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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To rehome one of my cat?

27 replies

Greenbluestar · 11/02/2022 21:05

My heart is broken. My cats hate each other. They used to get on fine then the third one passed away and they couldn’t stand each other. I tried separating them and introducing them slowly. Fail. I’ve tried supplements, essential oils, feliway friends, special calming collars but I am at my wits end. I have accepted that they need to be kept separate because if they encounter each other it is world war 3. Blood, piss, fur, etc. I’ve lived in a divided house for over a year. But one of them is becoming wise to slipping through and I can’t take no more. I am walking on egg shells because of it, I don’t feel like the cats are happy and it’s all pretty miserable. I am trying to navigate this situation with a soon to be one year old and I am dreading when she becomes old enough to open doors. How will I explain that? Feel like rehoming one of them is my only option. Am I selfish?

OP posts:

AwkwardPaws27 · 11/02/2022 21:08

They sound terribly unhappy. Rehoming one sounds like the right thing to do if the cats are both that unhappy.

Bopahula · 11/02/2022 21:14

Absolutely not selfish in this case at all. You've tried and living like that doesn't help anyone.

I'd try and rehome if possible.

Babdoc · 11/02/2022 21:18

Cats are not really social animals anyway, OP. It can be very stressful for them to share a house, as they are fiercely territorial.
It will make both cats much happier to have a separate house each once you have rehomed one of them. Go for it.

Muminabun · 11/02/2022 21:47

It happens and it can be quite dangerous op. I don’t want to alarm you but cats can seriously hurt each other. I think it is safer if you look to rehome ASAP.

Original poster

Greenbluestar · 12/02/2022 08:31

Any ideas on how to rehome?

OP posts:

AllOfUsAreDead · 12/02/2022 08:33

Aw that sucks, but it does sound like they need rehomed.

You could try asking on fb? I see others doing that sometimes. I'd use rspca or others as a last resort to be honest. They can end up in there for months if older.

user468375484 · 12/02/2022 08:35

Assuming you don't have a friend / family member with a soft spot for one of your cats, then Cats Protection?

When it comes to choosing which one to re-home, I would tend towards picking the most rehomable one - without long term medical needs, behavioural problems, and the younger of the two.

AwkwardPaws27 · 12/02/2022 09:50

@Greenbluestar

Any ideas on how to rehome?

Definitely go via a rescue - don't try to give away / sell online. Rescues do home checks, & then offer back up for life - this means that if the home doesn't work out for any reason, the rescue will look after the cat and find a suitable home. If you have a specific breed, there is usually a breed rescue who would be your best option. Otherwise, there are large rescues like RSPCA, Battersea, Wood Green, Celia Hammond etc, but there will also be small local rescues.

There's a big list on this site - www.catchat.org/index.php/cat-rescue-centres-uk-ireland

PollyGray · 12/02/2022 10:00

I had this situation too, @Greenbluestar

I rehomed the more aggressive of my two as by that time the one who was being bullied wasn't eating as she was traumatised.

I started with local Cats Protection and another cat rehoming charity but in the meantime my DD found someone she works with whose adult DS and partner wanted one of the breed I was rehoming and DCat is now the master of his own domain. I met the entire family first, they came to my house and met DCat.

I get pictures of him every now and then - they love him and I'm so reassured that it was the right decision.
DCat 2 is also much happier.

So I'd do it, OP, and make sure that you pass on any relevant info about the DCat you're rehoming such as favourite toys, foods, habits etc and their chip details, Vaccine records etc.
I felt awful at the time, cried for a few days. But it was the right thing to do.

Onionbhajisandwich · 12/02/2022 10:06

Yanbu to rehome in the circumstances. It sounds miserable. I would definitely contact your local rescue centres - they probably have a waiting list but you will be sure that your cat has gone to a suitable home. Please don’t advertise on Facebook - you never know where they will end up.

Original poster

Greenbluestar · 19/02/2022 20:48

I have an update. I contacted a rescue on Facebook and they have a home lined up for one of my cats. They are doing a home check next week. I can’t help but feel really sad but I know it’s for the best.

