
I avoid family gatherings
no loss but its annoying because he is brought up in phone calls. asked not to but they still do

OP posts:
CyberNan · 15/02/2022 22:39

go to the police and report the assault

it makes no difference if he knows the gp receptionist... she cannot discuss you or why you visit your gp.

HollowTalk · 15/02/2022 22:40

That's really horrible. I think I will talk to my GP and ask for reassurance regarding who looks at your file. Have you told anyone in your family?

Original poster
tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 22:41

he told them I tricked him and I was punished for it
I can't do it
I called for appointment and backed out loads of times. can't bring myself to say it

OP posts:
Original poster
tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 22:42

thank you for replying though both
I might be able to ask about who has access to my file

OP posts:
wingscrow · 15/02/2022 22:42

There are charities for victims of rape and sexual assault that can support you and potentially help you access counselling. They can also help with deciding whether you want to report the person who assaulted you to the police. If that person is also trying to control and manipulate you into keeping quiet, you really need to speak to someone about this creep. Your GP cannot share any of your medical history and what you say to them by the way.

PossiblyDreaming · 15/02/2022 22:42

Have you spoken to a rape crisis centre? Please make them your first port of call and they can advise you on what to do next. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You can’t carry on as you are though. My local rape crisis centre genuinely saved my life and I can never express how grateful I am to them. They can help you talk through it and guide you through which steps you can take next, whether you want to report officially or not, it’s completely confidential.

Original poster
tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 22:42

what happens when you report historical rape? would he know

OP posts:
Original poster
tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 22:44

I haven't spoken to anyone and I know they are not supposed to but who really knows?

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 15/02/2022 22:45

If you're not comfortable involving your GP, you really don't have to. How about calling your local rape crisis centre? You can look for one on here: rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/find-a-rape-crisis-centre/

Original poster
tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 22:45

when I think about it too much I get really physical feelings. tunnel vision, dropped stomach and I can't speak or catch my breath. or concentrate tales about 5- 10 mins to compose myself

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 15/02/2022 22:46

I think what you are doing is thinking of this man as all powerful because of what he did to you. Obviously at that point he had the power and you really suffered. Now though your mind is stuck thinking that he still has that power.

I really think it would help if you talked to someone about this. I do think it would be worth talking to the police as well but I can see that you're hesitating about that and it has to be your decision.

Original poster
tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 22:46

thank you no cool names left ill have a look

OP posts:
Original poster
tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 22:47

he's a psycho and would come to my house
he found out my sister was babysitting for the first time and came over to hers. he's never been before it was because of Me. i didn't know what to do

OP posts:
2redcats · 15/02/2022 22:48

As above, look for a specialist local charity, you don't need to go to your GP and they may not be very helpful anyway. www.thesurvivorstrust.org/find-support

Original poster
tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 22:48

he's psycho
obviously

OP posts:
NeverChange · 15/02/2022 22:52

I think the Rape Crisis Centre or Women's would a good place to start. They offer free support and are usually very good at offering you the support you need and vary the support based on how it is impacting you on.

They can also offer support on reporting it if that is something you want to do.

I'm really sorry this happened to you and sorry that you haven't been believed by those close to you. I believe you 100% and expect most normal rational people will too.

MooseBreath · 15/02/2022 23:06

I'm really sorry this happened to you and that you haven't been believed by those close to you.

The advice given here about calling a Crisis helpline is correct. They will be able to listen and offer support and advice.

Similarly, you could report to police. That said, after 10 years there wouldn't be any evidence and they are very unlikely to convict the perpetrator. It's horrible and unjust, but realistic to think police wouldn't be able to do much. That said, I think you should report it to stand up for yourself and to get this creep's name registered in case he does it again or to someone else.

If you're worried because he works in the NHS, bypass talking to the GP entirely. But know that no respectable practitioner would ever share your private information with another doctor, let alone a receptionist.

This is not your fault and you did not deserve this. Flowers

MaChienEstUnDick · 15/02/2022 23:11

Oh OP.

Please contact your local rape crisis. They can help you process this and help you find your way through it, I promise they can - and they won't tell a soul unless you want them to.

Nat6999 · 15/02/2022 23:11

I was raped 12 years ago by my then husband. Things that have helped me are, CBT counselling, writing it all down & then finding the bits I found most terrifying & writing them down in the smallest detail, sounds, smells, feelings, whatever you can remember, then read it every day. Sooner or later it doesn't feel as frightening or painful, antidepressants help & ask your GP for a referral to see a psychologist because I think you may have PTSD.

Vispa · 15/02/2022 23:13

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP, and that your family didn't believe you.

FlowersI believe you Flowers
As others have said, contacting Rape Crisis would be a good place to talk to someone, they are specially trained to support you and will help and advise you, whether you want/decide to report it or not. That is entirely your decision. Whatever happens you need and deserve help dealing with your trauma. Take care OP, thinking of you x

Original poster
tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 23:19

@Nat6999

I was raped 12 years ago by my then husband. Things that have helped me are, CBT counselling, writing it all down & then finding the bits I found most terrifying & writing them down in the smallest detail, sounds, smells, feelings, whatever you can remember, then read it every day. Sooner or later it doesn't feel as frightening or painful, antidepressants help & ask your GP for a referral to see a psychologist because I think you may have PTSD.
I so sorry ypu have been through this too.

I never thought about writing it down (can't believe I typed the actual word) that makes sense it would make it less frightening but doesn't it 'hurt ' to read it everyday. I get into a state thinking about it. how long did it take you to 'calm down' for want of a better word?

OP posts:
Original poster
tenyeardecade · 15/02/2022 23:21

Thank you for saying you believe me aswell. everyone thank you for replying at all

OP posts:
Vispa · 15/02/2022 23:43

It must have been so, so hard to live with this for so long with no support OP. I can't imagine how difficult it was to write it down, you were very brave to do so. Maybe this first step is a sign you are ready to begin finding a way to heal. You have done nothing wrong, and you do not deserve to live in the shadow of this. I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'm sending you strength. I really hope you find peace and happiness x

TheDaydreamBelievers · 15/02/2022 23:53

A couple of options @tenyeardecade:

  1. get referral to adult mental health through your GP. You don't need to say what happened, focus on your post trauma symptoms eg I think about it all day every day, it makes me feel X, y,z, I get flashbacks/nightmares etc. If they push you for more details of "trauma" can maybe say it was sexual assault when a teenager - you would not be asked to detail who or give specifics.
    Just to say that GP notes should only be viewed by your GP. In many healthboards, no one who works outside the GP practice would be able to access them, in all healthboards, it would be a firing offence to access your notes if you aren't their patient. The notes mental health services take can usually only be seen by people that work in that service. It is always okay to ask health professionals exactly what is written on notes about you.

  2. charities that support victims of rape eg rape crisis etc. These charities will have counseling options and their records are not at all linked ot nhs