To just want a nice home.

[Longcovid21]

That I can invite DCs friends over or friends over to?
Due to a separation 5 years ago I moved to a new (posh) area. I could afford a small end of terrace house. It's way smaller than anything else in the catchment. The school mums are all middle class. Our house is a bit cluttered and now we have a puppy that keeps peeing everywhere. I feel like I can't invite anyone around. Please don't say people won't judge because we live in a very posh judgey area. I am paranoid that the house smells of dogs.

Any ideas please? Should we move!!
Jo

@Didioverstep yes I did. It was a struggle to afford it whilst ex was still in the family home. So I should be grateful that I found somewhere that I can afford. But the 2 dcs share a tiny box room. Hey ho. It's warm and quite cozy just nowhere near a showhome.

This isn't about the house, it's about you. I think you have a chip on your shoulder because you used to live in a big house.
If you lived in a nicer house in a dodgier area, you would be paranoid about that too.
I just think you need to 'own it'. Nobody will be surprised if your house is smaller if you are a single parent/divorced! They all know they would be in the same situation. Just try and make it look nice / cool on the inside, you can certainly get kudos for that. And in terms of the children, I would have thought the puppy would be a major asset and the children would be falling over themselves to come round to yours, and the parents will mainly focus on that!
We have an average house that is messy, but it has quite a big garden with a trampoline, and in our neck of the woods that was our biggest asset, and we milked it. The children all loved it and we would have the parents over for a drink in the garden. Nobody had to see the inside, particularly.
Just be yourself, and don't even think about the house - I think other women judge the person, not the house.

Well OP I'm proper posh and grew up in a big house.
Now very middle class living in a Naice House.

What I like when going to visit friends: a warm welcome, nice coffee (but crap coffee will do if there's milk & sugar). Ideally a place to park my bum while we sit and have a chinwag. That could be the floor, or could be a stool, it could be an expensive upholstered armchair- I don't care. Welcome me in and I'm happy.

If there's a puppy that's a bonus.

I don't give a shit about how clean & tidy it is.

I'd love to come round and meet you and your puppy, and esp if you told me you'd started anew to have a happy life, I'd be cheering you to the rafters.

Anyone who thinks otherwise isn't worth knowing.

I live in a pretty nice house in a pretty nice area. DC envy their friend who lives in a bigger house! There’ll always be someone who has ‘more’. Be welcoming and interested and their friends will want to hang out at yours.

You can solve the dog piss problem very quickly

I grew up in a huge Victorian house (my children call it a mansion ) filled with antiques. A lot of my friends did too, but equally some loved in little terraces. I never saw one as better than the other, in fact I often envied how close the families in small houses felt, none of that disappearing off to different rooms.

Yes, there will be judgy people. I came across some horrendous snobs when I lived in a little house as a single mum. Let them judge, you'll find the genuine people. I have friends from every corner of society and the true friends haven't cared what size house I have.

Aw @poshme you nearly made me cry. I'm trying to build back a friendship group as I had to leave all my old friends behind. You sound great.

For the dog wee - we have a puppy too and bought a carpet cleaning hoover thing which works really well.

If you're anxious about the smell of dog, don't get a dog.
Yes, some people don't like the smell of dog.

You'll have to choose friends who like smelling dog when they come round. So just choose specific friends to invite and don't expect everyone to be really keen.

Some people really don't like dogs. But you've worked out already on this thread, some people do! So you'll be fine without moving just give it time.

I live in a 2 up 2 down (knocked through to 1 down) I just took the attitude that I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who looked down their nose at it. Worked for me. Dd2 had two friends with huge houses. I honestly don't think they thought less of us for it. One of the mums was just down to earth and the other I think just liked us based on our personality, which is all any normal person worth knowing would care about

I love my friends for their friendship, kindness and accepting me as I am. I’ve friends with a variety of house sizes - one inherited and bought an £800k massive house in a village that’s probably worth £1.5mil now. Other friends are in ex council house with lots of clutter but it’s clean. Another is newly divorced and in a smaller home with stuff everywhere as house is much smaller. Other has small but immaculate home. These are just a few I can think of. I’d struggle if the kitchen wasn’t hygienic but I’m there to see my friend not their home.

I have probably the smallest and least stylish house of any of the DC's friends. They don't care. I'm gradually redecorating the house and it will (eventually) be small and stylish, but in the meantime I provide good snacks, a standing weekly open invitation to stay for dinner, and a sympathetic ear to visiting teenagers, and the house is generally full of teens.

Don't move if you are otherwise happy in your area and children's school etc. I can totally relate, as felt similar in our previous house which we lived in for a long time. Looking back, I wish I had invited people round more as it totally doesn't matter, what's important is making your guests welcome. Yes, make your house your own (pictures in your style, soft furnishings). Try and be happy in your own skin and visitors won't mind at all.

Never be worried your house is too small, have you seen the size of flats in london

Are your dc happy in your new home, have they settled in? Do you like your new home?
Because If you and the dc are happy and feel settled then who cares what anyone else thinks!!?

Get the dog toilet trained cos wee and poo does not make for a pleasant living environment!
But fill your house with love and laughter and it will be your haven

If I were you, I'd work on making your house a home that you love living in. If you are bothered by clutter, work out some new storage systems that work for your new home. Then focus on making the place feel like a lovely, comfortable home which you like being in. Then enjoy it and forget about anyone else's opinion! As pp said, this is your space with your stuff in, you can have it just as you like it!

I’m sorry but I will be direct. You sound like one of those little kids who say they should be allowed to do something as literally everyone else is allowed to do it.

There is no way every other parent lives in a massive house. And saying that your house is the smallest in the catchment,the sheer fact you live in a terrace shows other smaller homes exist in your “posh “ area. Your neighbours for one.

honestly this is on you. Stop judging on where people live and the size of their homes. Let it go. It’s so snobby and shallow. Stop focusing on what others have. Just be you, that’s all that matters.

Round here people with big, fancy homes wouldn’t notice the dog smell as they all have big, stinky labs and they’ve gone nose blind to quote the Febreeze advert. I know we do 😂. Maybe if the pee is really bad they’d smell it but not general dog smell. I couldn’t care less how you’re house looks, I’d be visiting to see you but a general declutter, good hoover and a nice smelling candle will help make you feel better about it.

If your house smells of dog piss, expect to be judged. Having a clean, not bad smelling house is not exactly a characteristic you’re born with that you cannot change.

You don’t have to dislike dogs to find dog piss smell gross. What is wrong with people’s standards that having a hygienic house is now akin to being an animal hater.

Having a dog that pees everywhere is a matter of choice. It is solveable, but you have chosen it, so I'm not sure what you want us to say on that.

The house itself, you have less choice. Though I wouldn't describe having a big house in a nice area as "just" (as per your title) - it's quite a substantial thing.

I live in a two bedroom massionette with my mum who had dementia, my daughter, 2 x dogs and one cat. My Nana said to me that your home will always be your Palace if you keep it clean.
I only have in it what we love , I can't bear clutter. It is my sanctuary, all my friends live in big houses but I don't care, I love my home. I don't have any carpets which helps if there are any accidents Xx