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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To book my own birthday where I want it?

52 replies

BirthdayWhereIWantorNot · 13/02/2022 11:18

Have a big birthday later this year.

I really want to go to a certain restaurant. They don’t allow children under a certain age, my own DD is over that age so can come with me.

Two of the invitees have children under that age, ones a single parent so will probably not come. Another is married and has family support but isn’t ready to leave their DC yet.

I have accepted that they probably won’t come but they’re also likely to be hurt that they aren’t able to come.

So WWYD? Book it or book somewhere else that I want to go to less just so they can bring their children?

For added context a mutual friend whose also invited is getting married after my birthday and we’re all in the wedding party so it could make things awkward.

OP posts:

SparkleSpangle · 13/02/2022 11:19

Personally I think the company is more important than the meal. But it's your birthday so do what you want.

Daisy4569 · 13/02/2022 11:21

I’d book somewhere you can all go, do the restaurant you want another time as a mum and daughter meal

SalmonEile · 13/02/2022 11:22

How many people are you inviting?

VainAbigail · 13/02/2022 11:23

If I really wanted those people there then I’d book somewhere different. But I guess it’s up to you to decide how much you actually want them there.

Teeturtle · 13/02/2022 11:23

I would choose venue according to who I want to come. I wouldn’t want children at my birthday dinner so if I wanted an adult restaurant there would be no issue.

However if I wanted the children to come, then I would pick a suitable restaurant.

FinallyHere · 13/02/2022 11:24

What is more important to you, the venue or the larger group of attendees.

I would be tempted to do two events, a very small group say two, four or six adults at your favourite venue then a larger family friendly event elsewhere.

Would your budget stretch to both?

XiCi · 13/02/2022 11:27

I would book that restaurant just with DH and have a lovely celebration meal there and then book another restaurant for a bigger celebration with all my friends and family there. I definitely wouldn't even think of excluding good friends from my birthday party, I'd want them all there with me. Pretty shit to book somewhere you know they will not be able to attend if they are good friends

Sparticuscaticus · 13/02/2022 11:28

Book what you want, it's your birthday. If you have a wider group of friends (but not if it's only 5 of you and 2 can't come, yes if it's 10 and 2 can't come)

When you talk about it say it's how you've 'always envisioned your (big) birthday' and are so excited

Your friends can come & arrange babysitters or politely decline, to which you rely oh that's a shame. That's their call.

TabithaTittlemouse · 13/02/2022 11:29

It will be a bit rubbish with no friends.

MaizeAmaze · 13/02/2022 11:33

I'd book the place you want to go, but no kids at all. Adults only.

Roundtoedshoes · 13/02/2022 11:34

How old is your DD? If she is 8 (for example), I’d think it was a weird dynamic if others couldn’t bring their 6 year olds (obviously just guessing ages). If others can’t get childcare/won’t leave their kids, I’d go somewhere all of you can enjoy and save the restaurant for a date with DH, or wait until the next birthday where the kids are all old enough to be left at home (not sure what level of niceness you are talking about, but it would be likely wasted on kids anyway).

NoSquirrels · 13/02/2022 11:36

It’s a big birthday, have 2 celebrations!

Go as just your immediate family to the restaurant (you, DD, DP if you have one) and then have a bigger meal at a more casual place. Friday or Saturday night dinner at posh place (or on your birthday itself if it’s a weekday) and brunch for the family-friendly affair.

FluffyBooBoo · 13/02/2022 11:37

I would ask them if they would be able to make it. If they could, great! If they couldn't, I would have a family meal at the place I wanted to go, and a meal at a place that everyone, including their children, could go to.

Original poster

BirthdayWhereIWantorNot · 13/02/2022 15:21

Single parent here also so no DH/DP.

My DD is 7 the other children are all under 5, venue won't let under 5s even babies in.

I'd be inviting these 2 friends who have 5 children between them, the friend whose bridal party we're in and her DD whose 10, my mum, my cousin, and my two aunts. So a group of us.

I do like these people but they're not my best friends.

OP posts:

Original poster

BirthdayWhereIWantorNot · 13/02/2022 15:21

Budget won't stretch to two celebrations otherwise I'd do that.

OP posts:

Doidontimmm · 13/02/2022 15:28

Do you have to invite them?

FetchezLaVache · 13/02/2022 15:36

@Daisy4569

I’d book somewhere you can all go, do the restaurant you want another time as a mum and daughter meal

This, surely?

Original poster

BirthdayWhereIWantorNot · 13/02/2022 15:36

@Doidontimmm

Do you have to invite them?

@Doidontimmm No but they invited me to their big birthdays a few years ago (1 i went to the other I couldn't) so it feels a bit mean to not invite them.

OP posts:

Doidontimmm · 13/02/2022 15:43

I think it’s worse inviting them somewhere their kids are excluded to be honest. There must surely be another restaurant?

Could you ask them if they can get childcare and if so book there and if not elsewhere?

Original poster

BirthdayWhereIWantorNot · 13/02/2022 15:45

@Doidontimmm

I think it’s worse inviting them somewhere their kids are excluded to be honest. There must surely be another restaurant?

Could you ask them if they can get childcare and if so book there and if not elsewhere?

@Doidontimmm They won't be able to, the one whose married could in theory leave her DC with her husband but won't, she kicked up a fuss over other friends wedding because she wasn't going to invite the DC but had to.

The single parent doesn't have any family around at all, so no-one to leave the DC with. Means going in school time which leaves out my DD and I really want my DD there.

OP posts:

Laiste · 13/02/2022 15:54

If you've set your heart on this venue then i think you would make life easier by sticking to your family and not inviting friends.

You know that 2 out of the 3 of them (who are going to be in a bridal party together with you this year) can't/wont come and inviting knowing that is more likely to cause fuss than not inviting the 3 at all.

Original poster

BirthdayWhereIWantorNot · 13/02/2022 15:54

@Laiste

If you've set your heart on this venue then i think you would make life easier by sticking to your family and not inviting friends.

@Laiste I think that might be the best plan thank you

OP posts:

Laiste · 13/02/2022 15:56

No problem

Enjoy!

blubberyboo · 13/02/2022 15:56

I don’t think anyone can reasonable expect that everywhere you might choose to go on a night out always has to accommodate their children.

Most people accept that an adult night out doesn’t involve kids so you either get a babysitter or don’t go.

Book it for the venue you want. You can always have a catch up lunch at a later date for those that can’t make it.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 13/02/2022 15:58

Agree with blubbery. Other people's childcare arrangements are not your problem. If you want this restaurant, book it.

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