Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To just want a nice home.

49 replies

Longcovid21 · 07/02/2022 21:11

That I can invite DCs friends over or friends over to?
Due to a separation 5 years ago I moved to a new (posh) area. I could afford a small end of terrace house. It's way smaller than anything else in the catchment. The school mums are all middle class. Our house is a bit cluttered and now we have a puppy that keeps peeing everywhere. I feel like I can't invite anyone around. Please don't say people won't judge because we live in a very posh judgey area. I am paranoid that the house smells of dogs.

Any ideas please? Should we move!!
Jo

OP posts:

cuno · 07/02/2022 21:19

You don't need to move over this, could cost you a bloody fortune and for what, to not be judged. Judgey people will always find a reason to judge, so it's pointless. You need to have a good declutter (I know it's easier said than done), you can either do this in dribs and drabs or set aside a solid weekend to get through the bulk of it. Invest in some decorating if you haven't yet, look at ways to maximise space. It will probably be easier when dog is a bit older and trained. Plus then he won't be peeing everywhere. Plenty of people have dogs, including the judgiest and poshet people, so you won't be the only one in your posh judgey area with a dog!

cuno · 07/02/2022 21:21

Sorry I also should have added, I doubt they are all posh and judgey because they're middle class, judgey people are across all classes. Plus plenty of middle class people have cluttered homes! You will find some good friends, and those people will not judge you.

Honeyroar · 07/02/2022 21:23

You just need better friends.

Someone that likes dogs would just fawn over the puppy and not notice the smell!

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 07/02/2022 21:23

My house is never the best! Pre Covid it was always buzzing with extra dc!! We have ddogs. Always a bonus ime!!
Stop worrying op
.

Original poster

Longcovid21 · 07/02/2022 21:26

Thanks for these comments
I have a week off work next week so I think I will do a massive declutter.
I am also going to replace the carpet with laminate.
Honestly all these other families have massive homes. Perhaps I should have moved to a more diverse area. My last house was big but ex is still living there.

OP posts:

statetrooperstacey · 07/02/2022 21:35

Lots of people in big expensive houses still have carpets that smell of dogs piss op, even rich people have to house train pets !
Give it another few months then replace your flooring when dog is more reliable. Keep the house aired, use shake and vac, Wash dog bedding and toys regularly, wash dog when it smells, brush dog regularly

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 07/02/2022 21:38

I have a big house. Threadbare carpets!! Prob smells of ddogs!!
But... I remember 1 pancake day flipping for hours for nearly 20 dc!!
No shame here op. Dc are popular dc, happy to have mates here... More to life than living in a showhome.

Lampshading · 07/02/2022 21:38

I don't think they'll care anywhere near as much as you think, if at all. I got a scholarship to a very nice school of which the vast majority of my friends and their families were well bloody rich. My parents used to get really embarrassed having them over for sleepovers etc as we lived in a small, damp, dated and otherwise pretty crappy house on a council estate- any judgement was kept quiet and me and some friends I've kept in touch with don't mention it being horrible, we just talk about the fun we had and memories.

2bazookas · 07/02/2022 21:40

An uninterrupted week at home is a great chance to nail the puppy house-training.

Take him outside on a lead, every hour on the hour; wait till he starts to pee/poo and say the command word in a warm approving voice, Praise him and take him back inside. Just a good boy and a pat is enough; no need for big drama and treats. IF you give him that frequent, regular opportunity he will very quickly understand he's meant to do it outdoors.
(Please do not restrict his water dish).

The housetraining command word all my dogs learned, was "busy".
Long after they had perfected housetraining, didn't need to be taken out, reliably asked to be let out when needed, they never forgot the "busy" instruction. When you're travelling with a dog its very useful to have them go on command at a time and place that suits you (over a gutter drain, for example; or before boarding a bus/getting in the car.)

Gregsprinkles · 07/02/2022 22:02

Loads of middle class people have messy, cluttered homes. Having a pristine home is not a class thing - more a personality thing ime! Dogs do not help, it anyone who has a dog knows this! I am sure people are not judging you - and if they are, then you know that they aren't the ones you want to be friends with. I'm sure your DC friends won't even notice any mess either.

When I was a teen our house was cluttered and stank of cat piss (we had 9 at one point). Also tiny, and generally unclean. I was never allowed sleepovers or barely to have anyone over and it made me really sad. I'd go to other peoples houses with similar issues but all I really remember is their friendly, welcoming parents and wished one had been the same.

