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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - woman beating her daughter in street

75 replies

tinx · 08/02/2022 21:49

So I’m in the garden this evening and hear a little girl screaming and her mum hitting her saying “you little cow you ruin everything”
Little girl is crying and screaming “you hurt me your hurting me”

I go out and confront the woman after MUCH hesitation, I was polite and not judging her I just ask is everything ok can I help you ? Do you need help ?

She backs away from the little girl and says “everything is ok, she just so rude to me she has a big mouth just like her dad and I’m tired”

I ask the little girl if she’s ok and she nods…

I walk away , now I can’t forget it I feel sick
I feel like I should have done something more but I was scared I’ve never confronted anyone before in this way

Should I have called the police or just minded my own business?

OP posts:

DillDanding · 09/02/2022 09:50

Of course you should’ve reported it.

If it was a man hitting a woman, would you have even thought twice? Is it somehow ok because it was a woman hitting a child?

gonewiththegin · 09/02/2022 10:49

Hopefully has been caught on the CCTV of the property. You done the right thing approaching the mother calmly, any other response and it is likely it would be taken out on that poor little girl. I totally understand you not calling the police at the time, it is not a situation you expected to be in and if the mother saw you on the phone she is hardly going to wait around for the police to arrive. Hope you are okay.

Rivermonsters · 09/02/2022 11:14

ffs call the police now. Don’t be a bystander, makes you just as bad

Rivermonsters · 09/02/2022 11:16

Ah seen your update. Ignore my previous comment

esloquehay · 09/02/2022 11:17

Of course you need to report it.
Why would you hesitate?!
I've been that little girl.

BlondeWidow · 09/02/2022 12:35

Utterly disgusted with OP not calling police immediately. I was badly beaten as a kid - nearly killed several times (two of those occasions, killing me was their intention) yet nobody saved me.

ElleGB · 09/02/2022 12:40

@BlondeWidow

Utterly disgusted with OP not calling police immediately. I was badly beaten as a kid - nearly killed several times (two of those occasions, killing me was their intention) yet nobody saved me.

I’m so sorry.

I hope you’re safe now and manage to find peace.

Original poster

tinx · 09/02/2022 12:46

@BlondeWidow

Utterly disgusted with OP not calling police immediately. I was badly beaten as a kid - nearly killed several times (two of those occasions, killing me was their intention) yet nobody saved me.

Disgusted with myself too I don’t know what blocked me from doing it , my own stupid personal fears maybe

I’m deeply sorry for what happened to you what you suffered and that my thread and actions have upset you

OP posts:

LeedleLee · 09/02/2022 12:47

Absolutely report it. If she can do that in public I shudder to think what she may do behind closed doors.

Remember the story of Lauren Wright. A witness once saw her stepmother hit her in the street, but they didn't say or do anything. Just months later, that same stepmother beat the girl to death.

Original poster

tinx · 09/02/2022 12:50

@LeedleLee

Absolutely report it. If she can do that in public I shudder to think what she may do behind closed doors.

Remember the story of Lauren Wright. A witness once saw her stepmother hit her in the street, but they didn't say or do anything. Just months later, that same stepmother beat the girl to death.

It’s reported to the police now I saw that the neighbours house where it happened had a cctv camera and I’ve told the police this And I will see this woman again I’ve seen this little girl with her mother before the police told me to ring again if I see them

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 09/02/2022 12:51

You confronted her in the right way OP - calmly and sensibly, non-judgmental.

Maybe you should have called the police straight away but, more importantly, you'd have made the mom stop and realise what she was doing hopefully.

You let the little girl know people care and that's so important too.

ikeepseeingit · 09/02/2022 12:57

OP please don’t beat yourself up. How many others went out and stopped it happening? None. How many others reported? None. You have learnt your lesson now and would report next time immediately. You’re human and you were in a stressful situation. Forgive yourself. Next time you can take a photo, call police and then intervene if you feel safe enough to do so.

NanaRant · 09/02/2022 13:50

Well done for reporting OP. It is not easy reporting child abuse (and natural to question yourself initially), but you have done the right thing. If everyone that witnessed the deliberate harm of children (which is illegal), was to intervene and diffuse (which you did), then children's lives would be saved. That could not have been easy for you either, and loads of people don't intervene, as others have said.

We must all call-out child abuse. Hopefully the police will deal effectively with this and as a direct result of your actions, this little girl's life may well be better. We can only hope.

MorningStarling · 09/02/2022 13:57

You should consider getting CCTV yourself. Chances are if/when the police contact her she'll know it was you that reported her. Most people aren't stupid enough to escalate things further but given she's the type that thinks it's OK to beat her child in the street I wouldn't rule it out. What I mean is, hopefully and probably nothing will come of it, but if it does it's good to have video evidence.

Mollysocks · 09/02/2022 15:18

@Longcovid21

You have given that little girl a message people do care it will mean something I have been that little girl

This. You did a great thing.

I have been that girl too and no one did or said anything.

Was in an airport too in front of hundreds of people. I remember willing someone to step in but no one did. You did the right thing, it’s always the right thing.

tackling · 09/02/2022 15:20

Don't bear yourself up.

So you panicked; that just makes you human.

HistoriaTrixie · 10/02/2022 23:25

@Juniper68 I was diagnosed with that, yes. After years and years of therapy I'm okay now. I was able to break the cycle with my own kids and they've never known anything even remotely like the fear I lived with, which is the most important part.

HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat · 10/02/2022 23:29

Op you did more than many others would have done; and you have now reported it as well. Don't feel bad. You have done what you can.
I say this as the child that suffered violence and abuse, so I'm not without experience.

Juniper68 · 10/02/2022 23:59

[quote HistoriaTrixie]@Juniper68 I was diagnosed with that, yes. After years and years of therapy I'm okay now. I was able to break the cycle with my own kids and they've never known anything even remotely like the fear I lived with, which is the most important part.[/quote]
Glad to hear you're a lot better.

TR888 · 11/02/2022 07:28

Tlhose of you who talk about reporting it to the police should consider that this woman might become more enraged with her daughter with that additional pressure. My dad used to hit me (although never in public) and I know what I'm talking about.

thefourgp · 11/02/2022 07:33

Well done for intervening and reporting OP. The world needs more people like you. People too often look the other way.

ThirdElephant · 11/02/2022 07:39

I think it's a cultural hangup we have in this country about making waves and causing offense, OP. We need to get over it as a nation. Sometimes a tut simply doesn't cut it.

Well done for reporting, however delayed.

Mollysocks · 11/02/2022 08:22

@ThirdElephant

I think it's a cultural hangup we have in this country about making waves and causing offense, OP. We need to get over it as a nation. Sometimes a tut simply doesn't cut it.

Well done for reporting, however delayed.

‘Passive bystander’ I’ve been on a course about this with work. It should be available to all, it’s gives genuine ways to intervene in situations without putting yourself in danger. i.e distraction, simply asking the time and taking the focus away from the victim is one way.

SugarPlumFairy999 · 11/02/2022 08:23

Report it now. Please

SugarPlumFairy999 · 11/02/2022 08:24

Ahh I see you have, thank you for helping this child

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