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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stop 5-year-old Thumbsucking

40 replies

bowlingalleyblues · 12/02/2022 21:25

DD is 5, and a continual thumb sucker, whether falling asleep, overnight, during the day watching tv or playing she is continually sucking her thumb with her finger hooked over her nose for grip. The dentist told us there are signs that her upper gum is being pulled forward and I can see it a bit myself.

So far I’ve tried a device that makes it harder to bend the arm and keep the thumb in, a cuddly toy as an alternative comforter, a star chart for wearing the device, but it’s had no real impact - she likes the toy and now has that PLUS thumb at bedtime. The arm device kind of works, but I need to cable tie it on or she just removes it. The sucking seems more frequent than ever. The only thing that worked was the yucky nail varnish. It stopped her sucking, but she became quite distressed at night because she couldn’t get to sleep without her thumb and although I’m a fairly hardened parent it upset me to see her in that state.

Her baby teeth will start to fall out in the next year and I am worried that I’m harming her teeth unless I force her to stop now so I’m thinking of doing the nail varnish again but just seeing it through to the bitter (no pun intended) end, although she is incredibly strong willed. BUT I’m also worried that I’m harming her emotionally if she is restricted from something that comforts and soothes her and helps her sleep. My DS had a dummy which faded out quite easily so this is new territory. I just don’t know what to do for the best.

YANBU it’s your duty as a parent to do all you can to stop her Thumbsucking and ruining her teeth.

YABU leave the poor girl alone, you’re doing more harm than good to interfere.

OP posts:
OfstedOffred · 12/02/2022 21:28

Have you tried talking to her gently and telling her she won't need to do it any more when she is a bit bigger, and essentially put her in control? This is what my sibling did. Kids were told well in advance that they wouldnt need to do it once they were 5 and they did basically just stop.

Also OP I was a thumbsucker and I distinctly remember that the pressure of being told to stop aged 5/6 almost made me a bit determined to continue.

TooTiredForAdventure · 12/02/2022 21:34

I was a thumbsucker. The more people tried to stop me, the more I continued- much longer than I would have done (I did it on purpose to annoy them).

Dd sucked her thumb, I ignored it and she stopped naturally. Her teeth are perfect.

pinkstripeycat · 12/02/2022 21:38

I’m almost 50 and when I’m tired (at home) still sometimes suck my thumb. My teeth have always been straight. As a child I didn’t get on with the disgusting nail varnish as they taste stays in your mouth all the time

Chippednails · 12/02/2022 21:45

I sucked my thumb until 11 despite all my mums efforts to stop me. I stopped when I became embarrassed. So with my thumb sucker I left him to it - as he got older we stopped him in the day but as he got to ten wanted to stop himself which he managed with some help from stop n grow. I figured most kids need braces anyway!

Divebar2021 · 12/02/2022 21:49

God that sounds harsh… you’re not seriously using a cable tie on your DDs arm to keep some device on that prevents her bending her arm? That sounds vile. She’s just 5…. I know it’s tough as I have a thumb sucker a lot older than that ( we are resigned to the braces by now). The only thing that’s come close is tape or plaster on the thumb at night and limiting access in the daytime to teddy ( who is a trigger ) but I wouldn’t be doing anything more physical than that.

WouldIBeATwat · 12/02/2022 21:50

Managed to get DD to stop at about 7 following a gentle talking to by the dentist and some thumbsies. (Fabric thumb covers.). Took a few weeks with them.

Lovinglifeand · 12/02/2022 21:50

I sucked my thumb constantly as a baby/toddler/child/. I only stopped sucking my thumb at night when I started sharing a bed with my boyfriend. Sucking my thumb was a huge comfort to me and I would have found it very traumatic to be made to stop. My teeth are perfectly straight.

I would leave her be. Don't feel that you are being neglectful by letting her suck her thumb, instead feel that you are letting her be herself taking comfort when she needs it. If she ends up needing braces then she'll just be the same as half her class wearing them anyway. I wouldn't worry.

IzzyD0ra · 12/02/2022 21:51

The arm device kind of works, but I need to cable tie it on or she just removes it

Wtf

MartinMartinMarti · 12/02/2022 21:58

I’m assuming the cable ties thing is a joke?

Anyhoo, all the thumb suckers I know have weaned themselves off it, except for perhaps when very tired.

Like PP says, odds are she’ll have braces anyway so I can’t see it hugely mattering.