OP posts:

Darbs76 · 19/02/2022 20:49

Of course you’re not selfish. You have tried everything and more. I think rehoming one is the best solution for you all sadly

HTH1 · 19/02/2022 21:07

Are they both neutered? That might help but, if it comes to re-homing, you must use a proper rescue centre.

Crunchymum · 19/02/2022 21:14

Out of interest (and without judgement) how did you decide which one to rehome?

Original poster

Greenbluestar · 19/02/2022 21:43

@HTH1 Both neutered. It’s a rescue

@Crunchymum
I am rehoming the aggressor because the other cat was here first and is older. And the other cat is black and statistically they are harder to rehome (no idea why as I adore black cats).

OP posts:

TheNoodlesIncident · 19/02/2022 22:03

I had to do exactly this, I had a mum and her kitten. When kitten grew up mum was determined to drive her out to find her own territory. Both started to suffer with their health through the stress. It's the kindest thing you could do for them.

I got in touch with a local cat sanctuary. They couldn't take my cat in but they advertised her on their site and vetted prospective new owners on my behalf. They arranged a meeting between us so the new owner could come and meet my cat and then they collected her from me to take to her new home.

I cried buckets (I've got something in my eye now) and felt terrible about it, but it had to be done in both the cats' best interests, how I felt about it wasn't really relevant in the long term. I am a member of the cat rescue place and send them a cheque every year. I still miss "my" cat so much, she was lovely and deserved a nice home where she could be an only cat.

You will probably feel bad about it but always bear in mind that being stressed is very bad for them, you are doing the right thing.

Musicalmaestro · 19/02/2022 22:11

I am in this position too OP. It's so difficult trying to manage it.

SapphireEyes88 · 19/02/2022 22:57

I had a similar situation, lovely tortie girl who got really unpredictable and aggressive due to combination of new kitten and me returning to work. I rehome her as I could trust her with the dc, she never hurt them but would randomly turn on adults.
Cats Protection had her about 3 months before she was rehome and they sent me an email from the new family, with photos and telling me how happy she was. It broke my heart but was honestly the best thing for her. Keep that thought with you when it gets tough 💐

ChampagneLassie · 19/02/2022 23:20

Rehomimg is absolutely the right thing to do, I got two siblings as kittens as they got older they became increasingly agrees ive to one another. I split with my ex, he still has them both but they have to be seperated it doesn't really sound happy for anyone.

TricolourCat · 19/02/2022 23:23

Sounds like you have already decided you want to lose one. Why not try a cat behaviouralist first for advice. I have only one cat and adore her I wouldn’t have another one as she would hate it unless a sibling.

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 23:25

This is no life for any of you.

Don't feel bad. Look into rehoming one. (Maybe the second one you got, but it's your call.)

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 23:26

@SapphireEyes88

I had a similar situation, lovely tortie girl who got really unpredictable and aggressive due to combination of new kitten and me returning to work. I rehome her as I could trust her with the dc, she never hurt them but would randomly turn on adults. Cats Protection had her about 3 months before she was rehome and they sent me an email from the new family, with photos and telling me how happy she was. It broke my heart but was honestly the best thing for her. Keep that thought with you when it gets tough 💐

That's lovely that she was happy after all! And don't feel heartbroken. You did the right thing.

Mumdiva99 · 19/02/2022 23:28

Good luck with the rehoming. I hope both are happier. It's a tough decision but you have to look out for the cats.

purdypuma · 21/02/2022 12:07

I'm In a similar position with my 2 but not quite as bad. My 2.5 yr old female hates my male 2 Yr old male from the moment I got him & has never liked having him here. She has always been highly strung from being a kitten & I honestly think she prefers having me to herself.
Unfortunately the male now is very aggressive towards her & at times they only need to pass each other for it develop into a fight. He uses blocking & eg she's reluctant to go downstairs if he's laid at the bottom. I've tried the feliway friends plug ins & can have a couple of days peace but then it's back to square one.
I have approached my parents regarding my male living with them & they've conservatively said yes but at the moment I'm trying to avoid it getting to that stage.

MrsVeryTired · 21/02/2022 12:09

You are doing the right thing OP
Some cats just aren't suited to sharing their space.

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