Gregsprinkles · 07/02/2022 22:02

Wished "mine" had been the same

Thewindwhispers · 07/02/2022 22:11

I think you’re being unfair to the other mums by assuming they’ll judge you. You are insecure. This is about you, not them.

I live in a pretty ‘big’ house. My cats keep puking and shedding piles of fur everywhere no matter how much I vaccum and before anyone comes round I spend about 2 hrs panic tidying to get eg the dead mouse out of the toybox.

I don’t judge others on the state of their houses (unless it reeks of fags) because I know what mine normally looks like! And I certainly don’t care about size.

I would judge someone for never reciprocating on hosting playdates though. So man up, stop assuming everyone else is as status-obsessed / houseproud as you are, and invite your friends round.

VivX · 07/02/2022 22:19

Some of the most "middle class" people I know have homes that look like the hoarders next door.

"Middle class" does not equal pristine house (or even clean/tidy house) by any means.

nodogz · 07/02/2022 22:21

I have a nice big Victorian house with family and a dog.

My friend split with her husband and bought a small, modern two bedroom Ed house and decorated it exactly to her taste.

I was obsessed. Even though I'm happy, I did love the idea of my own space and only my own mess. Your house could be exactly the same. She's coupled up again but I still think of her little house often.

I love houses, but it's the vibe I'm into. Is it happy? Do you feel welcome? Much more than size or decoration.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 07/02/2022 22:24

To be honest there is no reason for a puppy to be pissing everywhere. Restrict him to the kitchen when not fully supervised and put him out every 15 to 20 minutes, straight after he wakes or after he’s been playing.

scoobydoo1971 · 07/02/2022 22:25

I live in a huge Victorian house. It needs lots of work doing (fixer upper). I have children, 4 cats and 2 dogs. White vinegar delivered by Amazon is your friend in the war on pet smells. It is a safe method of getting rid of pet smells. Buy a carpet cleaner. I let my kids friends come around whatever state we are in...if their parents judge, let them...life is too short to worry.

Paranoidandroidmarvin · 07/02/2022 22:26

I agree with a previous poster. People who judge will judge no matter what. Do what makes u happy.

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/02/2022 22:26

I grew up in quite a posh area with a lot of big houses. Some people (including us when I was little), had small houses, and some of those people were divorcees with smaller incomes. I don’t remember anyone being judged about it.

Have a good clear up and if you can put a bit of money into a bit of paint or a new floor then do. And then welcome all comers!

MintJulia · 07/02/2022 22:27

A warm welcome and some home made flapjacks generally do the trick. Who would give a toot about the room sizes after that?

Sort the puppy though, even just temporarily.

FangsForTheMemory · 07/02/2022 22:30

I bought a tiny house so that I would be able to do it up nicely. One of my friends came to stay and turned her nose up at just about everything. She's now an ex friend.

Anyone who looks down on you for having a small or untidy house is not your friend.

Pigeonsdontliketrucks · 07/02/2022 22:40

I live in the smallest house of all my family and friends and I’m definitely not what anyone would call minimalist (or even, in fact, tidy) but everyone who comes over always says how comfortable they feel and what a nice vibe my house has. It’s definitely not always about size. Not in this respect anyway!

Twirldream · 07/02/2022 22:43

I feel similar op and Covid has been the perfect excuse not to have anyone visit.

We bought a house that needs work, particularly needing a new kitchen and bathroom, and I’m terrified that DC’s school friends’ parents will judge our home as being inferior (they are young enough to stay with their DC). I’ve never invited anyone from his school to home. He has been to some friends houses and they are all modern, well-decorated, and some obviously had expensive work done. We have money but DH prefers to be cautious about spending until we have much more saved.

I know this is my insecurity but it isn’t easily solved

Didioverstep · 07/02/2022 22:43

Did you buy op? People will always judge or be envious. Just ignore. I'm jealous if you have bought! Will probably be renting all my life! I would live to be able to buy even a small house

millymolls · 07/02/2022 22:48

Anyone who would judge your home don’t deserve to be there

As long as your home is friendly and welcoming people won’t care

I live in what I guess you’d class as large middle class house. 2 kids, 2 dogs, house always a tip! My best friend lives in s 1 bed flat. Why would I judge that? Lovely person, would do anything for anyone
Kids don’t care about this sort of shit
Invite people over !

justasking111 · 07/02/2022 22:51

Kids don't judge they'll love the puppy. Just make happy memories and ignore the fun sponges

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread