AIBU to hop off the career ladder at 43?

[LabraDabraDoo]

I’ve done well in my profession, have achieved a lot and my job enables me to have the sort of work/life/ money balance that most people would kill for.

But after 20 years of energetic pushing forward, I feel I’m done with the career ladder. My kids have only ever known me as a hardworking, run off my feet mum, striving for the next thing. Family life has always been centred around the demands of two working parents, even with great domestic help and no money worries. They are older now (10 and 13) but I feel in some ways (okay, mostly for transportation duties) they need me more than ever and I want to be physically and emotionally available to them, which my job doesn’t always allow. I want to be about in the evenings to help with homework and friendship worries, not with my back to them typing on my laptop, to get to school events, to bake a cake for when they get home from school, to have fresh meals at the end of the day, to get fitter, look after my own health and hang out with my dog. I want weekends walking in the woods with DH, not filled with endless chores we didn’t do in the week. I think I want all of these things more than a great career. It is probably worth mentioning my mum ( who had a remarkable, demanding career in social work, but not one that I remember as always a positive part of our family life) is now very unwell. I want to see her more, and her illness and thinking about my later childhood has made me reevaluate what I value and what my family needs. I can carry on consulting in my profession a couple of days a week for a very good income (60k- ish). We would have no money problems. DH doesn’t have this option at the moment, although I know he’s really struggling with how busy life is, and I feel this would help him too.

AIBU to have had enough of climbing the ladder at just 43? Is it unusual to start to want and value something else at this stage in life? Or maybe it’s just a burnout wobble, or me being a bit pathetic (and my mum will probably say a bad feminist)?

I can see where you are coming from and if I could work two days a week and make that kind of money I probably would.

I wouldn’t step out of the workforce completely though.

Honestly I feel burnt out at 32 with no kids. I love my job/career but if I could afford to I would deffo cut back. Do it!
Also, my mum was always around, to talk to about my day and ferry my to various activities and I appreciate that she gave up her career to do it.

@HaveringWavering

I think that financially it’s a no-brainer. However a lot depends on whether the money is really the reason that you work. For a lot of people it’s about status, external validation and self-worth, and I completely understand that. Do you manage people in your job, and enjoy that? Do you make “buck stops here” type decisions, or manage a large budget? Are you called in to sort things out when junior people are struggling? Do senior people sit up and listen to your project proposals, do junior people work hard for you because they respect you?

I have a colleague who stepped back into a part time, non-managerial role and it is so obvious that she can’t cope with the loss of status. She is always trying to create scenarios where she is “leading x”, “driving Y”, “head of Z”. Which might be fine in a standard “working your way up” type job, but her role simply does not require that and it just antagonises the people who are supposed to be doing the leading and managing.

I’m a few years older than you but my child is much younger. I do the same role as that colleague and, by and large, I am happy with its limitations because of the many benefits that it has (and I was v senior before so I get paid really well), but I do get a pang now and again when I see contemporaries on Linked In with shiny new leadership positions. It does pass though.

I did say no brainer but actually these are good questions to ask too

Definitely do it. I would in a heartbeat - but have the opposite problem, I really need to start earning more money but am already overworked and overstressed (two years younger than you with hardly any pension and a salary a tiny fraction of your 2-day-a-week one for full time hours). Life is so short - if you have the opportunity for more time with your kids, take it.

I've don't it the other way round to you. My mum got sick when she was young and I was young, with young children. I just resigned. Went from a £40k job to carers allowance. Over night. I'm now your age and climbing back up the greasy pole.

I loved my time at home. If you've never had that, I can't blame you for wanting it. Fwiw, I had 5 years out. I've been back 3 and I'm more or less back to where I was. But my pension has taken a dent and I'm paying off a shit ton of debt from 'earning' £60 a month as a carer, so my salary does not go as far.

But, I was with my mum when she died. I was present for the kids through the hardest time. And life happens.

Do what you've got to do.

You can work couple of days a week and earn 60k, why wouldn't you do that.

I completely agree.
This would be my dream.

OP you have worked so hard for many years, now it’s time to take a step back and concentrate on yourself, DC and husband.

You will probably have a bit of guilt for a while (you probably did working a lot too) but remember everyone will benefit from this.
And if worst comes to worse then go back full time.

Your employer/clients/service users can replace you in a week.

Your loved ones can’t.

I feel as if a lot of the fight has gone out of me, I'm not ambitious, and faced with long hours I'd tend to think "what's the point?"
I think this is my problem. As fortunately I don't have to earn more so the lazy part of me enjoys part-time! LinkedIn envy is my second problem, would like the title but don't want to do the extra work involved!
@JuneOsborne sorry about your mum. I agree having lost a parent, you don't get the time back with them and work suddenly becomes insignificant in the face of loss. @LabraDabraDoo your Mum will be proud of all you have achieved, professionally & personally & I'm sure she will be grateful for any extra time you have to spend with her while she's ill.

It sounds like you’re in a very fortunate financial position where you could earn well part-time. What would you and your family gain versus lose? It might be different if you’ve still got a big mortgage, school fees etc.