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Original poster

To ask for your help with creepy guy at work

51 replies

Bitcreepy · 11/02/2022 10:01

There is a man at my work. I know through other people that he has been through a break up recently and is now really lonely.

English is not his first language and he is older (late fifties / early sixties) and I find it difficult to communicate with him effectively.

He has made some comments which are quite creepy. There is a young woman (20yo) at work who he has approached and said he wants a girlfriend and he likes young, black girls - she has Indian heritage. He has asked where she is when she is off and when I've said she's visiting her boyfriend he has started saying what a shit town he lives in etc.

He has now started coming up to me and calling me sweet, beautiful etc in his own language, which I understand a little of. I'm quite new there and I laughed it off. There is a lot of joking and silly banter at my work, so it didn't seem that weird and I also made the classic mistake of feeling a bit sorry for him Hmm.

Anyway, he really made me uncomfortable last week when I was working and he sidled up beside me and said quietly into my ear "I like you" in English. I sort of froze and pretended I didn't hear it. Yes, I'm an idiot.

Anyway, I have to work in the same area as him again next week. I'm thinking that if he starts all the "sweet, beautiful woman" crap i just say "can you stop that please? You are making me uncomfortable".

I am moving on soon and he actually isn't the only creepy male staff member, which is one of the many reasons I'm moving on after only a few months. Do I report him to HR or is that massively over dramatic? I have an exit interview as well, so I may just mention it in a general way there. But I'm also tempted to ask the extremely lovely HR Adviser to keep an eye out by email today.

Mentioned it to my husband who was equally weirded out by the "I like you", but mentioned it to an older woman at work who said "ah bless him".

Thoughts?

OP posts:
CurtainTroubles · 11/02/2022 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

Original poster
Bitcreepy · 11/02/2022 11:10

Spoken to HR Adviser who was brilliant.

Thank you so much for the support Flowers

OP posts:
User1isnotavailable · 11/02/2022 11:12

report the creep

LakieLady · 11/02/2022 11:19

@IntermittentParps

Report him, and all the other creepy male staff members. Zero tolerance.
This.

And report to your line manager.

Peccary · 11/02/2022 11:25

Report, not just for your sake but for others who might not speak up for fear of losing jobs etc x

doublemonkey · 11/02/2022 11:39

You need to practice teling people to fuck off.

FindingMeno · 11/02/2022 11:44

I would report it.
If he's purposefully crossing lines he needs stopping.
If he can't understand the lines he needs advising what is and isn't OK.
It may help someone ( including him maybe) to flag it up.

NutsOhHazelnuts · 11/02/2022 12:03

@Bitcreepy

Spoken to HR Adviser who was brilliant.

Thank you so much for the support Flowers

Well done, OP. Hope it all gets sorted. Thanks

Original poster
Bitcreepy · 11/02/2022 12:08

@doublemonkey

You need to practice teling people to fuck off.
Oh fuck off @doublemonkey Wink

How'd I do Grin?

OP posts:
LaBellina · 11/02/2022 12:11

Good to hear that you’ve reported it OP.
I came on here to say this guy knows exactly what he’s doing and this needs to be nipped in the bud. Perverts like him need to be told that there is zero tolerance for their behavior 🤮

doublemonkey · 11/02/2022 12:12

@Bitcreepy Excellent- well done!

LaBellina · 11/02/2022 12:12

In this case instead of saying fuck off you could ask him if he has ever heard of the MeToo movement? Because apparently he hasn’t learnt from it if he did.

Original poster
Bitcreepy · 11/02/2022 12:19

[quote doublemonkey]@Bitcreepy Excellent- well done![/quote]
Hehe thanks (proud)

@LaBellina he honestly may not have heard of the MeToo movement. He's an older man whose English really isn't good. It wouldn't surprise me if MeToo had passed him by.

I won't tell him to fuck off though. I honestly think that, as far as possible, I'll leave the room when he comes in. He is in the housekeeping team and we are front of house and it'sa fancy place where housekeeping aren't normally visible, so there is no need for him to be in the same area as I am during service. Before service, it doesn't matter if i leave the room to a point as I can finish whatever I'm doing when he's gone. Anyway, what are work going to do? Fire me? Ha! I'm leaving anyway.

I've reported it and I have my exit interview next week too so can follow up with HR then if not before.

