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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Prefer to sleep on my own

29 replies

crispytowel · 12/02/2022 00:06

Curious as friend was shocked that after 12 years of marriage and two kids I feel excited/happy when I realise hubby has fallen asleep on sofa and I might get to sleep on my own in double bed. Aibu to feel happy that I can enjoy the whole king size without anyone snoring/farting next to me?

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 12/02/2022 00:10

Not abnormal lol, I used to feel like that when I lived with my ex/DS's father. And now having had a bed mostly(when DS doesn't pop up in the night) to myself I love it. But it would be nice to have someone there from time to time ha ha.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 12/02/2022 00:12

YANBU, I would love a night alone in my bed occasionally.

Sunsetsupernova · 12/02/2022 00:17

DP gets up for work at 6 and I don’t need to be up until 8. The second his alarm goes off I am itching for him to get out of bed so I can have it all to myself. I do like a spoon while I’m falling asleep thought, I’m not sure I’d want all night every night to myself

Smallkeys · 12/02/2022 00:17

No idea why we cram ourselves into the same bed especially the snoring! We can sleep in different room if we couldn’t it would be single beds ... I might be a weirdo

Chely · 12/02/2022 00:20

My dh works away, I get the bed to myself a lot. I know a few couples who have separate bedrooms.

MollyBloomYes · 12/02/2022 00:21

I have been divorced for six years and still revel in the fact that I get the bed all to myself. If I ever were in a situation where I were to be living with someone romantically again I would really really struggle, in fact it might be a deal killer if we couldn't get a spare bedroom.

I've always hated sleeping with other people. Much rather dtd, have a little cuddle then each go separate ways for sleeping. The only exception I make for liking sleeping with another person was my baby and now he's 6 even that's pushing it a bit so he gets to as an occasional treat (for him!) at the weekend sometimes!

StarryNightSparkles · 12/02/2022 00:33

Dh and I have our own bedrooms due to his snoring. I love getting into my own bed every night but unfortunately some nights don't get much sleep, as my dog takes up the whole bed and I spend the night with no covers and hanging out the bed. He's cute so I let him away with it.

HardStareBear · 12/02/2022 00:48

I've been married for 21 years. For 17 of those we've had separate bedrooms. We sometimes start the night in the same bed but almost always end up in separate bedrooms. We're more intimate now than we were in the years when we had children and we both sleep better alone. Works for us.

ErrolTheDragon · 12/02/2022 00:56

@HardStareBear

I've been married for 21 years. For 17 of those we've had separate bedrooms. We sometimes start the night in the same bed but almost always end up in separate bedrooms. We're more intimate now than we were in the years when we had children and we both sleep better alone. Works for us.
Similar, but married 35 years, separate bedrooms for about 20. We have different sleeping habits and one or both of us sometimes snore.
anotherheadache · 12/02/2022 01:00

DH and I rarely sleep in the same bed. I struggle to sleep especially when he's snoring or breathing next to me! Doesn't mean I love him any less, I just sleep better on my own!

FunnyGoingsOn · 12/02/2022 01:43

One of my adult kids and his long term partner have separate bedrooms. They have jobs that require some shift work and being on call but I get the impression they would have separate bedrooms anyway. They've been together years and seem to have a great relationship. I think it's a great idea and I wish I had done it with my husband.

Wrinklefree · 12/02/2022 03:41

We’ve been married for 15 years and for the past 12 years sleep in separate beds in the same room. I know someone who sleeps in separate rooms to his partner as they both snore.

PurBal · 12/02/2022 03:54

Growing up I had a friend whose parents had separate rooms which I thought was weird until I got married 😂

Eileen101 · 12/02/2022 04:15

Yanbu I secretly enjoy DH being on nights Blush bed to myself, no farting, no having to get the covers back etc

WildPoinsettia · 12/02/2022 04:24

YANBU. Mine doesn't have these antisocial habits. If he did, he'd be in a separate room not just a separate bed. I had this rubbish with an ex and vowed never to have it again. I want to wake to my bedroom smell of rainy air from outside and freshly dried bedding from the weekend, not a fug of methane and halitosis. I want to wake up and smile and maybe hit the snooze button. Not wake up and wrinkle my nose and be instantly driven out of bed by the stench of fetid air. Antisocial bedroom habits are a deal breaker for me now. Separate rooms is fine though it wouldn't bother me even if long term

Marchingredsoldiers · 12/02/2022 04:37

In scandinvia having seperate duvets is really common. Which is a step towards seperate sleeping.

mjf981 · 12/02/2022 06:02

My DP and I sleep in separate rooms (started doing this 4 yrs in to a 8 yr relaationship). Started due to him snoring and me not sleeping well...but now I wouldn't have it any other way. I will never not have my own bedroom again. We have no issues with intimacy and much prefer this setup.

PaperMonster · 12/02/2022 07:37

I currently share with my daughter, but when she’s got to the point where she wants her own bed back I really don’t want to have to share with OH. I might have to get a sofa bed and sleep downstairs.

GeneLovesJezebel · 12/02/2022 07:38

We have separate rooms, it’s bliss.
I don’t know why I put up with his snoring for so long.

AuntyJanet · 12/02/2022 07:39

Not weird at all, we often sleep separately if one of us needs to get a full night of uninterrupted sleep.

Original poster
crispytowel · 12/02/2022 19:35

Thanks everyone. It all came up when my friend spoke of "having missed" her husband when having to sleep separately due to Co sleeping with newborn and how hard they both found it. I was like..: seriously?!? And she could not believe I quite enjoy it...

OP posts:
DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 12/02/2022 19:44

We sleep separately. Been together 20 years and we just sleep better separately. No intimacy issues.

Dh works shifts so it works for us.

Also I am peri at the moment and have to swap pillows, turn over duvet etc a couple of times a night due to night sweats, so it's a blessing for dh too.

If people have the space, I don't understand why they would prefer to be kept awake by a snoring partner than just get in a spare bed and have an undisturbed nights sleep.

I think it's only because of an old tradition that couples feel they must share a bed every single night, regardless of if it is uncomfortable for either or both of them.

IncompleteSenten · 12/02/2022 19:45

I've got my own bedroom
I really don't think I could go back to sharing a room with my husband, let alone a bed.

He likes total darkness, I like a bit of light.
I like a window open, he would wall himself in if he could.
He needs total silence, I like to fall asleep to an audio book.
He wants two quilts, I start off with a sheet and wake up with nothing.
I'm a wriggler. He gets disturbed to half woken easily.

And when I say wriggler - when we were first together we'd wake up in the morning and somehow, god knows how, he'd be looking at my feet. I can only think I would sleep walk out of bed and get back in the wrong way round.

If we had to share a bed one of us would have snapped by now.

ChikaCherryCola · 12/02/2022 19:45

I would like separate rooms but my husband acts really wounded whenever I mention it. Some evenings I fancy going up early with a cup of tea to watch something on my phone but as soon as I say "I'm going up now" he says "yep, I'm coming too" and my heart sinks. I just want space!

Lightning020 · 12/02/2022 19:49

It has been studied and proven that people sleep better on their own. Nothing wrong with it. I dont miss sharing a bed whatsoever.