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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Organising friends bday

34 replies

Goodnrdsf · 09/02/2022 06:22

Friend who I met at uni wants to me to organise her 40th birthday. Wanting 20 people who I know about 5 well to go away for spa weekend costing £500 each . I did say to her I don’t really have time but she won’t take no for an answer . Is this really a thing to spend that much ?

OP posts:
Kbyodjs · 09/02/2022 06:26

I guess it depends on the incomes of those coming but I wouldn’t spend that much on a weekend like that especially with so many people where I’d barely see my friend

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/02/2022 06:33

We are a high income household and no way would I go for that.

This will be a hellish nightmare.
DO NOT GET INVOLVED

Tell her you simply don't have the time/aren't best placed to organise it - she is! But that you would love to go / can't afford to go (delete as appropriate)

Arabellla · 09/02/2022 06:34

That is ridiculous. Say no! Is she always this demanding of you or are you usually a pushover?

Is she angling for everyone to pay for her?

ShirleyPhallus · 09/02/2022 06:34

Grin how can she not take no for an answer? Just don’t do it!

Womencanlift · 09/02/2022 06:36

She wants someone else to organise her birthday?! I can kind of understand someone else organising a hen and maybe even a baby shower.

But a birthday, unless she is under the age of 13 tell her not to be so precious and do it herself

Also £500 for a 40th, even though I could afford it I wouldn’t spend that on a friends birthday

LadyGagagagaga123 · 09/02/2022 06:40

This is going to be even worse than the bridezilla threads. Fuck me.

AlDanvers · 09/02/2022 06:41

I am in a few weeks.

Nor a chance would I expect someone to organise a whole weekend event. Nor pay £500 to attend.

I think thats awful of her

TheWayTheLightFalls · 09/02/2022 06:43

Noooo. All the alarm bells are ringing here.

AuntyJanet · 09/02/2022 06:43

Just decline and explain why. She’s unreasonable to expect you to do it - why doesn’t she just do it herself?

As for the plan, fair enough, but I hope she doesn’t expect everyone to come given the cost.

fourandnomore · 09/02/2022 06:44

No. It’s not normal to spend that on someone else’s 40th and while she can want someone else to organise it you are under no obligation. Say unfortunately I can’t afford to come to that so I’m not organising it for 20 people most of which I don’t know. Also, at the moment it would surely be close to impossible to book 20 for a spa weekend anywhere I’m sure. Do not get involved in any way, it will be a nightmare.

roastedsaltedpeanut · 09/02/2022 07:00

Interesting dynamics you got there. Why did she think it was okay to ask you to do that? Do you owe her a massive favour? Are you the well know party organiser?

If she is just an old friend and you obviously don’t want to do it just say no.
Yes I would spend £500 for a weekend away with friends. A nice hotel for two nights will be around £200. I am assuming you each have your own room. Four meals would be £140. Plus spa treatment. I think it’s about right for a luxury escape.

girlmom21 · 09/02/2022 07:01

Tell her you're not organising it and you're not going.

TwinkleToesStrikesAgain · 09/02/2022 07:04

I didn't spend that on my own 40th. Or 50th. Crazy. And why can't she organise it herself?

abyssofwoah · 09/02/2022 07:05

Wow! Is she always so self-centred? It’s a birthday, not a hen do. Straight no, you’re not doing that. Even if you did have time, you’re not her bloody PA. I also would not attend a birthday at that expense.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/02/2022 07:13

Sorry I don’t feel comfortable organising this.

Not your job
Not your birthday
Not your friends
….and the budget wtf

AuntieMarys · 09/02/2022 07:20

Is she incapable of organising it herself?

RampantIvy · 09/02/2022 07:23

fourandnomore has the right response. I think your friend is being unrealistic.

Sceptre86 · 09/02/2022 07:24

I wouldn't do it. It's an old friend you've said but are you still close, meet up? You don't know the rest of her friends and I would be concerned if you are booking something might end up in a situation where you are out of pocket. Also organising something for that many people is likely to be a nightmare. I'd just say I have a lot on my plate right now and back off completely.

Universe1969 · 09/02/2022 07:32

Not organised but for a friends 40th there was a weekend away which was £200. It was fantastic. She is turning 50 this year and whilst still a good friend and live close by am not invited for this event. Another thread altogether

blitzen · 09/02/2022 07:33

She might be ashamed/embarrassed about asking people to spend that much money and so she needs a messenger to break it to them. It all sounds a bit indulgent. I could understand if it was a very small group of besties.

cameocat · 09/02/2022 07:38

No I wouldn't be doing that. Forget the organising and the cost. She will make it a nightmare.

FabriqueBelgique · 09/02/2022 07:43

It’s too much to ask! You’re not her PA.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 09/02/2022 07:52

You’ve said you don’t have time so say it again no and mean it . It’s irrelevant how much it costs because I don’t know your income or friends but no way would I organise something like that or pay that .
She can organise her own party if that’s what she wants don’t be a push over op say no !!

Bonheurdupasse · 09/02/2022 08:17

Don't do it!
She knows it (the organising) is likely to turn into a mess / huge hassle- not least because of the £££ - and she wants to pass the hassle to you! That way she'll also have someone to blame if it doesn't go perfectly

chilli1212 · 09/02/2022 08:26

Nope. I'd say I can't get involved.

Hardly anybody is going to agree to spunk £500 on a 40th birthday.