Page 2 | Pissed off

Rosesfriends · 2022-02-12T21:56:58+00:00

I need advice. My partner constantly tells me to shush whenever I make a conversation. Especially when he's trying to watch something. I'm also on maternity leave and we just had an argument. Since our baby has been born he has never kissed me even during sex and just now we had an argument because he plays video games as soon as he finishes work and km getting pissed off and he said I don't do any work as I'm on maternity. I was soo pissed off. I'm off work but I don't stop during the day from looking after our baby washing cleaning and as soon as he finishes work he plays games. He finished work at 5 last night and played games until 11 pm. Then this morning me and baby stayed in bed until 10 and he was downstairs playing games. So pissed off!

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 13/02/2022 14:44

Next week don't do anything other than look after your baby, don't cook, don't clean, don't tidy, don't do any laundry, don't beg for his attention. Next weekend go out for the day and leave him with the baby.
Then he'll realise what you do, and then leave him anyway he sounds awful.

billy1966 · 13/02/2022 15:19

He is showing you his real self.

This is who he is.

Unless you want a really miserable future for you and your child, I suggest you start making plans.

The reason he is treating you with disrespect, is because he thinks he can.

The reason he isn't kind to you, is because he isn't kind.

Start detaching from him if you want to protect yourself.

This is who he is.

A dud.

Gave you family or friends to support you?

If you do ask for it.

Get back to work asap, and get your finances sorted.

This is only going to get worse.

Be prepared.

VladmirsPoutine · 13/02/2022 15:26

Is he remarkably different since baby came along? As in did he used to game for hours after work prebaby and sush you before then too when he was watching something? What was he like during your pregnancy?

TimeForTeaAndG · 13/02/2022 16:34

Don't get drawn into an argument on the semantics of whether or not looking after the baby is/isn't work. It's just a distraction so you stop focussing on the real problem which is him being an arsehole.

girlmom21 · 13/02/2022 16:38

He doesn't think looking after the baby is work because he's never done it.

Tell him how you feel aside from the childcare/work nonsense because, although he's a lazy fuck, that's not actually what's upsetting you.
Tell him you feel used - like he just wants sex and not a relationship etc.

If you want time to yourself, tell him you're doing X on Saturday so he can look after baby. If it's not real work he can't complain he's been at work all week, can he.

Cheeseonpost · 13/02/2022 16:41

I find it very hard to believe he was a saint before you had your baby.

The shushing I am not going to take into account for whether you’re unreasonable as tbh if you were speaking over something I was watching I’d shush you too, it’s rude to talk when someone else is listening to something, but that’s not the biggest issue here imo

He is treating you like shit, I have never used this before and seriously eye role most of those who do but honestly - LTB

Cheeseonpost · 13/02/2022 16:42

@girlmom21

He doesn't think looking after the baby is work because he's never done it.

Tell him how you feel aside from the childcare/work nonsense because, although he's a lazy fuck, that's not actually what's upsetting you.
Tell him you feel used - like he just wants sex and not a relationship etc.

If you want time to yourself, tell him you're doing X on Saturday so he can look after baby. If it's not real work he can't complain he's been at work all week, can he.

I don’t get this, I’ve never operated on someone but don’t think surgeons do an easy job.

He doesn’t think looking after the baby is work because he is an asshole from the sounds of things.

girlmom21 · 13/02/2022 16:47

@Cheeseonpost I thought looking after a baby would be easier than it was. Lots of jobs look easier than they actually are because the people you see doing them are generally pretty competent.

Knockoneofftheshelftowin · 13/02/2022 16:54

I think it's a thing that some men don't see their partner/wife the same after she's given birth. It seems like your partner is like this. It doesn't excuse his awful behaviour towards you though.

