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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To not want presents from DH's family?

31 replies

MoneyWorries122456 · 09/02/2022 12:28

So my partner is a complete psychopath and when angry with me throws me out the front door where I fall onto the step. I have banged my head once, cut my foot and received grazes and bruises etc. I often call his family after this has happened, as they are the only people who would be able to talk some sense into him. It's that or the police - and the latter cause problems. He cares what his family thinks. However, the response from them has been appalling. "What can we do about it?" And absolutely no sympathy. They've have blocked me as they simply don't want to hear what their psychopath son is doing. However they do wish to send me Xmas presents which I find absolutely insulting when all I want for them to do is care about what is happening to me and intervene. For me, I feel so alone. I hear from him that they are saying that I deserve it and his behaviour is reasonable. It's so hard to talk about it with anyone as bringing in any kind of outside help is not a possibility.

OP posts:
McScreamysGhostPants · 09/02/2022 12:29

Why the shiny shit are you tolerating this?!

LEAVE!

DifficultBloodyWoman · 09/02/2022 12:31

The problem is not DH’s family or their presents. The problem is your ‘D’H.

Get the fuck out of there!

3peassuit · 09/02/2022 12:32

This man is violent and has injured you more than once. Why don’t you want to report him to the police and take action to remove him from your home? I wouldn’t bother with his family.

T00Ts · 09/02/2022 12:33

You need to phone the police, you need to phone Women’s Aid, and you need to leave this abusive cunt.

You’re focusing on absolutely the wrong things here. He’s a terrifying piece of shit and you are in danger.

FilledSoda · 09/02/2022 12:34

He doesn't care about you and neither does his family . You're in a dangerous abusive relationship. Presents are the least of your worries and that the fact that you're focusing on that of all things just demonstrates how much he's messing with your head .
You need to contact Womens Aid and start to plan your escape .
Stay safe. Don't tell him you're leaving .

MichelleScarn · 09/02/2022 12:35

Why not the police? Get him removed then you won't have to deal with them at all?

Natty13 · 09/02/2022 12:36

Jesus Christ.

SartresSoul · 09/02/2022 12:37

Just sack his family off, they’re a bit of a red herring here. Phone the police and women’s aid and get out of there ASAP.

thisplaceisweird · 09/02/2022 12:39

Of course they don't want to hear about it. You must call the police and get out.

So my partner is a complete psychopath and when angry with me throws me out the front door where I fall onto the step. I have banged my head once, cut my foot and received grazes and bruises etc this is just not ok, how do you not see that?

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/02/2022 12:39

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ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 09/02/2022 12:40

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Hapoydayz · 09/02/2022 12:43

Leave him. Call the police if he assaults you

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/02/2022 12:44

He has physically abused you multiple times. Why are you still with him? "bringing in any kind of outside help is not a possibility" - why?

Serious questions, not just having a go at you. Your post doesn't so much as hint that you're even considering leaving. Is it fear of consequences? Nowhere to go? Financial? Children? You've been ground down so much for so long it's unthinkable? Why?

girlmom21 · 09/02/2022 12:45

He doesn't give a shit about you and his family don't give a shit about you.

Phone the police and don't look back.

MoneyWorries122456 · 09/02/2022 12:49

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

just leave. and if he touches you - call the police and have him charged.

Honestly, the fucking nonsense some women will put up with just to have a man in their life astounds me.

Absolutely couldn't care less about having a man in my life. But when that man threatens to use past mental health to have your children taken away..... then you hope that things can be fixed. And yes, I've lost children before to an ex who has told a load of shit and lies about me in the family court which was believed. I won't allow that to happen again. I am trapped by a family court system not fit for purpose unfortunately.
OP posts:
FilledSoda · 09/02/2022 12:51

So you just wait for him to kill you then ?

Newestname002 · 09/02/2022 12:53

@MoneyWorries122456

OP, this isn't a situation you should consider staying in. You yourself call your partner a "complete psychopath" so your aim should be to get as far away from him as you can, safely, and as soon as you can. Do not let him know you plan to do this as it's bound to escalate his terrible behaviour to you.

What is your financial situation? Do you have a job, money of your own or a way to access funds to get away? Do you have children with this man, who you'll need to plan for and safeguard from him?

You say "partner" so I'm assuming you are not married to him, which might be a blessing..

Absolutely do please contact Women's Aid for advice and help (they're often busy but please persevere as they will be a source of practical support for you).

Do you have anyone, eg family, in real life who you could stay with for a while as well as provide practical support?

As other posters have said, your unpleasant "In Laws" presents to you are the very least of your worries. Please don't stay any longer in this potentially dangerous environment. 🌹

FortniteBoysMum · 09/02/2022 12:55

Pack your shit together and leave. How can you tolerate this knowing its wrong and his family are turning a blind eye. Call the police. Press charges and let him sit in a prison cell for a few months.

Cryalot2 · 09/02/2022 12:59

Op please for your own safety get out, and report him.
People like that never change.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 09/02/2022 13:00

But when that man threatens to use past mental health to have your children taken away..

They all say that, ignore it.

My mum used to put up with all that shit from my abusive step-father - he used to do it in front of us. Fucking hate her now for not protecting me from that trauma. You might want to think about how it effects your children.

SunnydaleHSAlumna · 09/02/2022 13:01

You need help. Speak to Women's Aid as a first instance.

cherryonthecakes · 09/02/2022 13:02

By staying in a violent relationship you are also risking keeping your kids because you can't keep them safe if you stay.
The problem is not his family- he is the problem and you need to leave before he kills you

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/02/2022 13:17

You need to leave him - immediately- not worry about presents from his family. Ideally call the police about his assaults on you.

I have some sympathy as when I WAS in the process of divorcing my EA exh I did try to get his family to help persuade him to leave the house. It was affecting our children’s MH, but they wouldn’t step in at all. However, this seems to be the way it goes - you can’t rely on others to speak for you, you just have to do it yourself.

I just had to wait for tue divorce and financial settlement to come through but you can report him to the police and get him straight out of there.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/02/2022 13:18

I’d like to thing if my son did this I’d give him absolute hell, but I’m not your MIL so that doesn’t help you

Babadook76 · 09/02/2022 15:47

I’m not sure his family are to blame here. It sounds like they’ve helped you plenty in the past, but they’re done picking up the pieces when you won’t help yourself. They can’t wave a magic wand and stop your partner being an abusive prick. Why aren’t your family helping? You need to gather what evidence you can, leave and report him.

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