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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask age gaps

29 replies

Fezco · 14/02/2022 20:50

Hi all,

What is a good age gap between babies? I have a one year old and if I got pregnant this month (doubtful) they'd be 23 months apart personally I'm aiming between 2-3 years but I'm basing that off absolutely nothing so thought I'd ask :)

Thank you

OP posts:
Troisfoisfilles · 14/02/2022 20:59

I have a three year age gap between my eldest two - if you ask me, it’s exactly the wrong amount of time. Then I have just 15 months between the youngest two. This was really hard work for the first year or so, but now they’re 6 and 7, they are literally best friends. We even join their names together as it’s easier because they are always together!
Personally, I think it’s whatever works for you

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 14/02/2022 21:01

16 months. It was really hard in the beginning but so much better now, they fight like cat and dog sometimes but also play together and it was a blessing in lockdown.

ifoundthebread · 14/02/2022 21:02

There's 2 years 10 month between my 2 and I feel it is a huge gap at the moment as they are both at different stages in life and its hard to get a balance as one or the other needs to compromise, dd is nearly 7 and ds nearly 4.

antwacky · 14/02/2022 21:03

Almost a year between my eldest two, then number three after a three year gap.

TracyMosby · 14/02/2022 21:05

Ive a 22 month gap. I thought it was great. They could attend some of the same classes when baby to preschoolers. Swimming class one was after the other so i could dress one as one was swimming. And in the early days theyd both have an afternoon nap.

Icantgetalifeifmyheartsnotinit · 14/02/2022 21:05

I really wanted a 3 year gap; a MMC at 14 weeks put paid to that. We're trying again and I couldn't care less about the age gap. There's 6 years between my sister and I and we are absolutely best friends.

Hairyfriend · 14/02/2022 21:07

It depends on so many factors and medical advice based on your own circumstances! Most medical advice is to wait at least 2yrs I thought. There is almost a 5yr gap between my brother and I, my SIL also had the same gap. Each child got a great deal of 1:2:1 time, because by the time the 2nd one arrived, the older was at school, could, use a toilet and be a little more independant.

Close friend had fertility issues and told infertile. Finally had a 3mth old, then pregnant with twins. 3 under 18mths!!! SHe had help from relatives, but it was extremely hard having 3, young babies and only 2 hands.

HerRoyalHappiness · 14/02/2022 21:07

I've got 5 years between DS1 and DD and 19 months between DD and DS2.

I loved both.

cadburyegg · 14/02/2022 21:10

Started trying when DS1 was 23 months and fell pregnant straight away but miscarried at 12 weeks. Fell fairly quickly again and so have a 3 year 3 week gap. That maternity leave was the best year of my life, DS1 adored his baby brother and was old enough to "help" and fetch nappies! DS2 slotted in nicely and was a great sleeper, I have so many happy memories of that year. DS2 had delayed mobility so didn't move until he was nearly 1 and then it became difficult because by then DS1 was 4 and into Lego and quickly got fed up of DS2 trying to get into all his toys! DS1 also started school that year and DS2 stopped sleeping so we spent that year dealing with a lot of changes whilst sleep deprived.

I found the bickering and arguing and sleep really difficult until DS2 was 3. Now at 7 and nearly 4 they still bicker but it's much better than it was.

Noisyneighneigh · 14/02/2022 21:13

There are very nearly 4 years between mine and sometimes I wish they were closer in age so they could play more together. At softplay they play together and it's really cute. There wouldn't have been such a large gap if I hadn't miscarried twice. However it was easier having another once my eldest was potty trained, at nursery, walking longer distance and verbal. Must be exhausting having essentially two babies to look after. I do want another but it's not feasible financially atm so it looks like if I have another, a similarly fairly large gap.

SummerSazz · 14/02/2022 21:15

21 months and one school year apart. I've only had 2 different drop offs (once when dd1 started preschool and once when she went to y7. Sixth form is on the same site (assuming they go there) so it has been massively helpful.

Also their interests are at similar ages and different phases pass through consecutively which is nice. Mind you, not looking forward to gcse/gcse/a level/a level years!

Lulu1919 · 14/02/2022 21:16

I've got 19 months
Would say it worked for us
They are 27 and 29 now both girls

Ilikecheeseontoast · 14/02/2022 21:19

3 years, 3 months. Current ages are 4 and 18 months. It’s equally hard and lovely!

