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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a pretty thoughtless exercise?

40 replies

PossiblyDreaming · 15/02/2022 09:14

Dc2 is in year 1 and currently learning about the different ways that people live. The teacher has made a couple of big charts that are stuck on the wall and the kids have stuck a photo of their faces in the box that relates to them. The questions are are “what kind of building do you live in?” with the options of detached house, semi detached house, terrace house, bungalow, flat or castle (surprisingly no one lives in a castle in the pretty deprived area we live in). In the corner another category has been added, clearly after the original chart had been made with “bed and breakfast” and the photo of one of the little girls put in that box.

AIBU to think this is pretty heartless? I had no idea about the housing arrangements of most of my dc’s class but, having been sent a photo of their work as all parents are every week, it’s immediately obvious that this little girl and her family are going through an upheaval in terms of housing?

AIBU to think the teacher could have just asked the girl whether the bed and breakfast she is staying in is detached/ semi detached etc. and then put her in one of those boxes instead? Or even better just put a dot for each child in each category so that we don’t know who lives in which type of house? I don’t know the parents of this little girl but I imagine they’re not overly happy with everyone knowing their living arrangements. I guess they could just be moving and between houses for a couple of weeks but even so it’s pretty revealing information that a lot of people might not be happy sharing.

OP posts:
scaredsadandstuck · 15/02/2022 09:18

YANBU that isn't very nice. I suppose though that the little girl may have asked for it or the teacher felt they were doing the right thing by adding it. However, I totally agree if what they are learning about is types of buildings (I remember DS doing this in yr1 too) then all they need to know is, like you say, whether the building is a detached, semi etc.

SarahAndQuack · 15/02/2022 09:19

I don't like this at all. I don't see why they need to talk about what buildings they live in anyway. Plenty of ways of learning about different types of housing that don't immediately invite comparisons.

Notbeinfunnehbut · 15/02/2022 09:22

bloody hell, does her parent/parents know about this do you know? I'd have to say something to the head.

Comedycook · 15/02/2022 09:24

I totally agree with you op. What an unnecessary thing to do... really shitty

Pumpkintopf · 15/02/2022 09:25

Yes that's pretty thoughtless.

Spongecakeandcoffee · 15/02/2022 09:29

Yanbu.

These types of activities can be really difficult for some children and need to be handled sensitively.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 15/02/2022 09:30

Don't suppose they own/run the B&B? If not YANBU. Could have been handled more tactfully and even if the teacher had realised this after the lesson they could have not sent it out to parents.

Legoisthebest · 15/02/2022 09:31

Maybe her parents own the B&B. It could be their business and home.
However children of that age though won't know that living in a B&B can mean the family is 'homeless'. The child themselves might not even be aware. That's just where they live.

MrsTophamHat · 15/02/2022 09:32

@SarahAndQuack

I don't like this at all. I don't see why they need to talk about what buildings they live in anyway. Plenty of ways of learning about different types of housing that don't immediately invite comparisons.
I expect they'll be linking the theme across the curriculum so using the data to make tally charts and so on.

Still a poor choice of activity. They could have done the colour of the front door or something.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/02/2022 09:35

Yep, they could have just used dots, and probably not mentioned the B&B (although I suppose the little girl might have wanted her specific category).

I’d drop a note over gently suggesting it be handled better next time.

Original poster
PossiblyDreaming · 15/02/2022 09:43

@Notbeinfunnehbut I’m assuming her parents know, I saw the photo as it is sent on the class app at the end of each week to show parents what they’ve been doing. All the parents would have seen it if they’ve been checking the app which you need to do in order to complete the homework.

I hadn’t considered that they might own the B&B, we are in a very touristy area so that isn’t unlikely.

OP posts:
SartresSoul · 15/02/2022 09:45

YANBU. I remember my DC learning about different types of buildings but it was never ‘Billy lives in a detached, Bob lives in a flat’, they just showed pics of different buildings and labelled them.

inheritancetrack · 15/02/2022 09:48

Not appropriate at all. kids wear a uniform to keep social standing neutral and to highlight their housing is quite unnecessary

AdoraBell · 15/02/2022 09:51

Completely agree YANBU. It would be better if they simply had numbers.

steppemum · 15/02/2022 09:52

no, not appropriate.

They might do it in class (even then I would be careful) but to send it out to all parents is awful.
Mortifying for the kids involved.
One of dds friends was in a B&B for 2 months when they were homeless. It was a dreadful situation involving abuse and domestic violence and kids being removed at 0 notice from one parent with the clothes they stood up in, and given to the other parent who had not seen them for months and who had to leave her home and current relationship in order to get the kids, and so they were all immediately homeless council put them in B&B
To have even a hint of that sent round to all parents via this graphic would have added more distress on to parent and child.

steppemum · 15/02/2022 09:54

If they owned the B&B then it would be a detahced house surely?
only makes sense if they are living in one room in the B&B

Carbiesdreamhouse · 15/02/2022 09:58

Regardless of the b&b it invites classist thinking if Bobby has a detached mansion and Bill is on the 40th floor of a council block. Odd activity!

notthemum · 15/02/2022 09:59

@Legoisthebest

Maybe her parents own the B&B. It could be their business and home. However children of that age though won't know that living in a B&B can mean the family is 'homeless'. The child themselves might not even be aware. That's just where they live.
@Legoisthebest. Whilst the children in the childs class may not know that the family could be 'homeless' their parents will. As small children often overhear and repeat what they have heard this could result in result in bullying for this child who may already be dealing with a lot of crap due to their living arrangements. OP. I think I would have to mention this in private to the teacher and or the head. I feel it is unacceptable to put the child in that situation as pps have said surely they could have used dots rather than publicising each childs family's associated affluence.
MrsLargeEmbodied · 15/02/2022 10:10

and also sent to the parents ? Shock
has your dc an opinion
or do they just take it at face value

Legoisthebest · 15/02/2022 10:12

I suppose yes the parents will know what it means but this is where adults need to learn to mind their own business about other people's living arrangements. A couple of years ago I found out that a fellow school parent had spent a few months in a B&B with her 3 children. I found out because she mentioned it. If she hadn't said anything and I heard about it via another parent I would have thought "why is this my business?". Privately I would have thought "poor woman, poor kids" but I wouldn't have said anything to her or other parents - because it's none of my business why she was living there.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 15/02/2022 10:13

i dont think it will cause bullying among the dc

i also wonder if they run the B & B though?

Legoisthebest · 15/02/2022 10:15

Surely activities like this will stop bullying among children about where children are living.
Children generally don't care about other people's different lives other than it's interesting. They don't care that one lives in a mansion and one in B&B until adults put the negative ideas about that in their heads.

hennybeans · 15/02/2022 10:20

It's a very tactless activity.

Surely b&b isn't even a type of building anyhow, geographically speaking. Like saying detached, semi detached, terraced and bank or hospital or restaurant. A b&b would better be described at detached, semi, etc and leave out the function of the building altogether.

longtompot · 15/02/2022 10:26

There was a post recently about a similar thing where a class were asked to take photos of their bedrooms and various other rooms to use for a project. The poster thought this was highly inappropriate and contacted the school about it. I believe the head felt the same and the project was stopped.

sashh · 15/02/2022 10:27

Not only is it thoughtless it's a breach of data protection.