Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Did I ruin the day

49 replies

theanswerunknown · 14/02/2022 17:55

So, went away for a day trip to a place a couple of hours away from where we live.
Mid afternoon my husband joked he was going to book us into the very expensive luxury hotel there for the night…we all laughed.
(He’s working tomorrow, didn’t have things with us etc).

Later on it was mentioned again, but this time husband said he would book us in, drive back home, pick up our clothes etc and come back stay the night, leave early in the morning for work and then pick us up tomorrow. I said no, but let’s definitely look at coming back and making a proper break of it.

At this teenage daughter was a bit disappointed and DHs mood completely changed. He went on a real downer and I am now the bad one for ruining the day, even though we did everything we planned to do on our trip.

This hotel costs around £350/400 per night and we could spend this money on other things at the moment. I also would rather be organised and pack accordingly for it etc.

Please be honest - AIBU?

OP posts:

MrsCremuel · 14/02/2022 17:58

No, sensible I’d say! Is he usually impulsive? Not really fair to say it in front of DD without discussing first. I’d hate not having my stuff and wouldn’t be able to relax if working the next day.

fairycakes1234 · 14/02/2022 17:59

I wouldnt want to pay that for a sunday night, id rather go on Fri/Sat when its more lively.I also would prefer to pick my own clothes and be more organised. I dont think you ruined the day, its not like he had it booked. YANBU

OMGItsEarly · 14/02/2022 18:00

He wanted to do a spontaneous, if expensive, thing. You were all out, the mood was good & he wanted to continue that feeling.

However, YWNBU.

In reality, him having to drive home and back for clothes & then get up extra early for work would have been a pain, you having to be out of the hotel wandering around for hours & hours waiting for him to come back and pick you both up would have been exhausting and expensive on top of the hotel cost. I would also feel like you about spending the money on other things.

MischievousBiscuits · 14/02/2022 18:01

Definitely not unreasonable. If I'm going to pay for a fancy hotel, I'd want to be able to enjoy a glass of wine or two in the evening and have time for a nice breakfast next day. His heart is in the right place, but I'd feel the same as you in this situation.

LilliPuttLane · 14/02/2022 18:01

Sounds odd, I’m with you op I wouldn’t have wanted to stay either. I don’t think you though and your idea to go back is much better
I wonder if dd (sounds like not your d though?) perhaps wanted to?

konasana · 14/02/2022 18:02

I think YABU, live a little! Maybe your husband just wants some spontaneity in his life.

traintraveller · 14/02/2022 18:03

I'd be delighted, love a bit of spontaneity. He thought he had a great idea as a treat for you all and you burst his bubble.

JovialNickname · 14/02/2022 18:04

I think it was a nice idea of his, especially as he was going to personally do the picking up of the clothes etc, and leave you and your daughter to enjoy breakfast whilst presumably he'd have to head off to work. Plus it's Valentine's Day! I think it was nice of him to suggest it, life shouldn't always be about doing boring sensible stuff. I think you rained on his parade a bit, and caused your daughter to be disappointed. I doubt he'll bother again, but no problem as it sounds like you don't like romantic gestures anyway.

Original poster

theanswerunknown · 14/02/2022 18:04

@LilliPuttLane thank you. To clarify DD is mine, my DH is her step dad. I worded it badly!

OP posts:

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 14/02/2022 18:05

@konasana

I think YABU, live a little! Maybe your husband just wants some spontaneity in his life.

There's spontaneity, and there's a lack of planning.

This is a lack of planning.

SamphiretheStickerist · 14/02/2022 18:05

There's spontaneity and then there's impossible to manage.

He though a 4 hour round trip (having already travelled there once that day) and then getting up at the crack of dawn for work was a good idea?

What were you and DD supposed to in the c5 hours he would have been gone, travelling, packing, having a wee, filling up the car, etc?

RoyKentsChestHair · 14/02/2022 18:07

It’s a nice idea, but I’d rather pack my own things and get a chance to look forward to it. Rushing around driving home and back again, (then having to be up early, which means probably an early night too) takes half the fun out of it.

RJnomore1 · 14/02/2022 18:07

So what a four hour round drive to pick up stuff? While you kick around? Followed by either getting up at sparrows fart to get bsvk with him for work or kicking around all day again until he can do another four hour round trip to collect you?

Not fun.

jennytogether · 14/02/2022 18:08

I think YABU. It obviously meant something to your DH to do something special and spontaneous for you all, he mentioned it twice. And you’ve made him feel a bit silly and deflated. I’d have gone for it. These are the fun memories that you’ll remember.

LizzieSiddal · 14/02/2022 18:09

This is the sort of thing my dh would do! However I usually say no as I’m a planner and don’t like being spontaneous.. Dh would never go in a strop though, cos that would make him a Twat!

Cofifeefee · 14/02/2022 18:09

I'd probably have said No too but then I think of when we were kids, it's the spontaneous stuff that my parents did that I remember most fondly so it would probably have been a lovely memory for your dd.

Kbyodjs · 14/02/2022 18:12

It sounds like a silly idea to be honest and i would have said no too as I’d want to actually enjoy something like that

SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2022 18:12

@jennytogether

Except our sounds like they've have spent hours waiting for him to come back and then been stuck there tomorrow with no car, checked out and with bags awaiting him to finish work. Thought was sweet, but it wasn't feasible

LuckySnips · 14/02/2022 18:13

He was BU, shouldn't have made a big deal out of it it'll get the kids excited. Of course it's not a great idea to blow hundreds of pounds on sleeping in a different bed after waiting for him to do a 4 hour round trip to get stuff and then getting up at crack of dawn!

Lots of the fun of a fancy night away is the anticipation!

If he wanted to go there he should've planned it. It may not even have had any spare rooms on Valentine's day anyway.

RealBecca · 14/02/2022 18:15

Sounds like he wanted to slope off for a bit and was pissed off he couldn't.

LuckySnips · 14/02/2022 18:15

Actually it annoys me a bit, having the idea is the easy part, the thing that actually takes time and energy is booking it and planning practicalities.

Echobelly · 14/02/2022 18:15

I'd probably feel the same - if I were to stay in a luxury hotel I'd want to properly enjoy it without having to dash off in the morning. And, as others have said, you'd want the anticipation and to be able to look forward to it.

I can understand your DH feeling disappointed as he thought he was making a nice gesture - it's not fair to say you 'ruined the day' though. People do sometimes have to understand that nice gestures are sometimes at the wrong time and be prepared to accept their 'giftee' might not be comfortable with it.

Sarahcoggles · 14/02/2022 18:15

Ridiculous idea OP. YANBU. There’s nothing fun and spontaneous about drivIng for 4 hours , returning with possibly the wrong clothes, before barely having time to enjoy the experience before getting up at the crack of dawn to come home! And as others have said, what would you and your DD do for the 4+ hours he was gone?

Sarahcoggles · 14/02/2022 18:17

OP how about suggesting your DD goes with him to collect your stuff. I imagine the fun might wear off a bit then!

BurntO · 14/02/2022 18:19

YANBU at all! A 4 hour trip to go back and get overnight stuff!? To then leave early the next day? That’s just silly.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread