To ask you to psychoanalyse me

[analyseme]

Why do I constantly seek out challenge?
Not like constructive challenges like 3 peaks or something but conversational challenge.

I purposefully befriend people of the opposite political standing, from a completely different back ground, surround myself with a variety of people who have strong views and when with them will seek to challenge their arguments.

It’s getting worse as I’m getting older, much worse.

I seem to enjoy leaving ambiguous statements and then challenging the responder when they jump to a conclusion. Just to insight a challenge, when I’m bored?

I’m sure most people just think I’m an arsehole but what is going on up stairs, why do I enjoy this? I’m never rude or heated or result to personal attacks even though most do get frustrated/result in personal attacks.

@CrumpetsSwansBeagles

Also can you describe your father in three words please?

Much as I love blaming parents for things, maybe OP is just a wanker.

None of us were born wankers @EmmaH2022. We learned to be wankers from being around other wankers.

@Homehunter52

Interesting! I wonder if:

• You have a bit of a superiority complex and it boosts your self esteem further to see other people get angry and flustered while you feel sure you are right. (Was there sibling rivalry growing up? Are you the older one?)

or maybe -

• You are subconsciously looking for opportunities to connect with people, but are too proud / insecure to just be friendly for fear of getting rejected (were you part of a complicated social group at school? bullied / mocked by your friends?)

I have a “friend” who is like this OP and both of these definitely apply to him. He loves to be seen as the intellectual superior one, but deep down he’s lonely and tries to use this as a way to connect with people. But people get fed up of being lectured all the time and distance themselves from him.

What emotion do you feel when you have these debates?

I think you secretly want to live in a village.

I feel adrenaline, sweaty palms, as if I can feel my blood pumping around my body.

My dad: kind, reliable and don’t know the word for this does everything to excess

Yes I’m female.

Ha itwould be great if I was a barrister, unfortunately not though so I just get the latter.

I’m not sure what you mean by cerebral interactions @caulkheaded help a layman out.

You’re definitely right in that I push people away quite early on, I just started to befriend someone (met up a handful of times through mutual circumstances) and then pulled away when they started mentioning future plans longer than next week, which is silly because they would make a great friend.

I will look up EUPD

I don’t really want the children growing up thinking this is how adults interact, I can see they’re watching. It’s only ever affected me before so I’ve never given it much thought until now

I think maybe if you were shouted down as a child you are trying to recreate this but this time you “win” or are in control of the situation?

Anyone, anytime can use a brain filter:-

What do I want to achieve?
Why am I saying this?
What reaction is saying this going to have?
Etc

I was never hugely opinionated but I have managed to filter out my more “out there” thoughts and opinions by doing this.

You might just enjoy arguing and need to join a debating club!

@OneTC

Yeah you just sound like a common garden variety arsehole

🤣

@analyseme

I feel adrenaline, sweaty palms, as if I can feel my blood pumping around my body.

My dad: kind, reliable and don’t know the word for this does everything to excess

Yes I’m female.

Ha itwould be great if I was a barrister, unfortunately not though so I just get the latter.

I’m not sure what you mean by cerebral interactions @caulkheaded help a layman out.

You’re definitely right in that I push people away quite early on, I just started to befriend someone (met up a handful of times through mutual circumstances) and then pulled away when they started mentioning future plans longer than next week, which is silly because they would make a great friend.

I will look up EUPD

Can't you just try a spin class?!

@CrumpetsSwansBeagles

None of us were born wankers *@EmmaH2022*. We learned to be wankers from being around other wankers.

Kevin!

Kevin!

OP jokes aside, is it just because of the DC seeing it that you want to stop?

Are you my sister? It sounds like it?

What was your relationship like with your father. Ha, just kidding. Psychoanalysis is a load of bullshit and mainstream psychologists wouldn’t touch it with a 10 foot barge pole (see also the MBTI. Pure hokum).

I mean, are you more in your mind than your body? So if you talked about a situation and someone asked “how do you feel about it?” would you be more likely to move to how you think about it?

Or do you ever notice what’s happening like your heart racing, feeling tense shoulders etc and notice it is linked to a situation or feeling?

Diagnosis is fine - some people find it helpful. But remember it is a term put to a collection of reactions/coping strategies/ways of regulating yourself in response to things that have happened. You need to do the work rather than say “I’m like this because of my diagnosis”.

Sometimes it’s worth just asking yourself “is this working - this way I’m responding to people - is it getting me what I need” and then go from there.

It sounds like you may have attachment difficulties, and this is about you controlling things and also making sure you don't get close to people?

I would think you might find it interesting to read about attachment theory and specifically avoidant attachment and patterns of behaviour. I would wonder what your views are on abandonment and the need to provoke and push people away before they get too close.

You refer to it as "challenge" to others but it sounds like defence mechanisms and insecure/ trust issues.

@EmmaH2022 yes, I’ve always just thought I was a bit of an arse hole and not put much thought into it. Except they’re mimicking everything I do and I don’t want it to be this.

Thank you, I’d say both? The feelings are intense. Yes @caulkheaded I suppose I know not everyone is like this, I won’t become even more challenging and say ‘well I’ve got this trauma’ I want to know so that I can unpack it and stop it. Maybe relax a little bit 😂.

Thanks everyone I will be finding some irl to discuss it with, assuming a private family/relationship therapist and/or councillor will be appropriate rather than a GP for hardcore treatment type thing?