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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DP

30 replies

TomAllenWife · 14/02/2022 09:03

We were out together Friday nite for a big family birthday
Saturday he was out all day with family & friends (just men)
Yesterday he was a bit of a dick to me in the morning but later apologised.
Then went out again last nite with same visiting family.

AIBU that it would've been nice to be asked to go out yesterday even though I would've declined.
AIBU to be upset that he's read my valentines message this morning but is obvs too hungover to reply

He can be so kind and caring but sometimes he's a selfish prick!

(We don't live together but are engaged and renovating our new home)

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 14/02/2022 09:05

Why was he a dick to you? Do you really want to marry a selfish man?

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 14/02/2022 09:07

We got our wires crossed over text, he later apologised

OP posts:
Hunderland · 14/02/2022 09:09

AIBU that it would've been nice to be asked to go out yesterday even though I would've declined.

I hate this sort of game playing. You didn't want to go, why are you upset you weren't invited?

DryOldCaper · 14/02/2022 09:11

@TomAllenWife

We got our wires crossed over text, he later apologised
Is this one of those threads where the OP says - AIBU to think my DP (please say you don’t have kids) is a dick?

And then everyone agrees that yes, he is.

And then you rush to defend him, and then disappear from the thread?

It would be good to know upfront, before we all invest a load of time.

ChittyBangs · 14/02/2022 09:11

@Hunderland

AIBU that it would've been nice to be asked to go out yesterday even though I would've declined.

I hate this sort of game playing. You didn't want to go, why are you upset you weren't invited?

Same
riotlady · 14/02/2022 09:13

Well it depends what him “being a dick” involves but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him going out with family or not inviting you (when you wouldn’t have gone anyway!) tbh

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 14/02/2022 09:13

I'm not game playing but I always try and include him in stuff even if I know he won't go

OP posts:
DryOldCaper · 14/02/2022 09:14

AIBU that it would've been nice to be asked to go out yesterday even though I would've declined.

🙄

Teeturtle · 14/02/2022 09:14

I don’t know what he has done, so can’t say.

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 14/02/2022 09:15

My AIBU isn't about him being a dick then apologising.
We can all be dicks sometimes, I know I can, but I can acknowledge it and apologise which is what he did

OP posts:
Rawtinhail · 14/02/2022 09:15

Is this a recurring pattern? Being out all weekend with you excluded or was this just one of those weekends that everything/everyone else took over? If he's doing it all the time then maybe you have bigger issues. If it's just the odd time like this then put your big girl pants on.
Did he know you wouldn't have gone out last night? Why bother asking if he already knows the answer.
Being shitty with you then apologising is fairly normal, no?

girlmom21 · 14/02/2022 09:16

Unless he cancelled plans with you to go out with other people YABU.

Totalwasteofpaper · 14/02/2022 09:17

On paper he has done nothing that bad.

You sound like you guys don't communicate well and it sounds like this sort of thing is frequent.

I don't recognise what you describe as a good or happy relationship. I'd think long and hard about what your life will look like in 5 years

GeneLovesJezebel · 14/02/2022 09:17

If it’s his family and you were out on Friday night with them, then I don’t see why you needed to be asked yesterday.
And you wouldn’t have gone anyway.
If he’s narked with you about this, you need to consider how you will approach this sort of thing again when you’re married.

Dyrene · 14/02/2022 09:18

@DryOldCaper

AIBU that it would've been nice to be asked to go out yesterday even though I would've declined.

🙄

My thoughts exactly. He went out with family and friends and she’s complaining that he didn’t invite her even though she didn’t want to go.

Surely that is the definition of hard work in a partner.

Same with the he’s read my message but hasn’t replied (by 9am).

You are very hard work OP.

BuritoCat · 14/02/2022 09:20

YABU you didn't want to go, so why are you upset? You're purposely trying to pick a fight, grow up.

Dyrene · 14/02/2022 09:22

@TomAllenWife

My AIBU isn't about him being a dick then apologising. We can all be dicks sometimes, I know I can, but I can acknowledge it and apologise which is what he did
Why mention it then?

He apologised, you accept that.

But still you’re annoyed that he saw friends and family - with you on Friday but not the rest of the weekend (and you’d have declined anyway if he’s asked you). And that he didn’t respond to a message quickly enough for you.

Maybe he’s just busy getting ready for work and he’ll reply later. The thing about messages is that you don’t have to respond immediately. It’s ridiculous to expect anyone to. If you want immediate communication: phone someone. They might not take your call though because people have lives and aren’t necessarily sitting around waiting for you to contact them.

It’s 9:21am!

Louisianagumbo · 14/02/2022 09:22

So your AIBU is about him not inviting you to go somewhere that you didn't want to go? This was a exclusively male family thing and maybe the rest of the men didn't want to have a woman tag along. You say you wouldn't have gone but he wasn't to have known that. And if he did know, what sort of invite is it, inviting someone who you already know won't come? That would be deceitful and insincere on his part.

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 14/02/2022 09:23

Ok thanks

It would seem AIBU, hard work and generally a twat

Thanks MN I appreciate it

OP posts:
Teeturtle · 14/02/2022 09:25

You seem to be just looking for an argument / reason to fall out. It sounds as though you like the drama?

CanofCant · 14/02/2022 09:28

Mm I don't know, I agree with PP it sounds like something of nothing on paper. Have you lived together before? Ime that's a real test.

Rawtinhail · 14/02/2022 09:28

As you've added that answer without responding to any of the reasonable questions to get a bigger idea of the situation, I'd add petulant to your list too.

pictish · 14/02/2022 09:34

Well it’s not about the invite to the specific occasion but about a general lack of consideration I guess.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 14/02/2022 09:48

So he has family visiting who aren’t often around?

Why would you not have gone?

skippy67 · 14/02/2022 09:48

@Teeturtle

You seem to be just looking for an argument / reason to fall out. It sounds as though you like the drama?
This.