I’m *really* angry.

[AngryHopefulLady]

I’m really angry.

I miscarried in October but seemed to return to normal 30-day cycles until December, when I started to get spotting midcycle. Of course, at the time you might chalk it up to implantation bleeds, but I tested negative, and had a subsequent period.

I had what I thought was a period 25th Jan – 29th – VERY light.
I had purchased a digital ovulation kit that tracks oestrogen and LH, and 2 days ago (6th Feb) it started flashing, meaning an Oestrogen rise. This means that we should be trying to conceive. I also started bleeding again. Not VERY light, but still light.

My husband an anxious that the bleeding is a sign of something more sinister/concerning.

I’ve spoken to my GP, and a nurse via BUPA. Both have advised waiting another month or so to see if abnormalities continue.

I articulated to my husband that I was anxious he would find the situation repulsive – assuming we would still try for a baby despite the light bleeding. He reacted to this by saying I had put the onus on him to decide.

For context, we have never had sex while I have been on my period, and he has stated in the past wanting to avoid sexual content around my period.

I feel close to mental collapse – I am blaming myself and my body for failing me when I just want to get pregnant again. After losing a baby at 8 weeks. After that destroyed me.

The prospect of missing this month because of light bleeding is disappointing. Crushing. It’s also making me really f*cking mad.

Because a sure-fire way to NOT get pregnant is to not try at all.

Because my bleeding is a f*cking inconvenience.

Because I feel really alone.

Am I alone? Has anyone here conceived whilst also experiencing inter-cycle bleeding?

I'm so sorry for your loss

As gently as possible, it's not fair to be angry at him (I can see why you are angry at the situation).

I would suggest you use the month to take care of yourself as much as possible.

I haven't been in your situation but didn't want to read and run.
It sounds like you've had a hell of a time and while I completely understand your desire to get pregnant asap it may not be the best thing for you.
The medical advice is not to try right now and I would worry that if you did get pregnant it would then be very stressful for you as you had gone against medical advice .

I wish you well whatever you decide.

With the kindest of intentions yabvu

It is ok for anyone to decline sex, to say no at any time for any reason. Your dh did not want to have sex, that's ok, you can't demand it just because it's your time to conceive. It's his body and his choice.

Personally I would not want to have sec with someone who was bleeding, my choice.

I think your trauma may be clouding your judgement but you can not force (as in emotional blackmail) your husband to have sex just because you want a baby

I'm so sorry.. loosing babies is really hard.

Firstly, take a breath. I know completely what it feels like to loose a baby and to feel like you're desperate to conceive again. Whether it's timings you don't want to miss, or everyone else around you having babies or being pregnant and you want to join them asap or even if it's just trying to 'fix' the fact that you lost one and had to start over. It's all shit.

But you really do need to take a second to relax and it'll happen in its own time.

Please focus on yourself and your relationship with your partner. He'll be feeling the loss too and maybe he's trying to protect himself as well?

In the grand scheme of things, there's really no rush. Try not to talk about it at all for a month or two, just give you both a chance to appreciate each other without the pressure.

Good luck 🍀

I am very sorry for your loss. Is your pap smears up to date? They might be worried its something sinister and then being pregnant and dealing with that is not good for mum or baby.

Sorry for your loss, op. However yabu to angry at your husband. He's worried about you and you also can't force him to have sex if it's something he's uncomfortable with. In the grand scheme of things, one month is nothing. You should head to the doctor, maybe get a scan to make sure yi havent retained anything

Sorry for your loss, but it’s not right to be angry especially at your husband

The way I see it it that this is your bodies way of saying it’s not ready yet for another pregnancy. Hard as it is surely it’s better to wait for tests and make sure everything’s ok than carry on and perhaps have more losses

You must be so frustrated but in the grand scheme of things your baby will maybe be a month or two younger than if you go for it now? Could you just do some nice things with your DH? Cinema? Dinner out? Dates?

You need to think logically right now, though I appreciate that it’s hard, I really do.

IF your bleeding symptoms do require further investigation you really don’t want to be pregnant and have to delay investigations/treatments. It really would be best all round to delay ttc until anything sinister can be ruled out. Is going private an option?

Take the pressure off yourself and your DH and concentrate on your health at the moment. It’s most likely one of those quirks of the female reproductive system but on the off chance it’s not you could find yourself in a horrible position.

Have you got a doctors appointment booked?

I think I’d try and get an appointment asap re bleeding. Would private be an option? I can understand your husband is worried about you and wants you to be ok.

It can be usual to spot and have irregular periods for a while after a miscarriage. I had two at 12 weeks and my periods didn’t regulate for a couple of months, I definitely had random spotting too.

