To be tearing my hair out at bedtime?!

[ParalysisByAnalysis]

Oh god help.

My 4.5 year old has become an absolute demon at bedtime over the last few weeks.

She’s in there right now. Screaming and tantrumming and it just goes on and on and on and it makes me want to walk out of here.

She’s so well behaved most of the time. It’s just bedtime. Apparently it’s just that she doesn’t want to go to bed. She wants to play. But it’s 8pm, she’s tired (nursery all day) and that’s late enough.

Eventually she will blow herself out and fall asleep but I hate that. I hate her falling asleep so upset. Husband just went in to offer her a story. But no. She wants to go downstairs to find her (imaginary) book (so that she can run away and avoid bed for longer) she won’t just lie and listen to a story.

She’s wonderful but the most stubborn child I’ve ever met. Entirely single minded and like a dog with a bone once she gets going. Which to an extent is a quality I hope she carries with her into adulthood because she’s no pushover but Jesus Christ it’s hard at bedtime.

She is screaming like we are torturing her. We’re going to end up with social services at the door at this rate I hate that every lovely day ends like this.

Also should have said - his bedtime is the same as yours. Upstairs 7.30(ish) and asleep between 8 and 8.30. His gro clock is set for sun at 7.30 so he usually gets 11hrs(ish).

I'd go with the audio book suggestion. If her older sister is reading to herself when younger DD isn't able to then it might make her feel a bit more grown up. Make a big deal of choosing which book to listen to, put it going and tell her you'll be back in X amount of time so she can tell you what happened. Odds are she'll have fallen asleep within 20 minutes.

Or maybe I'm just remembering my teenagers with rose tinted glasses 😂

Earlier bed time - in bed for 7 then if she faffs about for an hour she's still asleep at a reasonable time. I wouldn't tell her she's going to bed early though, just start getting her ready earlier. Sticker chart too. Break the bedtime routine down into tiny steps and shower her with stickers - doing teeth - sticker. Pyjamas on - sticker. If she puts her pjs on nicely but doesn't do her teeth nicely, she still gets the reward of a sticker for the bit/s she did do well. Don't take away stickers she's earned if she starts being naughty. The idea of it is to keep her nice and calm all the way up to her laying in bed having a story. She may be anxious about going to sleep for some reason so talk to her in the day and see what she thinks will help.

I have a 7 year old daughter who can be very anxious at bedtime - she describes it as being terrified that if she goes to sleep she might wake up and we'll be gone forever (she is a generally anxious child so not unusual catastrophic thinking for her). Still have to sit with her for a little bit but nothing like the hours we used to. The thing that has worked magic is podcasts - she has an Alexa by her bed and I just cue them up. She likes big life kids, Julie's library, cbeebies radio, storytime with Josh and blue, and goodnight world. They are all both distracting and relaxing so she tends to drift off calmly.

You may have tried this already but at that age my two boys would do the same, it was my mum who's now 75 told me what she did with me!

It worked a treat.

My mum used to put me to bed but before going upstairs to bed she would lock the house doors, turn off the lights apart from a lamp, turn off TV, radio any noise and said it was bed time for me and "boring adult time" downstairs.

If I woke or was up at all in the evening the TV a would be off same routine she would read a book and ignore me.

So I had absolutely no fear I was missing anything at all, and the house felt safe and calm.

All the other advice you've had is great but thought I'd share that trick that worked in our family for 2 generations.

Also good luck!!

What about trying a Toni? You buy the figurines - they choose which story to put on by putting it on top. You get to say its bed time but she has control over which story etc and can change it herself if she wants another? Our we one loves it. We do a book, then he puts on a toni and gets into bed with some milk to listen to it and usually asleep before it ends

Is there anything else going on with the little one that perhaps you're missing? I know children with additional needs find bed time a huge struggle, in general, of course. 4.5 is quite old to be tantruming without any resolve. Does it cause stress for your older one having to listen and deal with it every evening too or does it not fuss her?

@ParalysisByAnalysis my son (3.5) started behaving similarly at bedtime shortly after arrival of new baby brother. It was so depressing - I dreaded bedtimes all day. Anyway the absolute game changer was getting him a Yoto for Christmas. He loves it. There are a few other similar audio book type things. It’s been worth every penny, I can’t tell you how grateful I am for it!

We're just bought ladybird sleepy tales for dd age 5 - it's a cd tape and has transformed bedtime for us!

Another for audio books - our bedtimes used to sound a lot like yours and go on for hours so feel your pain. We had Grimms fairy tales, wind in the willows, Hetty Feather and now they are older, Harry Potter.