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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - woman beating her daughter in street

75 replies

tinx · 08/02/2022 21:49

So I’m in the garden this evening and hear a little girl screaming and her mum hitting her saying “you little cow you ruin everything”
Little girl is crying and screaming “you hurt me your hurting me”

I go out and confront the woman after MUCH hesitation, I was polite and not judging her I just ask is everything ok can I help you ? Do you need help ?

She backs away from the little girl and says “everything is ok, she just so rude to me she has a big mouth just like her dad and I’m tired”

I ask the little girl if she’s ok and she nods…

I walk away , now I can’t forget it I feel sick
I feel like I should have done something more but I was scared I’ve never confronted anyone before in this way

Should I have called the police or just minded my own business?

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 08/02/2022 22:17

I reported a woman in a supermarket car park 21 years ago. She was screaming and shouting at her kids in the back of the car, hitting them too and she then screamed wait till I get you home.
I had just had my baby and was really shook up by what I saw and heard.

I wrote down her number plate and called police when I got home.

Police went to the home spoke to her then called me to let me know all was ok at home when they visited. They said they spoke to her about what was reported to them.

I don't regret for one minute doing what I did. Those children were being verbally and physically abused in public so what goes on behind closed doors.

Safeguarding is everyone's business. After what we've witnessed on the news lately the children always come first.

Thedogscollar · 08/02/2022 22:21

Reading that back OP please be assured in no way am I having a pop at you as I know how shocking it is to witness.

If you can though I'd report it. You could make all the difference to that child.

trickyex · 08/02/2022 22:24

Please do report OP, shocking thing to see but even more shocking to be on the receiving end as the young child was.
We have a collective responsibility to look out for each other, esp when children are concerned.

Original poster
tinx · 08/02/2022 22:24

@amoobaa

Definitely call and report it.

I’m a psychotherapist and I often wonder how my patients’ lives might have been, if someone in their lives (a friend, relative, neighbour, a stranger even) had spoken up about the abuse they witnessed.

It’s never too late to report.

Write everything down and don’t be afraid to report to every authority/ agency you can.

It’s not your fault- the responsibility lies with the mother. But it can be devastating and extremely damaging for a child to have their abuse witnessed, and then see the witness seemingly do nothing.

I’m so sorry you experienced this. It’s easy for people to chip in now… but I am sure I would have been panicked and anxious in the moment too Flowers

In my line of work, Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility. If in doubt, always call and raise your concerns.

Thank you I’m going to report if just been questioning myself
OP posts:
Ikeptgoing · 08/02/2022 22:26

I'm a mum
I'm also a social worker albeit a disability adult SW

You witnessed a child crying about her parent hurting her- in the street and shouting losing her rag at her child. We've all had moments but generally try not to lose our rag and would think if our child shouts please stop hurting me that's WAY too far, that's not discipline and safety with love, that's fear and out of control

I'm glad you intervened

Bc what people do in the street in public is a fraction of what they do at home unseen.

So, you have hardly any details but you could report - if you have enough info- to the police and ask for it to be anonymous

Tell them time and date and re description etc and police may try to track it down and arrange for incident to be recorded and try to link it up

It sounds like that mum needs support as for whatever reason she isn't coping and no child should be begging her mum to stop hurting her ... ever.

Hand it over please

Suzanne999 · 08/02/2022 22:30

If the woman is hitting her child in the street in broad daylight what the he’ll could she be doing behind closed doors?
Your intervention stopped the hitting then but this child is in danger. Please call the police, just report exactly what you saw and heard, what was said, answer any questions factually. It’s up to the police to investigate then.

Ikeptgoing · 08/02/2022 22:30

There's a difference between having had enough and trying to stop your child hurting themselves by running into road , or their throwing a tantrum as they can't have an item in shop they want and it comes out of kindness , and a child being hurt and shouting her mum is hurting her in the street. A whole world of difference

gonewiththegin · 08/02/2022 22:32

Please call and report this ASAP. That poor little girl can’t speak up but you can. It was very brave of you to intervene. Unfortunately what you heard is likely much worse behind closed doors and that little girl needs help.

TheBlackJew · 08/02/2022 22:33

Poor kid. Sounds like mum hates the father and is indirectly taking it out on the kid. Please report. That poor little girl doesn't need that kind of shit in her life Sad

MadeForThis · 08/02/2022 22:57

Report.

Snarkysparky · 08/02/2022 23:00

That’s horrific

whynotwhatknot · 08/02/2022 23:29

Ad pp have said if she dos that in public can you imagine what goes on at home

Mogwig · 08/02/2022 23:32

Omg call and report it now.

Imagine the fear and distress that little girl is feeling. Don't worry about 'bullying' the mother! Call.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/02/2022 23:37

Of course you should, if you know where they live call now.

Juniper68 · 08/02/2022 23:46

I'm glad you're reporting. Imagine if you heard in the future the child had been badly hurt or worse?

RoseRedRoseBlue · 09/02/2022 00:24

Well done for intervening. We need more of this.

PinkSyCo · 09/02/2022 03:02

I’m so glad you’re going to report this woman because if she can beat her child in public like this God knows what she is doing to her behind closed doors. Sad Well done OP.

HistoriaTrixie · 09/02/2022 03:05

Y would be U to not report. I was beaten with fists during my childhood, including in the public street, and no one bothered to report it including our neighbours who heard it happening over and over again through the party wall.

Peoniesandcream · 09/02/2022 03:14

Well done for being calm and polite! I would have had a go at her because that's how I am so good for you keeping your cool.

Original poster
tinx · 09/02/2022 08:47

Thank you all for your response I reported it to the police the house outside where it happed had a camera and I’ve told this to the police

The police call handler was not pleased she told me harshly I should have called the police straight away …

OP posts:
Cherryblossoms85 · 09/02/2022 08:50

It may have been a one off, but having so little control over the situation in public makes me wonder what's happening when they're at home.

OutlookStalking · 09/02/2022 08:51

Well yes I still dont see why you didnt call straight away, but well done for doing so now!

candycane222 · 09/02/2022 09:03

I can totally see why you didn't report immediately OP - it's not exactly an everyday situation where you or people you know are already familiar with the way to deal with it. It's frightening and mercifully, unfamiliar. It's not as though most of us are used to dealing with violence and violent people, thank God.

OP you must be feeling quite shaken. I know I would be.

Juniper68 · 09/02/2022 09:07

@HistoriaTrixie

Y would be U to not report. I was beaten with fists during my childhood, including in the public street, and no one bothered to report it including our neighbours who heard it happening over and over again through the party wall.
Fuck that's bad. Do you have PTSD?
gingerhills · 09/02/2022 09:10

I think you did the right thing by asking the woman if she needed help and by not judging her as you de-escalated her anger.