To ask should I let her go.

[Bunnyfuller]

DD17, has a part time job and one of her male friends from there has asked her if she would like to go to his house for a sleepover/gaming marathon. He’s a similar age, openly and happily gay, has a boyfriend etc.

Should I let her go? A male ‘friend’ attempted to rape me when I was 24 and it’s never left me. I’m 54 now and the thought of it happening to her turns my stomach. But I know she’s getting to the age where she will be doing her own thing, and I can’t have that degree of surety over her safety.

MN, would you let her go?

At 17yrs old I was on holiday with friends in Turkey.
It's old enough to be married and living independently.
A sleepover with a gay friend is really nothing.

I'm 31 and sleep in the same bed with my gay best friend. Her age isn't really relevant, if a predator is going to attack a woman he'll do it at any age. I'd let her anyway, I lived by myself in a house share at 17.

@Blossom64265

No sleepovers that could result in pregnancy. Sexual orientation and identity is irrelevant.

Yes, she will be leaving home soon enough and will be free to do whatever she wants. That doesn’t mean you have to drop all guidelines just because that day is approaching. Right now is the time where she is getting used to just hanging out with different groups at later hours. The hassle of coming home actually has some value because it gives her a chance to regroup and rethink.

No sleepovers that could result in pregnancy? What if she had a boyfriend? Most 17 year olds are sexually active. She'll be (possibly) going off to university in a year.

You have stated that she is off to Brihhton with friends but you don't appear to have an issue with that. If this is a safety query then surely she is safer in a home with a gay friend offering her a separate room after the late night gaming session than out in Brighton?

I would let her go. My DS2 (18) is gay and all his sleepovers consist of female friends. Never sinister or "odd".
He just much prefers the company of female friends and missed out on a lot of sleepovers as a young teen due to being very obviously gay and not being invited.

@Bunnyfuller

And in answer to have I had help with what happened, some yes. I had a couple of sessions of EMDR, I said it worked because I felt like there should be some result, but it’s mostly buried.

It was in the times where the victim’s motives were questioned, lots about what I was wearing and trying to convince me I probably just changed my mind at the last minute, why else would I be alone with him etc.

This is really rubbish - sorry you had a difficult unhelpful experience.

If it's still difficult for you, would urge you to try again - emdr has a really good evidence base.

@Blossom64265

No sleepovers that could result in pregnancy. Sexual orientation and identity is irrelevant.

Yes, she will be leaving home soon enough and will be free to do whatever she wants. That doesn’t mean you have to drop all guidelines just because that day is approaching. Right now is the time where she is getting used to just hanging out with different groups at later hours. The hassle of coming home actually has some value because it gives her a chance to regroup and rethink.

If he's gay I doubt it's going to result in pregnancy.

No sleepovers that could result in pregnancy. Sexual orientation and identity is irrelevant.

It's very relevant when it comes to potential for a pregnancy!

He's her friend and he's gay;even if he wasn't gay I wouldn't see an issue;their friends and obviously have a shared hobby,get on well and see each other regularly at work.

You wouldn't have an issue if the friend was female.

Let her enjoy her life.

Have you had counselling to help you deal with the trauma you suffered?;I can absolutely understand why you're protective over your daughter but she sounds like a sensible teenager.