Original poster

Rosesfriends · 13/02/2022 16:57

Me and the baby are upstairs playing as he doesn't want the baby playing with noisy objects while he watches his TV programme. He never used to shush me before the baby was born. I get if someone is watching not to talk but I only asked if he wanted something to eat then he shush me. He's so hurtful. He works all week but he'd rather watch a TV show than play with his baby

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 13/02/2022 16:59

@Rosesfriends

Me and the baby are upstairs playing as he doesn't want the baby playing with noisy objects while he watches his TV programme. He never used to shush me before the baby was born. I get if someone is watching not to talk but I only asked if he wanted something to eat then he shush me. He's so hurtful. He works all week but he'd rather watch a TV show than play with his baby

Go downstairs. He's not more important than the rest of the family. Tell him to interact with his child.

VelvetChairGirl · 13/02/2022 17:01

Sounds like he will be out the door and gone soon tbh

AnnaK163 · 13/02/2022 17:14

He sounds like he has no interest in you or the baby. Playing computer games - what on earth? He is being very cruel to you. If the house is rented in your name I would ask him to leave. If in his name I would leave. He isn't even your husband. You owe him absolutely nothing. I feel a bit worried for you if I'm honest. I hope you have family or pals who can help you out of this situation.

Original poster

Rosesfriends · 13/02/2022 17:14

He definitely sees me differently since I gave birth. When I talk about being in a labour all he says there's nothing to do. Anyone can do it its simple.

OP posts:

SmellinOfTroy · 13/02/2022 17:15

@Rosesfriends

Me and the baby are upstairs playing as he doesn't want the baby playing with noisy objects while he watches his TV programme. He never used to shush me before the baby was born. I get if someone is watching not to talk but I only asked if he wanted something to eat then he shush me. He's so hurtful. He works all week but he'd rather watch a TV show than play with his baby

OK, you know what the problem is, he is an arsehole

What are you going to do now??

Original poster

Rosesfriends · 13/02/2022 17:23

I lost my mum a few years ago. I don't really have many friends. My dad's not in the best of health. I just feel rather alone. My baby is my world.

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VelvetChairGirl · 13/02/2022 17:25

Some men have a problem with women being the object of desire and then being mothers, the two are not connectable in their minds and they can not deal with the dynamics of being a father and loving a mother.

they dis-attach compartmentalize and leave to do the whole thing all over again.

sound like thats exactly what he is doing, he is a man child who can not love a mother or deal with being a father.

Giraffesandbottoms · 13/02/2022 17:25

I feel like you posted about this before the baby came and everyone said you should leave then!

Giraffesandbottoms · 13/02/2022 17:26

Btw if someone is a lazy dick and you don’t trust them, it’s not as simple as “leave the baby with them”. I wouldn’t leave my baby with this man, father or not! Your baby will be left crying in a shitty nappy with the door closed whilst he plays computer games.

VelvetChairGirl · 13/02/2022 17:28

Theres really nothing to worry about let him go, we thankfully live in a country where you can get benefits to keep a roof overhead and food on the table and you will have no trouble doing that, the job centre have heard it all before a million times its very common.

Original poster

Rosesfriends · 13/02/2022 17:32

I haven't wrote on here before. Guess there's another woman in my position.

OP posts:

Giraffesandbottoms · 13/02/2022 17:35

@Rosesfriends

Ok, there do seem to be a number of women on here who date man children with computer game addictions (I’ve done this too in the past, no judgement).

He’s not going to change. It’s not going to be possible to coparent safely and effectively with him. You need to leave. As I said above, do not trust your daughter to his care.

dondon23 · 13/02/2022 17:40

Wow, who are the 7% that think this is reasonable!!

He sounds like a right freaking cockwomble. Sorry he's putting you through this @Rosesfriends but you're either going to have to start calling him out or it will only get worse.

Good luck xx

RedHelenB · 13/02/2022 17:59

@Rosesfriends

The sex part is effecting me. He used to be intimate with me now there's nothing. I know I shouldn't want sex after the way he's treating me but a woman has needs. Tmi I know

You're concentrating on the sex. You need to be concentrating on your relationship and the fact he appears to have zero respect for you either as his partner or the mother of his child.

billy1966 · 13/02/2022 18:19

OP,

You are very vulnerable.
I feel so sorry for you.

Women's aid will be a good listening ear for you, with advice and support.

Please call them for some real life support.