to want to tell my sister i think her friend is weird and not to leave her kids with him

[mimi03]

A few months ago i went to my neices christening. shes 16mths. After the do we all went back to my sisters house and I met her god father for the first time.

Admittedly I probably spent all of about 15 mins with him but he totally gave me the creeps. he comes over arogant, smug and a bit of a pratt.

I asked my sister how they know him and she told me they have been mates with him for over a year now. He coaches at the football club her 2 sons attened. they are 12 and 10 yrs old. my sisters dh also coaches and manages the team so thats how they met. this guy has no kids and no girlfriend.

I am a pesemist and a sceptic and I dont trust him. my sister on the other hand is trusting and bubbly. She told me when I asked her that he has on occation left him to babysit for an hour while the kids slept. I want to tell her I think hes dodgy and not to be so trusting......but how the hell can i pop in to a conversation ' by the way i think your friend is weird and dont leave the kids alone with him' should i just keep my mouth shut?

I'm a firm believer in gut instincts - you get that funny feeling for a reason. Would recommend you just keep an eye on the situation and if the kids make any comments. Be pleasant to him, but err on the side of caution. With regards to age of children, sadly early puberty is often when abusers are attracted to children. Think it's a bad idea for any male not known very, very well to babysit children. A CRB check just means no offences, sadly, won't protect children fully. I would say something to your sister, just be very tactful. Even if she brushes it off, it will stay in the back of her mind.

tell her. its your opinion. My sister was sexually abused as a child by a 'friend' who baby sat. She can make up her own mind . my sister has had a very difficult time over the years and my mum has never forgiven herself

Gut instincts are not infallible and should never be the sole criteria for making accusations against people. How would you like it if it was you, your partner, your child, or your best friend, who was the subject of a whispering campaign (despite being entirely innnocent of any inappropriate intentions or behaviour) because some prat or other thought he/she must be a wierdo simply because he/she had no partner, or was not heterosexual or something? By all means keep a careful eye on a situation or person that you feel unsure about, but think and check and listen to other people before you start blabbering or stirring when you have no evidence other than what may just be your own prejudices.

(I am not saying the OP is prejudiced here because there is not that much information to go on: I do tend to use 'you' to mean 'people in general' and the example that comes to mind is a homophobic person might, for instance, feel uneasy about any gay people working with or having contact with children, purely down to ignorant prejudice).

I had a couple of near misses as a child, one with a stranger one with someone we knew, so I would say tell her but just be discreet about it.
Wouldnt tell her not to leave her kids with him, just that you felt there was something a bit odd about him, and leave it at that.
Instinct is often right, am presuming it was an instinctive reaction on your part, or did he say/do something strange?

I would say something to her, this does not have to be accusing in anyway just along the lines of 'he gives you the creeps/ makes you uncomfortable' and maybe depending on how good your relationship is with her say you would not be comfortable leaving your dc with him, because you are questioning her judgement and she would have every right to be upset and hurt

Check his pockets for werthers originals!

I am with the posters who say go with your gut reaction. I would mention it to your sister. I am very close with mine and would be able to say frankly that something about him disturbed me but that I couldn't necessarily explain what that was and then discuss it with her. She wouldn't take offence but would be interested to discuss it then make up her own mind. Depends what your relationship with her is like though - you might need to be a bit more subtle than this!!!

To those of you who likened this as starting a whispering campaign I think this is nothing of the sort. Its expressing concerns you have to a close relative about her children's safety. Not sticking up posters denouncing him as a paedophile!!!!

I think you would have to have a bit more to go on than thinking he was a bit wierd before saying anything to your sister. Otherwise your sister might be on the defensive and discount anything you said, especially if he turned out to be perfectly innocent and then later on you had better grounds for suspecting someone else.

If you are genuinely concerned then monitor the children and make sure that the channels of communication are open. I suspect it is probably just personality clash though.

The children's ages do not make them immune from abuse BTW.

mimi03 I am like you a pessimist and a sceptic, I would not leave my dcs with anyone other than close family until they learnt to talk and I would not leave my dcs at any age alone with anyone with whom I had just a year's acquaintance - instinct would not even come into it, I would see it as a risk. I think you should broach it with your sister, but as she is "trusting and bubbly" she might not take it seriously. Definitely keep a close eye on her dcs.

Most likely there is nothing to worry about but it is not a risk worth taking.