OP posts:
KalaniM · 11/02/2022 12:21

So glad you reported him. Flowers

Chickenpoxtwins · 11/02/2022 12:25

I'm glad you reported it. It's sexual harassment. If you hadn't reported him, after you've gone how many more young women will be harassed who haven't got the experience to stand up for themselves? You've done all those young women a huge favour.

Somebodylikeyew · 11/02/2022 12:31

I’m so proud of you for reporting him. Well done and thank you, on behalf of all the women who work there after you x

thevassal · 11/02/2022 12:37

@Bitcreepy

I think I wasn't sure whether to report because I haven't been there long and I'm leaving soon too, but some other poor bugger is going to take my place soon, so I do want to let them know to keep an eye on him as he'll probably take a shine to the next woman who comes in.
This is exactly why you should report - you're leaving so it won't have a detrimental effect on you but if he does try it on in the future it won't just be her word against his, they'll have your report. Absolutely fine if you want to wait until your last day to do it though. Id also mention the other Creepy guys if relevant - as someone who is experienced in the industry your word might carry a lot of weight when you say that you've worked in various different environments so you know what is normal/appropriate/just a bit of banter and this isn't that.
thevassal · 11/02/2022 12:37

So sorry just seen your update. Well done and I'm glad it went well!

EmmaH2022 · 11/02/2022 12:42

@Bitcreepy

Spoken to HR Adviser who was brilliant.

Thank you so much for the support Flowers

Glad you've done that

What did they say? Too many times they sympathise and do nothing.

Original poster
Bitcreepy · 11/02/2022 12:43

Thanks vassal and you're right; they at least have a record of it now, so if he ever pulls similar again, people will know he has that tendency.

He is just a really strange guy tbh. I really hope they talk to him and he understands. They have other people who speak his language as well, so they can translate if he doesn't. Even if he doesn't change his ways maybe management will keep an eye on him and protect their staff.

OP posts:
Malbecfan · 11/02/2022 12:43

Thank you for reporting it. 4 years ago my then 19yo DD was working in a small office as a summer intern. A family friend got her the job as they had been let down at the last minute. DD loved using her STEM knowledge, being in a workplace and getting paid for the privilege. The managers also used to take their dogs in so she was in her element.

There was an older male cleaner who started making comments to her. DD is very petite - 5ft tall and wears size 6 or kids clothes. DD had a boyfriend of her own age and wasn't interested. We suggested being polite but firm: no thank you, I'm not interested. However, he then started leaving her love notes and trying to stop her from leaving the office and she got a bit upset then angry. She reported him to the office manager and handed over his notes. The manager was completely brilliant and the company the guy worked for had their contract to clean removed. It turned out he had done it to others in the building but their managers were not so proactive in sorting it out.

Original poster
Bitcreepy · 11/02/2022 12:46

Well done your daughter malbec!

I'm also quite angry tbh. He does some weird stuff now as well, like making himself a coffee in the middle of service and just helps himself even when I'm clearly saying "no you can't; I'm making drinks for guests". He just looks all dopey as if he doesn't know what the issue is, but he must know. He's been in the UK for thirty years and at my work for years too. He's clearly a misogynistic wanker. He would not do that to the male bartenders. Arsehole

OP posts:
billy1966 · 11/02/2022 12:58

Definitely tell HR during the Exit meeting that having a creep like this at work hassling made the decision to move on much easier.

They need to know that you are glad to be leaving.

whysonasty · 11/02/2022 13:08

mentioned it to an older woman at work who said "ah bless him".

Christ this frustrates the absolute fuck out of me. Almost as much as creepy men do. As a woman who has likely had to deal with the same shit in her life at some stage to whatever degree she nonetheless not only minimises the creepy behaviour, she even manages to suggest it’s endearing. Fuck that. Seriously. Fuck that. I don’t care how old she is, women like this should be ashamed of themselves.

Original poster
Bitcreepy · 11/02/2022 13:15

@whysonasty

mentioned it to an older woman at work who said "ah bless him".

Christ this frustrates the absolute fuck out of me. Almost as much as creepy men do. As a woman who has likely had to deal with the same shit in her life at some stage to whatever degree she nonetheless not only minimises the creepy behaviour, she even manages to suggest it’s endearing. Fuck that. Seriously. Fuck that. I don’t care how old she is, women like this should be ashamed of themselves.

I think it was more pity than endearment, but yes, still infuriating. He is a strange man and a sad character, but he doesn't get to visit that on every woman he comes across
OP posts: