MIL not coming to funeral

[Safeashouses73]

Its my dads funeral tomorrow MIL has announced to DH today shes not coming
,even though shes said the whole time she is attending.
This is the second parent I've lost in a year and I've had all the spiel about wanting to support me but apparently now she just doesnt want to.
She knew DF well but if she hadn't made the initial offer I wouldnt of said anything but I'm slightly hurt and annoyed that shes now not coming at the last minute.
Aibu ?

It didn’t occur to me that my FIL ought to be attending my parents’ funerals. I honestly don’t think it is a terrible thing she is doing (or not doing).

Well I would be holding that grudge op. She isn't there for you. Don't keep her at the forefront of you thinking now either.. Leave her to dh in future.

My father died just before Christmas, my in-laws didn’t come and they live very close by.

My inlaws didn’t come to my DF’s funeral. It was a long distance and I didn’t really expect them to come. They supported me in other ways.

I am sorry for your loss, I would focus on those around you

Sorry for your loss and sending you all good wishes for getting through the next few days.

I think some posters are missing the point - it's not about whether in laws should or shouldn't be expected to attend. It's about someone requesting to attend when not specifically invited and then backing out at the last minute without giving any explanation or apology. That's very rude and disrespectful. The OP shouldn't have to worry about that the night before the funeral.

I know if I refused to go to DH family members funerals I would be badly thought of.

That’s a different situation. I’ve been to funerals of my husband’s relatives but I wouldn’t expect MIL to come to any of mine. My mum never went to FIL’s funeral, there was never any question that she would.

Not on to just say ‘I don’t fancy it’ without giving a reason - let’s face it, none of us want to go to a funeral.

MIL hasn’t actually said that, that seems to be OP’s take on it.

@GetOffTheTableMabel

See I totally disagree with that. I think that funerals are for YOU to say goodbye/make your peace/whatever with the deceased. They are a completely personal thing. I also don't believe anyone has the right to ban people from a funeral - it doesn't belong to you, it is something between the mourner and the deceased.