Poppyhopscotch · 12/02/2022 22:04

I sucked my thumb until I was 10 and then used the horrible nail varnish stuff to stop me as I didn't want to go to secondary school and get teased. My mum did try to get me to stop before that but I never wanted to. When I was ready to I did. I needed braces but then so did loads of other kids that didn't suck their thumb and finger. My youngest is a thumb sucker and I'm pretty sure I will just let him carry on until he's ready to stop.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 12/02/2022 22:07

I still thumb suck as an adult Blush I've tried everything to stop, my parents tried everything too but I'm still doing it. I honestly can't help it.

And for those saying braces will sort it out, she won't be allowed braces if she's still thumb sucking as it's pointless

Lazypuppy · 12/02/2022 22:14

Imo YABU to have it allowed to go on to 5yo and that it is affecting her teeth. Nail varnish and try to reace with a different comforter.

This is the main reason we introduced a dummy as a baby to stop any thumb sucking

Flutterby8 · 12/02/2022 22:14

I didnt have a dummy as a child and was encouraged to suck my thumb.
After numerous attempts from my mum to get me to stop, she gave up and accepted the fact I would stop when I was good and ready.
I never did it when at nursery or school, just at home when I was tired or needed comfort.
Im now in my late 30's. Im happily married with a new baby.
I still suck my thumb when i am tired out of bad habit.
I have never worn braces and my teeth are perfect.
DH never had a dummy either and ended up sucking his fingers. His teeth are awful. He wasnt given braces (parents choice) and consequently has lived with a lower jaw full of wonky teeth. The only way it can be fixed is to have a few removed and then braces for a few years.

Every child develops differently. Some will have wonky teeth, some wont.
If it is a comfort to her I dont see the problem. Gently tell her that she is old enough to not need to do it and find something else she can have as a comfort but I personally wouldnt push the issue.
My baby has recently discovered het hands and has on occasion got her thumb in her mouth. I wont be stopping her if it allows her to self soothe.

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2022 22:18

I was thumb sucker until 20s. I wished they had tried to stop me as it wrecked my teeth

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2022 22:21

Because I was a thumb sucker I deliberately gave all mine dummies. My top gum was pulled forwarded. Needed years of fixed braces, retainers and now in my 40s because I stopped using retainers my teeth moved back. My bottoms ones have chipped at they were pushed back and edges exposed.

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2022 22:24

You could put fabric cover on thumb and switch up bedtime, perhaps audio book for her to listen to or one of those lights on the ceiling.

WouldIBeATwat · 12/02/2022 23:30

@Lazypuppy

Imo YABU to have it allowed to go on to 5yo and that it is affecting her teeth. Nail varnish and try to reace with a different comforter.

This is the main reason we introduced a dummy as a baby to stop any thumb sucking

🏅 for you.

Not all babies will take a dummy. And dummies fall out/get lost whereas thumbs are always with them.

WouldIBeATwat · 12/02/2022 23:32

Mine was sucking her thumb in the womb. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ericaequites · 13/02/2022 05:45

My sister gave up thumb sucking when she started smoking cigarettes.

ChrissyPlummer · 13/02/2022 06:31

The only thing that worked for me was seeing the brace contraption that my mum’s friend’ daughter had to wear overnight. It was like something from a horror film!

Rainallnight · 13/02/2022 06:36

What the heck is the device?? It sounds like something from the 30s

Rainallnight · 13/02/2022 06:38

Is this it?? www.braceability.com/products/thumb-sucking-guard

Original poster
bowlingalleyblues · 13/02/2022 06:43

Thanks for all the replies thumbsuckers and parents of thumb suckers!

Yes the device (looks a bit like a knee brace, but goes on the elbow) has holes on it like a belt and comes with little cable ties you put through the holes to stop it being removed. DD can still eat, play write etc but not get full bend to get the thumb fully into her mouth.

She’s had the gentle talk from the dentist, seen pictures of buck teeth and heard about the braces. Then we gave her the choice to stop. She said she wanted to stop so I bought the device and she wore it willingly but then I realised she was taking it off all the time. She says she can’t help it, her brain tells her to do it.

I think she will need braces anyway, but they are uncomfortable and expensive and so was thinking a bit of discomfort now (when we can sit with her at bedtime and comfort her etc) might be better in the long run.

OP posts:
Bringonsummer19 · 13/02/2022 06:46

Ahhh OP it’s hard, i stopped when the dentist had a word with me and my mum. My mum then tied my hand in bandages so I couldn’t. It worked and I stopped. I do think it was because I had been talked through the consequences of not stopping.

There must be cartoons/childrens books on this? Might help her understand

AuntieMarys · 13/02/2022 06:48

Our dentist gave ds 6 a very serious talk and showed him pictures of children with buck teeth. It worked. He never did it again.
Braces are NOT inevitable for children. Why assume they are?

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