Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to tell my sister i think her friend is weird and not to leave her kids with him

34 replies

mimi03 · 31/12/2007 19:37

A few months ago i went to my neices christening. shes 16mths. After the do we all went back to my sisters house and I met her god father for the first time.

Admittedly I probably spent all of about 15 mins with him but he totally gave me the creeps. he comes over arogant, smug and a bit of a pratt.

I asked my sister how they know him and she told me they have been mates with him for over a year now. He coaches at the football club her 2 sons attened. they are 12 and 10 yrs old. my sisters dh also coaches and manages the team so thats how they met. this guy has no kids and no girlfriend.

I am a pesemist and a sceptic and I dont trust him. my sister on the other hand is trusting and bubbly. She told me when I asked her that he has on occation left him to babysit for an hour while the kids slept. I want to tell her I think hes dodgy and not to be so trusting......but how the hell can i pop in to a conversation ' by the way i think your friend is weird and dont leave the kids alone with him' should i just keep my mouth shut?

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 31/12/2007 19:39

He starts off being arrogant, smug and a bit of a pratt and ends being dodgy and weird????

Desiderata · 31/12/2007 19:40

I'd keep your mouth shut.

Unless he plays golf, in which case I'd give her the nod ..

Alambil · 31/12/2007 19:40

Most men I've met are arrogant, smug and prats - doesn't mean they are dangerous lol

poppy34 · 31/12/2007 19:40

esp if he wears golf gear....

have you got anything more than that to go on?

SantaBabyBeenAnAwfulGoodGirl · 31/12/2007 19:41

well your op is pretty odd you think based on 15 minutes he is weird

he will have been crb checked as a coach

you aren't having to marry him babe

VictorianSqualor · 31/12/2007 19:43

Tell her he gives you the creeps, just because if he were to be 'weird' you would never forgive yourself.
I wouldnt tell her not to leave the kids alone with him though, that's taking it a step too far.
At least once you've said your piece she can just laugh it off and likely say 'dont be so silly he is a lovely man' then it never needs mentioning again.

WanderingTrolley · 31/12/2007 19:44

You spent 15minutes with him.

She has known him a year.

Having no kids or girlfriend is not a crime.

lol Desi about the golf - but surely the Pringle jumpers and plus fours would be a giveaway?

TheIceQueen · 31/12/2007 19:44

I guess that would probably make my DB a little bit dodgy and wierd....he's 32, no girlfriend (only had one in the last 10yrs - and not for lack of trying LOL), definitely no kids......BUT is involved in lots of "kids" stuff.....infact he's just waiting to hear if he's got a job as a soft play supervisor at his local soft play centre...........gosh he must be really wierd and I must be so foolish having had him look after the DS's for periods of time seen as though he fits the girlfriendless and childless catergory...........

OK admittedly he is a little wierd - but more in the climbing active volcanoes, bungee jumping off EXTREMELY high bridges, running regular marathons type way..........

Desiderata · 31/12/2007 19:44

... it's those long, white paedophile socks they wear in the summer

BEWARE OF GOLFERS!!!!!!!

madamez · 31/12/2007 19:45

I think you should keep your nose out unless you have any actual evidence of wierdness or inappropriate behaviour. THe fact that you don't like this man doesn't mean he's a danger to children. It might just mean that you are very intolerant, paranoid and mean-minded.

TheIceQueen · 31/12/2007 19:46

oh - did I mention he's also a Scout Leader and runs the Sunday School at Church......

differentYearbutthesamecack · 31/12/2007 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bamboostalks · 31/12/2007 20:01

I disagree with the other posters, if your instinct strongly tells you something is not right, then follow it. So mention it to your sister and then you have done the best you can, probably nothing but as long as she dismisses it then you have done your duty.

mumeeee · 31/12/2007 20:07

Just because he is arragant and smug doesn't mean he is doddgy. He would have has to be CRb checked to be a coach and to one the Sunday school. So I would just keep out of it and trust you friend to decide who she lets lok after her kids. She has known him for a year.

derlorisMonica · 31/12/2007 20:18

i'm with Bamboo - your instinct is such a powerful thing - if you feel that instinctively creeped out by him - (despite all the other reasons) then I would advise you to talk to your sister - If I were her - i'd appreciate your input.
If something is "wrong" then 15 mins is well enough time to sense it.

Derlor runs away from all the trusting (keep out of it) posters...................

FrannyandZooey · 31/12/2007 20:28

am not sure what to advise you but just wanted to say that CRB check proves nothing other than that the person has no previous convictions

it doesn't mean that person is to be trusted or that they are safe

hatrick · 31/12/2007 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Shitemum · 31/12/2007 20:31

I would say something but keep it very low-key.

FrannyandZooey · 31/12/2007 20:35

No I don't think you can trust all people who work with children 100% hatrick, not based on a CRB check. It doesn't really mean a great deal.

hatrick · 31/12/2007 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FrannyandZooey · 31/12/2007 20:40

Hatrick I am sure they trust you based on their estimation of you as a person, and on your professional qualifications, not based on a piece of paper which says you have never been caught and prosecuted for paedophile activities

I don't think I am saying the same thing as what you think I am saying

Desiderata · 31/12/2007 20:50

Children are mainly abused by members of their own family. We all know this.

Let's remember that these children are aged 12 and 10. My brother and me, at those respective ages, would not have broached any odd behaviour from an adult. That's way too old be be vulnerable in your own home when you've got a sibling by your side.

The OP has already said she's a pessimist and a sceptic.

Original poster
mimi03 · 31/12/2007 21:13

well i thank you for your honest opioins. it looks like i am being paranoid. I know about the whole CRB thing, but im afraid i dont have much faith in that either! it only weeds out those who have been caught for something and not those that are clever enough not to get caught. i just dont think people realise how common abuse is. I had a shocking insight into this fact in my last job and prehaphs its tainted my perception on this kinda thing. apprciate the comments tho.

OP posts:
madamez · 01/01/2008 17:33

Abuse is not uncommon but it's far more likely to come from a member of one's own family. However, given the tabloids' constant scaremongering about paedos under every paving stone. it's not that surprising that some people, particularly stupid or gullible or nervous ones, think anyone who is a bit different must be dangerous (a lot of the tabloid stuff is about frightening women back into the home and/or having a go at sexual minorities). NOt everyone's instincts are right. It depends how much of a fuckwit and a bigot a person is, really.
THe only thinkg that would ring any danger bells with me would be if the children seemed uncomofrtable around the individual.

MrsTittleMouse · 01/01/2008 19:00

I was very uncomfortable around two particular adults as a child. As an adult I have found out that my instincts were spot on. I should point out that I was never abused though.
I would see how the children are around him. Also, are the children particularly emotionally vunerable?

Swipe left for the next trending thread