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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate spending time with my husband?

44 replies

FullTime10 · 13/02/2022 08:25

At the weekend / time off work.

I feel like I can go from being quite happy during the week when we don't really see each other much to feeling so irritated by him when we do like at the weekend when we're off work for example.

During the week I feel like we are in such better moods and we genuinely get on during the small amount of the day we see each other for.

If we have to spend any decent amount of time together though I hate it. I feel like I hate him. I can't stand being around him for a full day, everything he does annoys me.

OP posts:
Onlyforcake · 13/02/2022 08:26

.... Sounds doomed.

Titfortatfortit · 13/02/2022 08:27

Sounds like… dramatic music The Ick.

Original poster
FullTime10 · 13/02/2022 08:31

@Titfortatfortit

Sounds like… dramatic music The Ick.
It probably is tbf. He doesn't help himself by just being a twat the whole time. He never helps with anything, just lies in bed for ages refusing to do anything then accusing me of being in a mood.

Tbh I'd love to leave if I could but feel like I can't.

OP posts:
Horse9 · 13/02/2022 08:32

Life is too short xx

girlmom21 · 13/02/2022 08:38

Why can't you leave?

Original poster
FullTime10 · 13/02/2022 08:40

@girlmom21

Why can't you leave?
I'm in a much better position financially by staying. Not sure how on earth I'd afford to leave and it would mean not seeing my son all the time. It's what stops me each time I consider it.
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 13/02/2022 08:41

Money isn't everything and your son would rather his mom be happy. Would H even want regular contact if he's a lazy, useless arse?

Original poster
FullTime10 · 13/02/2022 08:42

@girlmom21

Money isn't everything and your son would rather his mom be happy. Would H even want regular contact if he's a lazy, useless arse?
He probably would, but only because it looks good I imagine. How he'd actually manage it I don't know.
OP posts:
LuckyAmy1986 · 13/02/2022 08:42

Have you spoken to him about this and what bothers you? Do you feel like you could or that thing later would improve?

Rainbowlaceshelp · 13/02/2022 08:42

If he's just lying around in bed what are you doing? He's in bed - go do whatever you fancy, you're free! I thought he was making you play golf or Xbox or go fishing or something.

Averydifferentwoman · 13/02/2022 08:44

He's in bed - go do whatever you fancy, you're free

Her son I imagine

Original poster
FullTime10 · 13/02/2022 08:44

@Rainbowlaceshelp

If he's just lying around in bed what are you doing? He's in bed - go do whatever you fancy, you're free! I thought he was making you play golf or Xbox or go fishing or something.
I mean lying in bed doing absolutely fuck all to hell with our 1 year old or anything around the house.

I literally just asked him "can you help me please" because son was being a nightmare and he just went "no" and carried on lying there in bed on his phone.

In the week it's like s different marriage but that's just because we don't have to spend any large amount of time together.

OP posts:
Original poster
FullTime10 · 13/02/2022 08:45

Help not hell*

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 13/02/2022 08:45

This is how I new I needed to break up with an ex. Everything he did drove me insane and I hated being around him.

I don’t feel like that with DH. He does things that annoy me but I miss him when he’s not around and love it when we’re at home together.

I think you need to put yourself first and end it.

Original poster
FullTime10 · 13/02/2022 08:46

@LuckyAmy1986

Have you spoken to him about this and what bothers you? Do you feel like you could or that thing later would improve?
No I don't feel like I can talk to him. He's never in the wrong. He would never see it from my point of view.
OP posts:
wingscrow · 13/02/2022 08:47

Then do the right thing and leave.

Why would you want to be with someone you dislike? It is also unfair on him...

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 13/02/2022 08:48

I literally just asked him "can you help me please" because son was being a nightmare and he just went "no" and carried on lying there in bed on his phone.

He’s a twat! Leave him!

Northernsoullover · 13/02/2022 08:51

I'm not going to lie being a lone parent IS difficult financially. But it's worth every penny (pun intended).
My money worries pale into insignificance when I think about living with their useless father. You don't have to do anything rash. Start costing stuff out. Maybe look at a future date where things will become easier ie free nursery hours? Any courses you can do? It might not be easy now with a toddler but perhaps explore short courses maybe?
Having a future plan might help improve the way you feel today.

SunshineOnKeith · 13/02/2022 08:51

Let's face it. Beyond an initial bout of performance parenting when you leave, he's vanishingly unlikely to be arsed to pursue regular contact with your child.

Do you really want this life for the next 30 years? Is this the role model you want for your child?

Longdistance · 13/02/2022 08:54

I’d rather be poor and happy, than miserable being tied to that lazy fucker!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 13/02/2022 08:55

So, do you want this... For thr next 5/10/20 years??

Cos that's what you'll get unless a) he massively changes... Which sounds unlikely given his behavior currently.

b) you split up.

I wonder, have you instead of presenting it as 'helping you'.. Its phrased differently... Its worked with several people i know with useless partners..

So not 'can you help me with the baby?' can you help me by making tea?

To
Can you /please do, your share of caring for OUR child?

Please do your share of making /buying food?

I thibk wjth some blokes this idea of 'helping', they see as a one down /assistant/servile position ? They want ti feel 'in charge' HmmGrin

Stillfunny · 13/02/2022 08:56

Makes you really think you hate him doesn't it ? I had one like that at weekends wanted to go nowhere and do nothing. Boring bastard. Felt because he worked that he could sit around the house.

But this is when my kids were older. The fact that your DH has no interest in spending time with and helping with his own baby is disgusting.

kittykutty · 13/02/2022 08:56

I don't think leaving is helpful, realistically you're not going to over something like this, it's overwhelming. Maybe try separating for a while instead and if it's the same in x amount of time then leave.

That way you don't have the mental load of leaving and moving house and all the financials.

inheritancetrack · 13/02/2022 09:00

Make arrangements at the weekend to do things with your son that don't involve your H. Leave your son with him and go out and meet friends, use his lack of interest in spending quality time with you to spend it by yourself and with your son.

Whatadayyyy · 13/02/2022 09:06

Leave him. Do you want to spend your whole life feeling sad and irritated by someone? Life is too short! Go on entitled to and check what benefits you will be eligible for if you go it alone, you might be surprised how much you will get. That plus child maintenance, there is also a calculator you can use to work this out too. Have a look and then check if you can afford to take on family home alone or how much rentals are in your area. Trust me it may very well work out better financially than you expect

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