To hate spending time with my husband?

[FullTime10]

At the weekend / time off work.

I feel like I can go from being quite happy during the week when we don't really see each other much to feeling so irritated by him when we do like at the weekend when we're off work for example.

During the week I feel like we are in such better moods and we genuinely get on during the small amount of the day we see each other for.

If we have to spend any decent amount of time together though I hate it. I feel like I hate him. I can't stand being around him for a full day, everything he does annoys me.

He does sound useless but, since he contributes financially, I would be aiming to find a way to make this work until your baby is a few years older. Above all, I would NOT be having more children with him.

Arrange stuff on the weekend so you aren't at home watching him fester and getting frustrated that he isn't helping with your DC. See friends, go places, visit family. Think about the longer term, and what you need to have in place if things don't get better and you choose to live. But for now, if I was better off staying, I would stay.

Sounds miserable. How long are you together? Was he like this before your son was born?

Leave. You will so much happier and so will your son

I read this
And want to crack open the champagne that I’m a single parent
I love every day

Sounds like your marriage is over OP.

If we have to spend any decent amount of time together though I hate it. I feel like I hate him. I can't stand being around him for a full day, everything he does annoys me.

Does he feel that same about you ?.

@Pyewhacket

If we have to spend any decent amount of time together though I hate it. I feel like I hate him. I can't stand being around him for a full day, everything he does annoys me.

Does he feel that same about you ?.

I've no idea.

I couldn't live like that! Leave!

@Longdistance

I’d rather be poor and happy, than miserable being tied to that lazy fucker!

Hear hear!

I feel really bad for you, OP. And I think you should reconsider wether being financially more comfortable is worth being miserable in the company of someone you don’t like and someone who doesn’t respect you.

I see a lot of women on these boards lately who say they are biding their time, waiting for more financial independence or their kids to be older to leave their shitbag husbands.
It makes me sad to think that some women are just silently screaming for years on end because they want to leave but don’t feel like they can.

It just feels like such a daunting thing, leaving.

We are so intertwined in every way. Even work. I don't even work independently from him, we jointly own a business.

I see a lot of women on these boards lately who say they are biding their time, waiting for more financial independence or their kids to be older

This is how I feel yes. I keep telling myself I can just do this.

@FullTime10

It’s always going to feel daunting. Even if you wait, it still will feel that way, you’ll just be more tired from years of gritting your teeth.

Obviously I don’t know your circumstances and I won’t pretend to know what’s best for you and your kid, but as someone who has been in a situation that’s similar- I’m now a single mum and financially worse off and I am so much happier. (And my son is thriving better now we don’t have a lazy sulky man child in the house).

Whatever way it turns out, I hope things get better for you soon.

Please please please seriously think about leaving. Arrange some counselling to talk it through with someone if you can.

I was you 13 years ago. I'm still in the marriage. I barely recognise myself. I constantly feel like I am unraveling. I also felt I couldn't leave because of my son/money/what would everyone think etc

Your comment about there being no point talking to him really struck a chord with me. My husband is similar. There is no point speaking to him as he will instantly become both the victim and defensive. This means you cannot air your entirely legitimate and reasonable grievances (and they are legitimate and reasonable even if he makes you feel like you're just a nag for bringing them up).

Please don't waste another 5/10/15 years on this. You deserve to be happy, loved and supported.

It’s hard if it’s not bad all the time - a real headfuck

You are writing this now as it’s the weekend but tomorrow you will feel that everything is kind of ok.

It’s so confusing isn’t it, if you felt the same everyday it would make the decision a lot easier.

I meant to say, I have also found there have been good patches in the marriage but they don't last long. So we might have a few months or even years being ok but eventually i start to feel miserable again. I also expect those good times were when I was ignoring and excusing poor behaviour from him.

Also - I know really dislike myself because I have turned into a not very nice person when I'm with him. This is because I haven't been able to deal with the bigger issues so all my pent up hurt and anger comes out in small ways constantly. It's not healthy.

If you can't leave can you improve your weekends?
Make plans without him for you and your son.
Make plans which means he has to care for your son.

I was brought up by a single mum, we were poor. Tbh it bonded us together, we are close now and I thank her all the time for leaving my dad. I don't see him anymore and he is rich, just to put things in perspective. Yes it was hard for us sometimes, for a while we had no heating, shared rooms etc, but I watched my mum work to give us a better life and I think she's amazing for it. We have fantastic memories together, she came round last night for dinner and we were crying with laughter reminiscing about things. Leaving someone who makes you unhappy is the greatest gift you can give your children.

I would start getting my ducks in a row by changing your business entanglement.

He is lazy and selfish he has checked out of family life