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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To like dressing up

32 replies

Wendysdoll · 12/02/2022 15:03

Reading the Valentines thread, I was wondering why so many women seem to be set against wearing nice lingerie?

A lot of women commenting that it would be their idea of hell.

I actually like having nice lingerie to wear and would be chuffed if I got some as a present.

A lot of women suggesting they don’t like the idea of dressing to please someone else etc but provided you’re in a balanced relationship were your partner does things for you, then why would you not do that in return for them?

Or even for yourself to feel good? Sometimes wearing nice underwear just makes me feel better about myself

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 12/02/2022 15:04

So what? People like different things. Not that hard to understand.

NuffSaidSam · 12/02/2022 15:05

People are different.

If you're old enough to be wearing nice lingerie i.e. an adult, you should really know that by now!

The fact that other people feel differently to you shouldn't really be such a surprise.

ldontWanna · 12/02/2022 15:08

YANBU to like it.

YABVU to frame your preference in such a way that it makes women who don't like it seem lacking somehow or that there's something wrong with their relationship/sexual life.

There are thousands of sexual things and kinks that some people like,some don't,some are on the fence and some find completely abhorrent.

feelsobadfeltsogood · 12/02/2022 15:08

We're well past that I have to say!!! I'd faint if he bought me anything like that!!!

Chestofdraws · 12/02/2022 15:10

Um some like some don’t, this is an odd question.

crosbystillsandmash · 12/02/2022 15:10

So disappointing to open the thread and see it's about underwear!
Was looking forward to a good chat about getting dressed up to go to work, the supermarket etc
Love putting a great outfit together for no other reason than wanting to look good but couldn't give a toss about my undies!!

foxlover47 · 12/02/2022 15:21

Can you post the link to the valentines thread .. I wanna read this

foxlover47 · 12/02/2022 15:21

Please :)

RealBecca · 12/02/2022 15:23

Giving my husband a boner doesnt make me feel good about myself.

I'm sexiest naked because its intimate and I get off on the sex rather than "looking sexy".

RealBecca · 12/02/2022 15:25

And undies as a present are a present to himself. I'd rather he bought a playstation so we could skip the facade.

CupOfNiceTea · 12/02/2022 15:28

Of course you can like wearing lingerie.

But it’s much more usefull to let know that women don’t have to like or wear it.
It’s good to break expectations.

YABU if you make women who don’t wear lingerie feel less than.

Nancydrawn · 12/02/2022 15:41

Frankly, even in straight relationships, not everyone's partner likes lacy lingerie. And it's certainly not the epitome of 'doing things' for each other in most sexual relationships.

People like doing different things. People find different things titillating. Enormously uncomplicated.

cuno · 12/02/2022 15:58

I don't shave, wear bras or wear makeup, and I mostly wear clothes from the men's section. I suspect I don't appeal to the kind of man that would gift lingerie for Valentine's Day. Which is a good thing for me.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 12/02/2022 16:10

provided you’re in a balanced relationship were your partner does things for you, then why would you not do that in return for them?

Because women’s bodies are not a prize to be earned - just because someone has taken out the bins/done the hoovering/picked up the shopping doesn’t mean they can sit back and say “Right, now I’ve earned my brownie points and I’m going to cash them in”. If women like wearing nice underwear, good for them. Wear what you like. But if they’re only wearing it out of a sense of obligation then that’s not OK.

Aside from that, most “valentine’s” lingerie tends to be aimed at what men fantasise about rather than what women would choose for themselves.

Sux2Buthen · 12/02/2022 16:18

I don't think it's an odd question. There's been a lot of posts on threads recently slating lingerie as though it's purely for men to like. I like it for myself

gogohm · 12/02/2022 16:18

I have some semi decent stuff but I prefer comfort! Dp fortunately doesn't care about lingerie. He prefers no clothes Grin

schoolsoutforever · 12/02/2022 16:57

‘So disappointing to open the thread and see it's about underwear!
Was looking forward to a good chat about getting dressed up to go to work, the supermarket etc
Love putting a great outfit together for no other reason than wanting to look good but couldn't give a toss about my undies!!’

Exactly this!

AmberLynn1536 · 12/02/2022 17:02

@crosbystillsandmash

So disappointing to open the thread and see it's about underwear! Was looking forward to a good chat about getting dressed up to go to work, the supermarket etc Love putting a great outfit together for no other reason than wanting to look good but couldn't give a toss about my undies!!
Yes I was hoping this thread was about that too! What a disappointment it’s about frilly pants.
SickAndTiredAgain · 12/02/2022 17:07

A lot of women suggesting they don’t like the idea of dressing to please someone else etc but provided you’re in a balanced relationship were your partner does things for you, then why would you not do that in return for them?

That’s different to it being bought as a gift for you though. Because that’s a gift that says “I know you like to please me, so here is a gift to help you do that” which isn’t a very good gift in my opinion.

I like wearing lingerie but wouldn’t want it as a gift that had been bought clearly for the purpose of him liking it, even if I might buy it myself with that in mind.

Flowersandbread · 12/02/2022 17:38

I like wearing sexy lingerie as I like to distract from my wobbly tummy. Couldn't trust my dh to buy "nice" bits though, it would probably be leather or more S&M then I'd like

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 12/02/2022 17:43

With the greatest of respect OP, so what???

You like wearing 'sexy' underwear. Good for you.

Why on earth are you arsed whether other women don't?

5128gap · 12/02/2022 17:56

@crosbystillsandmash

So disappointing to open the thread and see it's about underwear! Was looking forward to a good chat about getting dressed up to go to work, the supermarket etc Love putting a great outfit together for no other reason than wanting to look good but couldn't give a toss about my undies!!
Same here, in every regard!
Moonface123 · 12/02/2022 17:59

I' m with you OP, l love buying and wearing beautiful feminine lingerie.

Nietzschethehiker · 12/02/2022 18:19

I agree with many pp. For some people that's not what makes them feel good, it's other things.

I really like lingerie but find myself remarkably irritated at the faux head tilt insinuation that other people not liking it means they don't like to feel special.

I like make up and doing my hair and lingerie but I can assure you I am able to feel just as special without it. Its not a moral failing to not like it, neither is it (as I have seen on mumsnet many times) pandering to the patriarchy.

I wear what I want , when I want and how I want as I would support others to do the same.

DontWiltMySpinachPlease · 12/02/2022 18:23

"provided you’re in a balanced relationship were your partner does things for you, then why would you not do that in return for them?"

I do, but lingerie that goes up my arse isn't one of them. No need to assume all balanced relationships require a subscription to Ann Summers!