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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did I ruin the day

49 replies

theanswerunknown · 14/02/2022 17:55

So, went away for a day trip to a place a couple of hours away from where we live.
Mid afternoon my husband joked he was going to book us into the very expensive luxury hotel there for the night…we all laughed.
(He’s working tomorrow, didn’t have things with us etc).

Later on it was mentioned again, but this time husband said he would book us in, drive back home, pick up our clothes etc and come back stay the night, leave early in the morning for work and then pick us up tomorrow. I said no, but let’s definitely look at coming back and making a proper break of it.

At this teenage daughter was a bit disappointed and DHs mood completely changed. He went on a real downer and I am now the bad one for ruining the day, even though we did everything we planned to do on our trip.

This hotel costs around £350/400 per night and we could spend this money on other things at the moment. I also would rather be organised and pack accordingly for it etc.

Please be honest - AIBU?

OP posts:

Esspee · 14/02/2022 18:24

He was being ridiculous. You spoiled nothing.

Sarahcoggles · 14/02/2022 18:31

I’d actually go so far as to say that he spoiled the day. You were having a nice time, he made a ridiculous suggestion, then ruined things by being grumpy when you sensibly said no.

LilJim · 14/02/2022 18:31

I love a spontaneous idea but it sounds a lot of money plus an early start so YANBU.

Would the round trip really have been necessary, could you not have just worn the clothes you came in? Point being, I don't think you spoilt the day at all, but did you respond by coming up with endless (valid) reasons not to, which he tried to address one by one, rather than just saying 'lets do it properly another day so it's a real treat'?

Juliauns91 · 14/02/2022 18:38

That's exactly the kind of thing my husband does. I love that about him. I think there is something a bit deadening about everything being planned to the letter, but everyone is different.
I think your DH wanted to do a nice thing. Unfortunately not everyone likes surprises or being without their toiletries, fresh clothes etc!

yellowsmileyface · 14/02/2022 18:42

I’d actually go so far as to say that he spoiled the day.

I agree with this.

I would have said no, too. Don't let him make you feel bad.

Arabellla · 14/02/2022 18:44

YANBU at all.

Leaving a posh hotel early in the morning would take away all enjoyment of the trip.

Hapoydayz · 14/02/2022 18:46

Yabu why not do something like this. Rather than a trip back you could have popped to a local shop to get essentials if you were heading back early tomorrow or maybe your DH could have taken last minute leave or called in sick.

LuckySnips · 14/02/2022 18:50

I think your DH wanted to do a nice thing.

The "nice thing" would've been to book leave, made a reservation and packed a few things. Not just see a hotel and say "let's stay there tonight"!

WonderfulYou · 14/02/2022 18:52

I don’t understand why your DD was disappointed?
Unless it was already booked or it was the way you said it.

I’m definitely with you that if he needs to get up early then what’s the point!

godmum56 · 14/02/2022 18:59

I"d have done it in a heartbeat!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/02/2022 19:05

Whether people think it's a bad idea or not or whether people reading would enjoy it or not...

...he is allowed to suggest things and you're allowed to say nice idea but I don't fancy it today because of x y and z, so let's do it another time, without him sulking about it and somehow making it so you've 'ruined the day'

He shouldn't ask your opinion on something if he doesnt want an honest response. It would have been different if he had already booked and paid for it as a surprise and you said no then, or if you told him it was a shit idea and he was an idiot for even suggesting it. But assuming you said no politely then he is being a drama queen

thecatsthecats · 14/02/2022 19:21

@RealBecca

Sounds like he wanted to slope off for a bit and was pissed off he couldn't.

Umm... He'd have had to "slope off" all the way home and come back with stuff. Hardly a masterplan of evasion.

Why do people make up any old crap to accuse a man of something on here? The husband was daft, but not malicious. It would have made more sense to shop for a change of clothes than spend money on the petrol for a 4 hour round trip though.

Funkyslippers · 14/02/2022 19:26

He was probably quite excited about the idea but the practicalities are another thing. He'd be gone for 4 hours for each journey. What would be the point exactly?

Bunnyrun5 · 14/02/2022 19:27

2 yrs ago I would have probably felt the same as you, too expensive, haven’t got my stuff, work tmro but since covid I’m all for ‘just do it’ make the memories take the pics because you may not get that chance again!

Figgyboa · 14/02/2022 19:30

@konasana

I think YABU, live a little! Maybe your husband just wants some spontaneity in his life.

Agree with this! Sometimes the unplanned things end up being the best things.

Thatsplentyjack · 14/02/2022 19:35

Driving a 4 hour round trip and then doing it again the next day is ridiculous. Now if he had said you should all go by some cheap new underwear and a few toiletries and stay the night I would definitely have considered it, but I love doing spontaneous things, just never get the chance with 3 kids (one a baby) around 24/7 .

DisforDarkChocolate · 14/02/2022 19:37

If you're going to stay somewhere that nice you need more than one night or you don't get to appreciate the facilities.

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/02/2022 19:42

I’d of said no too, sounds a right fuck around. If you fail to plan you plan to fail.

Obviously don’t say that during a row because ime they don’t take it well.

HappyDays40 · 14/02/2022 19:45

Total none event in my opinion.

Yerroblemom1923 · 14/02/2022 19:53

You didn't spoil the day, he came up with a plan that wasn't practical and then when you made the sensible suggestion of doing it another time turned it on you. Unfair. Also teenagers don't always get it so it wasn't fair to say in front of her - all sounds good in theory but just no.
I'd want my own clothes and stuff. Couldn't trust my dh to bring the correct clothes either! He turned up the day after I'd given birth with my pre-pregnancy size 10 jeans ffs to take me home!?

Technosaurus · 14/02/2022 20:02

I'm with @realbecca on this...

Very odd to willfully want to drive 4/5 hours round trip on the hoof! Was there a match on he wanted to watch somewhere?

affairsofdragons · 14/02/2022 20:05

What he suggested wasn't practical in the slightest.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 14/02/2022 20:18

He would of drive 4 hours to get clothes and drive to work tomorrow which I’m guessing is 2 hours away and pick you up in the evening. Nah he’s not thought it through like you say plan it a evening he’s not working and you can pack your own things .

DryOldCaper · 14/02/2022 20:44

Spontaneity is only fun if the thing being suggested is fun.

A four-hour round trip to get clothes for the night, and then a super early check-out the very next morning because you’ve got work that day is not my idea of fun.

YA completely NBU. But lucky you being made out to be the bad guy because of it.

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