10 years and still think about rape all day every day

[tenyeardecade]

what do I do?
I am too scared to go to the gp as he works in NHS and knows lots of people in my Town. He could know if I went to them. and i can't deal with that

Are there steps I can take at home to stop thinking Bout It?

O am having problems with contamination where it contaminates other parts of My life

I know therapy would be best but I caNt afford private and he has made sure I know he knows my drs receptionist

Meant to say @tenyeardecade if you feel you just can't speak aloud about it, you could write down what you want to say and just hand a GP the note. That is completely okay to do

Hello @tenyeardecade, I’m so sorry this happened and you’ve had to live with it in silence for so long.
As @TheDaydreamBelievers says if you speak to anyone at a Rape Crisis Centre they are confidential and not linked to the NHS in any way.
You can also contact the NSPCC to report and speak about historic sexual abuse.
This vile man has tried to make out he is all powerful — saying he knows the GP receptionist etc…—- in fact he is a weak and disgusting slug.
Please speak to someone on the phone, you don’t have to give your real name, you only have to say as much as you want to say. They have vast experience and will know how to help you in a way you feel safe with.
Stay strong.

I sought help through workplace’s mental health support, and although they didn’t offer therapy for ptsd they offered to write to my GP, asking the gp for referral to NHS funded therapy. In your case you’ll want to find another GP surgery who will then make the referral to mental health services. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp

I believe you too op.
Listen to all the wise ladies above me who all say the same, talk talk talk.
Contact the appropriate centres/charities dont bottle this up.

You can speak to whomever you want.
Do not let him control your actions.

tenyeardecade It took me about 5 years to accept it happened & probably 10 years for the hurt & bitterness to go. I did all the right things, went to the police, did the video interview & everything but they didn't charge him. But he got a life sentence because he has MS & since he raped me he is in a wheelchair living alone, ds only sees him once a week for a couple of hours. I still have nightmares on the anniversary & flashbacks if I smell anyone wearing his aftershave but I can cope with that, he cost me my home, my career & my health but he isn't having my sanity.

@TheDaydreamBelievers

A couple of options *@tenyeardecade*: 1) get referral to adult mental health through your GP. You don't need to say what happened, focus on your post trauma symptoms eg I think about it all day every day, it makes me feel X, y,z, I get flashbacks/nightmares etc. If they push you for more details of "trauma" can maybe say it was sexual assault when a teenager - you would not be asked to detail who or give specifics. Just to say that GP notes should only be viewed by your GP. In many healthboards, no one who works outside the GP practice would be able to access them, in all healthboards, it would be a firing offence to access your notes if you aren't their patient. The notes mental health services take can usually only be seen by people that work in that service. It is always okay to ask health professionals exactly what is written on notes about you.

2. charities that support victims of rape eg rape crisis etc. These charities will have counseling options and their records are not at all linked ot nhs

That's so true @tenyeardecade

Think it through:

1. he probably doesn't 'know' the receptionist, just might be someone he met a couple of times
2. receptionists don't just have idle checks of records, that's a sackable offence
3. likewise if they do happen to see something in the course of their work, they can't tell anyone
4. imagine how that conversation went: 'ten year might come in and say I raped her, if so tell me and don't believe her' - highly, highly unlikely that that would happen. No-one outs themself as a rapist.

This is lies he's told you so you stay scared and don't seek help. More power, more abuse.

That said, I still think rape crisis should be your first port of call because they have so much expertise in this situation and will really look after you, and they'll do it at your own pace too.

Take care. You were my first thought this morning. I'm holding you in the light, if that's OK.