DarkCorner · 14/02/2022 21:23

I’ve always thought 2 years age gap would be good but ended up with 9 years! Honestly, I think it depends on the children’s personalities and how you respond. A friend has a year between her and her sister and always felt friction because her sister was forced into whatever hobby she was doing for convenience. However, that might have worked fine for 2 kids with different personalities. I do think 3 years could be a tricky gap (3 yo too young to deal easily with the change but too aware to roll with it) but not insurmountable.

spinspinsugar55 · 14/02/2022 21:23

4 years between my eldest two which worked in the sense of eldest starting school when I had a newborn.
Then I had twins 8 years later, so there was a 12 year gap between eldest and the twins. Eldest was very helpful with the twin babies!

GrendelsGrandma · 14/02/2022 21:26

At three, the eldest qualifies for free childcare hours (30 if both of you work or 15 in most other situations) which is good to give the older one a break from the baby and to ease the financial strain of childcare cost.

It takes at least a year for your body to recover from the first. I had a 2.5 year age gap and pregnancy with a toddler was not easy, I had insomnia, carpal tunnel and pelvic girdle pain too.

They had incompatible needs until my youngest was about 18 months, after that they began to run around and chase together etc.

JaceLancs · 14/02/2022 21:30

17 months between my DC - worked really well although tough for brief periods
Now grown up and always been very close as siblings

SilverDoe · 14/02/2022 21:33

There are exactly 26 months between my 3 children! (well 26 months between 1 and 2 and then 26 months between 2 and 3.)

I think it's great as they relate to each other, need similar equipment and toys etc. Sometimes it feels a little bit relentless, especially taking them out for the day, but it's so worth having little ones who will go off and play with each other sometimes, and I love our home life. I felt very done after #3 though, so I'm glad the baby years are almost behind us now (DC3 is just turned 2).

PerditaPerdita · 14/02/2022 21:35

12 years is fab

Snugglemuffins4me · 14/02/2022 21:36

I have 2.5 between 1st and 2nd and there will be a 2.5 gap between 2nd and 3rd when they are born . I found it was a good gap eldest is just coming out of high chair , was potty trained etc they still watch the same programmes , toys can be mostly shared now and they love each other’s company.

It will probably be harder this time as our eldest will be starting school in September though .

weegiemum · 14/02/2022 21:42

I have dd1, then exactly (to within 3 days) 2 years till ds, then 22 months to dd2. 3 under 4 was a lot of work, but as they got older they've remained quite close and now they're good friends (eg all going out for ds birthday drinks together this weekend) at 22,20 and 18.

I would have hated a big gap. I had bad PND and having them close together got all the nappies, sleepless nights etc over with. It was a long haul but I'd have hated to be my friend who had ds just after her girls turned 16 and 18! I think it would have broken me.

StScholastica · 14/02/2022 22:07

3 years and then... 11 months between our lads Grin I always wanted twins and for most of their childhoods everyone thought they were!
All 3 are best of friends.

Vispa · 14/02/2022 22:11

10 years between our girls. They adore each other, play together, really are best friends. Our oldest is reliving her early childhood and having a blast!

CoodleMoodle · 14/02/2022 22:36

4 years between mine, now 7 and 3.

Sometimes it's wonderful - when DS was newborn, DD was old enough to go to the toilet on her own, feed herself, play for a few minutes whilst I sorted him out, etc. She also started school when he was 6wks and that was a big help. She's a very sensible kid and understood that sometimes DS had to come first, but I always tried to put her first when he didn't need me, if that makes sense. And now they're best friends, she looks after him however she can, they adore each other. Them laughing together is my favourite thing in the whole world.

But... they also really dislike each other at times. DS is quite physical and DD doesn't always want to be poked and prodded (fair enough!), DS gets jealous if I try to spend time with DD (he doesn't care if DH does!), and DD gets annoyed with him very easily, sometimes unfairly.

Overall it's a good age gap. It was horrendous in lockdown when I was trying to homeschool DD and keep DS out of the way, but as he gets older it's getting better.

eddiemairswife · 14/02/2022 22:38

4 in just under 6 years. Looking back I wonder how I did it, but they all slept well at night, no problems with breastfeeding and I enjoyed looking after them. We managed(just) on my husband's teacher salary. and acknowledged that we would have to go without for a few years; no washing machine until expecting 3rd (cloth nappies),no car. I didn't go back to teaching for many years as I wanted to be involved in their day to day care. My ambition had been to go to University and having done that I wanted to go on to the next stage of life.