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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off

50 replies

Rosesfriends · 12/02/2022 21:56

I need advice. My partner constantly tells me to shush whenever I make a conversation. Especially when he's trying to watch something. I'm also on maternity leave and we just had an argument. Since our baby has been born he has never kissed me even during sex and just now we had an argument because he plays video games as soon as he finishes work and km getting pissed off and he said I don't do any work as I'm on maternity. I was soo pissed off. I'm off work but I don't stop during the day from looking after our baby washing cleaning and as soon as he finishes work he plays games. He finished work at 5 last night and played games until 11 pm. Then this morning me and baby stayed in bed until 10 and he was downstairs playing games. So pissed off!

OP posts:
NeesAndToes · 12/02/2022 22:02

Let him look after the baby for a day.. he'll see how "easy" it is..

AprilShowers82 · 12/02/2022 22:04

Aside from him being a lazy fucker, the shushing you is disgustingly disrespectful. Withholding affection is awful, too. You deserve more, Op. x

NeesAndToes · 12/02/2022 22:05

@AprilShowers82

Aside from him being a lazy fucker, the shushing you is disgustingly disrespectful. Withholding affection is awful, too. You deserve more, Op. x
This is true. Although do you want affection from him when he sounds horrible? I hope you are enjoying your baby snuggles x
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 12/02/2022 22:06

Well I hope you aren't doing his washing or cooking op?

Eucalyptusbee · 12/02/2022 22:08

He sounds like a horrible man child

Get rid of the console and ask him to help

Sushing you is ridiculously rude

Original poster
Rosesfriends · 12/02/2022 22:15

I return to work in a few months but I really want to stay at home to be with my baby but I know if I stay home we would break up. He won't hug me or kiss me. I know I shouldn't want affection when he acts a certain way but it's horrible when he doesn't give me any attention. I go in for a kiss to see how he reacts and its like he's disgusted by me. He seems to think I do nothing but like every mum or dad they do everything for they're little baby it just hurt saying I do nothing as I'm on maternity. Yeah I do the washing and cleaning. We have lived together 2 years and he's hoovered the house once and that was when I was 7 months pregnant whilst at work

OP posts:
Kinko · 12/02/2022 23:12

How was he towards you before the baby was born? Aside from being lazy with housework - how did he treat and speak to you?

Honeyroar · 12/02/2022 23:14

He really doesn’t sound like a keeper.

Original poster
Rosesfriends · 13/02/2022 02:01

Doing the night feed... He was totally different before our baby was born. Hugs and kisses. Very loving now there is no intimacy occasional sex like once every 2weeks but he definitely looks at me differently since our baby was born. Like he will come behind me and say f... Anal and I tell him do you seriously think I'm going to sleep with you when you say that. He's so disrespectful

OP posts:
yorkshireteaspoonie · 13/02/2022 04:07

For starters I'd take the fuse out of the bloody games console.

I'm not sure my OH would live to see another day if he shushed me tbh. Please stand up for yourself you don't have to put up with the degrading way he's treating you 💐

Nowayoutonlydown · 13/02/2022 04:56

I don't understand his attitude towards you. Its disgusting.
Have you discussed what your day looks like? Have you discussed what the responsibilities you take on in the house would cost in real terms for someone else to do them?

I really think that for starters that needs to be a conversation you need to have to he respects what you're doing.
Obviously you're home with the baby all day- How many hours is he out a day? Add that all up to whatever you'd pay in childcare.
Cooking? Shopping? Cleaning?

By the time you've added all of that in? That's your worth right there- and that's just against the time he's working.

Why isn't he coming home and sharing the responsibility?

Then je treats you coldly?
I'm so sorry. You deserve much better treatment than this.

Original poster
Rosesfriends · 13/02/2022 06:48

I'm doing the second night feed and he's pissed off back to sleep. He was totally different before baby. The sex was amazing but now it's mostly gone. He currently works from home. He will do the dishes maybe once a day but mostly its me. It just pisses me off when he seems to think because I don't work atm I don't do anything. Who does our babies nappies during the day. Yesterday annoyed me I do everything all week while he works at home yet yesterday morning I had to do the nappies again I'm not complaining but he just carries on playing games. What parent plays games before 10 am on a Saturday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosesfriends · 13/02/2022 06:50

Also does anyone find it weird my partner has never said he loves me since we gave had our baby. Whereas he loves used to say it before our baby was born.

OP posts:
Duracellbunnywannabe · 13/02/2022 06:55

But he wasn’t total different before you had the baby, he expected you to do all the house work. This says a lot about what he thinks about you and more importantly his ‘entitlement’.

wingscrow · 13/02/2022 07:18

Why are you with this man exactly?

He sounds like a lazy, disrespectful and entitled toddler...

Original poster
Rosesfriends · 13/02/2022 09:44

I'm just seriously thinking about what I should do. Him constantly telling me to shush is so disrespectful. We don't have any conversation. Last night we were in bed and he totally ignored me while he watched his TV programme.

OP posts:
NeesAndToes · 13/02/2022 10:04

Oh my god you poor thing. Have you spoken to him about it? Just said look, do you still love me? Do you still love him?

Original poster
Rosesfriends · 13/02/2022 10:09

I've said you never say you love me anyone and he just ignores me. Yeah I do still love him but I'm finding it hard how long I can the way he's acting. I don't think he loves me anymore. There's no affection there anymore. We had sex last Sunday he didn't kiss me once during it or look at me. We did it then he went to play games. I feel so used

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 13/02/2022 10:12

He is being cruel to you. Shushing is rude but ignoring you and not kissing you or being loving, that's cruelty. As a new mum you are as vulnerable as when you were pregnant, and extra so for the baby.

Give this some thought. You and your baby, without him. Peace of mind. No-one hurting your feelings. I was a single mother from when my dd was 4, and it's no bed of roses, but it's better than living with cruelty.

StopStartStop · 13/02/2022 10:15

And the sex you just described? It destroys your soul. It will leave you with mental health issues if you let it carry on. It's like marital rape in that it depersonalises you. I am worried about you now. You need to be out of that situation.

midlifecrash · 13/02/2022 10:30

It sounds like he’s punishing you because he resents your maternity leave and you are vulnerable.

It might be over.

SmellinOfTroy · 13/02/2022 11:00

No idea why you are putting up with this shit. Raise your bar, demand better.

Show your dd that it's not normal. How old are you? You sound young, and you have a lifetime in front of you, do you want to be happy?

And you definitely need to go back to work

Original poster
Rosesfriends · 13/02/2022 11:55

We just discussed he thinks looking after our child isn't work. It's still a full time job isn't it or am I being stupid. I'm 34

OP posts:
SmellinOfTroy · 13/02/2022 12:34

Ok - if he doesnt think its a real job, leave dc with him for the day while you go out.

But seriously, he doesnt sound like a nice person, do you deserve a nice person, do you deserve someone who loves you and treats you well? do you deserve someone who will pull their weight, who will make you a cup of tea when you're feeling low and tired, do you deserve someone who will run you a bath when your day has been that bit too long?

Yes you do, now go an get out from the shadow of this arsehole, and find the person you deserve

Original poster
Rosesfriends · 13/02/2022 14:15

The sex part is effecting me. He used to be intimate with me now there's nothing. I know I shouldn't want sex after the way he's treating me but a woman has needs. Tmi I know

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