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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating older men

52 replies

fenellastripe · 09/02/2022 11:04

A woman on a dating site had a dig at me because I was looking for a date older than me. I don't think it's a big deal to want to date men my age or up to 20 years older. I'm in my fifties but people often say I look in my forties. AIBU to want to date men over 70?

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 09/02/2022 11:12

No offence, but why?

Original poster
fenellastripe · 09/02/2022 11:18

It's a broad generalisation but generally I find older people to be calmer, wiser, and more in tune with what I like to do i.e. gardening, rather than getting drunk in the pub. I just seem to get on better with older people.

OP posts:
KimDeals · 09/02/2022 11:18

Are you looking for someone with a bad cough?

MsAgnesDiPesto · 09/02/2022 11:22

I’m 50 and my dad is in his 70s. I can’t imagine dating someone his age - he is not as healthy or active as he was, which is also true for many men his age. Someone in that age group has had very different life experiences from mine. I wouldn’t find enough in common.

Are you looking for a long term relationship? If so, to be blunt, you are setting yourself up for potential disappointment. And people will raise eyebrows if you are targeting a much older person, who has a much lower life expectancy than you do. Gold digging is still a thing and even if you’re not in any way thinking along those lines, people will make assumptions.

Ifailed · 09/02/2022 11:22

@KimDeals Grin

LaurieFairyCake · 09/02/2022 11:24

If you look like you're in your 40's it's definitely going to look like you're out with your dad if the man you're with is 70

Susu49 · 09/02/2022 11:25

How did a woman on a dating site have a go at you? She wouldn't have been able to see your profile?

Also ynbu for wanting to date older men if that's who you're attracted to

Pyewhacket · 09/02/2022 11:28

@KimDeals

Are you looking for someone with a bad cough?
Anywhere in NW3, preferably !. Grin
AuntTwacky · 09/02/2022 11:30

@KimDeals

Are you looking for someone with a bad cough?
Grin
Justcallmebebes · 09/02/2022 11:32

Exactly @MsAgnesDiPesto
I'm in my fifties and my step dad is in his 70's. He drives me fucking nuts with his old man foibles. I couldn't date someone in that age range, I'd end up killing them.

Each to their own I guess, but how did someone have a go at you on the site?

Abhannmor · 09/02/2022 11:47

I don't see how relevant it is when we get on in years. Whereas if you're 20 and he's 40 or vice versa it would be a bit different somehow?

Abhannmor · 09/02/2022 11:49

@LaurieFairyCake

If you look like you're in your 40's it's definitely going to look like you're out with your dad if the man you're with is 70
He might be some eternally young health nut!
Lightning020 · 09/02/2022 11:52

I find men over 70 act like your dad. A bit paternal. Not for me. Conversation wise IMHO you cant beat your own age group. Though I dont like relationships I have still noticed this (am also in my fifties).

Lightning020 · 09/02/2022 11:53

They are also a bit patronising. Just my view.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 09/02/2022 11:53

@KimDeals

Are you looking for someone with a bad cough?
Grin
Captnip500 · 09/02/2022 11:53

Date who you want, it’s no one else’s business once you both fully grown adults.

SoManyTshirts · 09/02/2022 11:58

I’m early 60s look younger, and BF is mid-seventies. We met by chance and rub along well, but I wouldn’t have picked him out on a dating site and he is still slightly embarrassed by the age difference (3 years since we met).

Lightning020 · 09/02/2022 12:01

I guess those who enjoy that age group need to treasure the few years they will have with them. Unless longevity is genetic for these more mature companions.

I would hate to have a friend who maybe only had 10 years of life left!

ChargingBuck · 09/02/2022 12:06

I'm confused.

You - presumably a woman - are on an OLD site, seeking to date men.
Then some random woman spots your profile, digs deep to establish your age & the age bracket you have specified for the men you'd like to date ... & then contacts you via the site, to inform you that she disagrees with your age parameters?

Chinny reckon Hmm

Loveisthere · 09/02/2022 12:09

KIMDEALS

Lol

Classica · 09/02/2022 12:14

@KimDeals

Are you looking for someone with a bad cough?
My mum told me to look for an old man with a short cough and deep pockets.

(before I get any indignant responses: she was only joking and it wasn't actual advice,

KimDeals · 09/02/2022 12:59

@Classica brilliant Grin I’ve heard that one too!

An older friend of our family had a great expression, when he heard someone he didn’t like was ill, he would boom, “oh! Nothing TRIVIAL I hope!”

Mysticguru · 09/02/2022 13:07

Boys play with your body whilst men explore your mind. They reach into your soul before they touch your skin .

Does it matter what age they are?

Original poster
fenellastripe · 09/02/2022 13:21

On the site I use women can send other women messages. It was along the lines of complaining about younger women chasing older men so older women don't stand a chance. There was a hint I was gold-digging but nothing in my profile suggests that (nor am I).

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 09/02/2022 13:26

She'd probably watched too much Sex and the City. You have a strange preference imo as I think anyone who isn't wise by 50 is never going to be, but I would keep that view to myself on a dating site!