To ask you to psychoanalyse me

[analyseme]

Why do I constantly seek out challenge?
Not like constructive challenges like 3 peaks or something but conversational challenge.

I purposefully befriend people of the opposite political standing, from a completely different back ground, surround myself with a variety of people who have strong views and when with them will seek to challenge their arguments.

It’s getting worse as I’m getting older, much worse.

I seem to enjoy leaving ambiguous statements and then challenging the responder when they jump to a conclusion. Just to insight a challenge, when I’m bored?

I’m sure most people just think I’m an arsehole but what is going on up stairs, why do I enjoy this? I’m never rude or heated or result to personal attacks even though most do get frustrated/result in personal attacks.

You sound like you think highly of yourself and your opinions and that the opinions of others don't matter.

It sounds like you lack emotional intelligence and thinking skills to think ahead. You could work on your interpersonal skills if you want but you might actually think you are too good for all that.

Attention seeker

There's nothing wrong with enjoying a healthy debate, or the process of arguing / defending a point of view. I love a good debate with someone who holds different opinions, and I get a weird satisfaction about constructing arguments to defend unorthodox / unpopular opinions even if I don't hold those opinions myself.

But you have to find an appropriate outlet for that kind of debate / discussion - it's not fair to lure people into it when they're not expecting it and don't want to do it. That's not a constructive debate, it's rude and obnoxious.

Everyone wants attention. Most of us get less of it than we would like. Growing up is largely about coming to terms with this. I'm sure you will get there eventually.

@Daenerys77

Everyone wants attention. Most of us get less of it than we would like. Growing up is largely about coming to terms with this. I'm sure you will get there eventually.

How true this is.

You want to kill your father and have sex with his wife.🧐

"Attention seeking" is just another way of saying "connection seeking". It sounds like you have trouble feeling connected through more chilled means so you orchestrate the dramas.

Fighting with someone can be a very strong connection (albeit a negative one).

Also if you're angry/hurting about something else, drama is an effective distraction.

Just make the decision that you're not going to indulge in these games anymore, and seek out positive ways of connecting.

I’d be curious what you’d be expecting. Is the joy in the debate or in being right?

Are most interactions cerebral - what’s it like to experience your emotions being met well by another??

What’s your experience of shame? What’s the worst thing someone could say about you?

You lack empathy, security and are selfishly childish? You care more about your own ego and entertainment and pleasure than you do about your impact on other people? Or yeah, you are just an asshole in general. Maybe you've been abandoned by your parents physically or emotionally or both and this is the trauma you are processing by constantly challenging everyone around you - you are worthy after all and you will show them by beating them into the ground with your superior words. You get to right the wrongs of your trauma by "winning" every time you can. Plleaasee stop this bollocks. Trauma or not life's too short to put up with psychological shit like yours so let me suggest you get some counselling, get your head from up your own ass, do some charity work or volunteering with people to try and kickstart your empathy muscles and put your ego to one side for a while, aye? Fight or flight activated in permanent "fight" position is exhausting for you and tedious for everyone else. If you "enjoy" it then you, quite frankly are either damaged or deranged and maybe both. I'm a professional in my field so I really do know what I'm talking about. You need to seek help.

Because pissing off people you believe to be idiots is morally less of a harm than pulling legs off spiders?

What was your dad like when you were growing up OP?

@NeverDropYourMooncup wins the thread I think

1. why do you think it is?

2. can I charge £200 for asking that? 😂

3. how do you make friends initially? Do you just act in a nice normal way so they don't realise you are looking for lab rats?

I went on first dates with a couple of the "I want a lab rate" types. I think it's just what they find interesting but on one occasion I did actually claim migraine and go home.

*rat not rate!

Are you male or female?

Do you think you’re a psychopath? That you’re smarter than other people?

Bait them into a row and then charm them back into being your friend? Like kicking a puppy then stroking and giving it snuggles?

I’ve met a couple of people who do what you describe in your op. They’re dangerous people to be around emotionally.

Yes I have a few friends, not lots bet you’re not wondering why but a few long standing ones and seem to make at least one if I start a new job or something.

It’s not always about being right, I change my opinion on things too if I learn something new.

Well yes some people can be idiots including me at times, but not everyone, I’m the same with everyone and to be honest I’ve never got any challenge from someone I thought was an idiot.

Hah No I’m not trying to argue with people on the thread I’m just curious, why the hell I go through the effort when I could just say ‘ok’ and move on.

That’s interesting @CrumpetsSwansBeagles, I was abandoned by my mother. Thank you

What is High Conflict Personality?
A person with a High Conflict Personality (HCP) usually has underlying trauma associated with distinct personality traits. Traditional diagnostic categories characterize persons with these personality qualities as “dramatic, emotional or erratic” cluster (Cluster B) that includes antisocial, borderline, narcissistic and histrionic personality “disorders.” Personality issues are often longstanding patterns of behavior and experience that adversely affect a person’s interrelationships with others and ability to function effectively in the world. People with HCP do not necessarily fall neatly into one of these recognized categories. Instead, they can demonstrate symptoms from one or more of the Cluster B diagnostic categories, and they may by exclusion fit into the category of “Personality disorder not otherwise specified.”

Do you think it may be the above, op?

Two of my relatives think it's very humorous to make various critical statements disguised as jokes. I think we're supposed to banter back, but it's just wearing and rude.

I see it as inadequacy on their part, to be honest.

Is there a downside to this for you? Are you missing out on friendships you'd like to pursue? If not, I wouldn't worry.

I would be curious (as a therapist) if following the abandonment from your mum if you’ve started to say to yourself they you’ll push people away (or make yourself unlikeable) before other people push you away or decide they don’t want to be around you.

I know someone exactly like that.

He is an excellent barrister.

but otherwise, crap company, ends up arguing with everyone and people limit how much time they have to spend with him.

I wonder if you were called a liar or stupid? So you are now deliberately bating others to make them appear like a liar or stupid so you can turn the tables on your abuser/s? Victim to Perp therapy full cycle? Even
if this is the case you're still very damaged and need to seek therapy. Do you have any diagnosis of EUPD OP?

It's like you're saying you are not interested in the person just what reaction you can get out of them.
Making friends is finding common ground, accepting differences and caring about them. Do you do this ?

Also can you describe your father in three words please?