I understand how you feel, I totally get the desperation to conceive again ASAP because I’ve been there. It’s probably better to wait for your periods to return to normal before TTC if possible though. I’m sorry for your loss .

That must be horrible and I really understand your frustration and rage. But: it is not fair to direct it at your dh. It is the situation that is enraging. Loads and loads of sympathy to you both for this.

In your position I would want to be as sure as I could, that I was completely healed from the m/c for the best start for resuming ttc. In other words, heed the medical advice. Suppose you had a slight infection for example? Better to get that sorted, then move forwards, I think?

Sorry for your loss
However yabvu. He is in his own right to decline to have sex with you, even if you wasn’t bleeding.

I'm really sorry about what you're going through, and I can completely see why you're feeling so desperate about your situation. But I also think you need to be a bit kinder to a) your husband and b) yourself.

Your miscarriage really wasn't very long ago, in the big scheme of things. Your hormones are probably all over the place and your body probably needs some time to settle down. I think you need to focus on looking after yourself and accepting that your body isn't your enemy - and neither is your husband.

It sounds as if your husband is actually quite worried about you, and is more focused on making sure your health is OK than making this month the month you conceive. I'm pretty sure that a lot of men, even if they weren't actually squeamish about sex with a woman on her period, might be uncomfortable in your husband's situation - you've said that he's anxious that your bleeding might be something more serious, and that sort of anxiety would make most people uncomfortable about sex, I think. Ultimately, nobody should feel pressured into having sex or resented for not wanting it.

I know it feels like you have to take every single possible chance to get pregnant as quickly as possible, but it really does sound like your body might need a break. Try to accept that this month isn't the right time for you, and also remember that you and your husband are two people who love each other and find each other attractive, as well as two people who are trying to have a baby. Maybe this is the month to give yourselves a rest and spend some time doing nice stuff together, if you can.

I am so sorry you have suffered this loss
Imho you sound upset and in mourning for the baby you lost. I am not going to say what you want to hear but honesty listen to what the Gp and BUPA are saying . I am so sorry OP . It's very upsetting losing a baby & you are grieving but I do think it's unreasonable of you to expect your Dh to have sex with you when he doesn't want to . Have you asked him how he is feeling , he is probably very upset too . Talk to each other .

I’m so sorry for your loss and what you’re going through. I get it, I really do.
After my 1st MC I was right, forgot it, move on try again. I got pregnant straight away. Unfortunately that pregnancy was a Molar Pregnancy and involved monthly tests for 6 mths and we were advised not to try again unfortunately 12mths. I was devastated but ultimately it was the right thing for us and gave me time to deal with the MCs and for my body to recover and periods to settle.
I did go on to have a successful pregnancy after this time.
Try not to be too hard on your husband as he will be feeling the loss too.
.

Thank you.

I'm not angry at him really, just the situation I find myself in.

I am not trying to make him have sex when he doesn't want to. I am well aware of those double standards.

I've come to the conclusion I must be on my period now so I suppose I should wait and start again come the end of it! First bleed is day one after all 👍.

I just feel really really alone. We've spent a lot of time talking about it. You can't ignore the fact that childbearers get the thick end of the wedge when it comes to TTC and baby loss.

I don't have many channels I can vent my side without feeling concerned for the other party

@AngryHopefulLady if it’s any reassurance, I have conceived twice (one healthy toddler, currently pregnant) whilst having large amounts of spotting in the middle and end of my cycles. I fretted as well as thought it would mean there was a problem, but it’s not been. Best of luck x

@casmama the medical advice is to wait another month before I can escalate for irregular bleeds, rather than the conceiving part. Sorry I should have been clearer.

I'm confused about my bloomin' cycle and just want to know what's going on. Its something my husband is particularly anxious about and asks me lots of questions and gets really anxious which can be counter intuitive when trying to get in the mindset for TTC!

@Scrunchies I had spotting before I lost the baby so I can imagine it will be v nerve wracking for me!!

@AngryHopefulLady also my post might sound trite, it’s not, I had my own fertility journey and I get how crazy it makes you. I’m sorry for your loss.

@incognitoforthisone you are so so right. On all counts

Thank you ❤️

After my first miscarriage I started spotting in the run up to my periods which had never happened before. I then had another miscarriage and got a private prescription for progesterone (amongst a bunch of other medications) and I'm now 38 weeks' pregnant so maybe see if you can get some progesterone if your spotting continues? Also worth having a look at 'It Starts with the Egg' and taking the supplements recommended - it made me feel like I was doing something useful whilst waiting to TTC again. Best of luck OP and so sorry for your loss.

@T00Ts they won't refer just yet. Fingers crossed I won't need to be.

I think many of you have given good advice.

It's just horrible how time seems to expand into infinity when you measure it in days and put so much emphasis on waiting!