AIBU to not want DH looking through my phone?

[NWE231]

I'll be honest I'm protective over my mobile, I don't like other people snooping through it, I wouldn't snoop through someone elses as I'd respect their privacy!

There's nothing to hide, I'm not cheating, I'm not speaking to anyone I shouldn't, not even watching any adult content ffs. I'll let my brother or sister use my phone no problem as I know they will not search through it but sadly I know DH will if he had half a chance.

Case in point, years ago I let him use my laptop and 30mins later he came storming back to question me on my internet history... Literally the first thing he did was search through it. The thing he was so concerned about? I clicked on another mans profile on facebook, this guy lived 200miles away and it was my friend who sent it to me as she was seeing him. He was still really suspicious but anyone with eyes could have seen it was nothing to be concerned about.

Anyway he has been moaning about it again today saying he doesn't know my passcode and what am I hiding. It's pissing me off so much I'm tempted to tell him the passcode he can search through my phone see there is nothing then I'll kick the fucker out the door.

No, I wouldn’t let anyone search through my phone for evidence. If I’m in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t trust me then my relationship is over and I’m happy to wave goodbye to them, for the sanity and well-being of us both.

Though I think I’m in a minority: MNers who are suspicious of their DH because he’s “liked” some woman’s photos on FB or looked up his ex or a female friend are generally told to get hold of his phone whilst he’s sleeping and look at his messages.

Oh and if I did let him audit my phone ever so often I'd get a million general questions and I'm not going to justify every click. "why did you want that" "whats this" etc etc fuck that.

That would drive me crazy. He doesn’t trust you does he? Hmmm. I don’t think I could be with someone who doesn’t trust me.

In what other ways does he like to control your life? I would not allow my dh to do this, despite having less than nothing to hide. There must surely be some privacy in life, even if you are married? I sense the relationship is not brilliant anyway?

@ComtesseDeSpair

No, I wouldn’t let anyone search through my phone for evidence. If I’m in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t trust me then my relationship is over and I’m happy to wave goodbye to them, for the sanity and well-being of us both.

Though I think I’m in a minority: MNers who are suspicious of their DH because he’s “liked” some woman’s photos on FB or looked up his ex or a female friend are generally told to get hold of his phone whilst he’s sleeping and look at his messages.

Exactly this, this is how I feel it should be.

So you're married to a jealous, possessive, controlling arsehole.

Give him your phone and password. Let him look through it. Make sure your search history includes "how to divorce a controlling husband" and "UK law on controlling behaviour".

YANBU, i feel the same about my phone. its private and no-one elses business whats on there, married or not.

I wouldn’t let anyone do this.

sorry but I wouldnt be letting him near my phone. I wouldnt let him touch my laptop again if he was using it to check my history. I would be telling him to get some help for his controlling and jealous behaviour.

Not controlling in any other way but he'll admit himself he is a jealous person, his DH is the same with his DW which is worrying.

No, don't let him search your phone before you kick him put, just kick him out.

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

DH and I know each others passwords, mainly because we occasionally use each others phones and laptops, or DSIS will use them when she visits.

But actually looking at search histories and feeling entitled to protest about them? No fucking way!!

I am guessing you haven't comandeered his phone and run through his privacy in the same way?

@NWE231

Not controlling in any other way but he'll admit himself he is a jealous person, his DH is the same with his DW which is worrying.

Sorry his DAD is the same

He's controlling and doesn't trust you. If you don't have kids then I'd be getting a divorce.

His paranoia is his problem, not yours. He’s being a giant arsehole.

@SamphiretheStickerist

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

DH and I know each others passwords, mainly because we occasionally use each others phones and laptops, or DSIS will use them when she visits.

But actually looking at search histories and feeling entitled to protest about them? No fucking way!!

I am guessing you haven't comandeered his phone and run through his privacy in the same way?

I'd never look through his phone.

I totally agree with you
I have private conversations with my best friends
If you can't have that bit of privacy then what can you have?!

From what you’ve said you’re not protective of your mobile, as you’ll let your brother and sister use it.

You have a DH who is hugely overstepping and if given the chance goes trawling through your phone and search history and then expects you to justify any everything on there.

It’s not normal, it’s not ok and he needs to deal with his own issues.

No, this is all wrong.
He doesn't trust you and sounds controlling.
He's assuming you're hiding something because he doesn't know your passcode.
Don't let him look through your phone and then decide whether you want to stay with someone like this.

There should be enough trust in a relationship that people don't need to snoop through each other's phones. And similarly enough trust that you could lend each other your laptop or phone for some purpose without the other person then taking advantage by snooping through browser history or reading WhatsApp messages or whatever.

‘Jealous’ is the acceptable word for controlling.

Posted too soon. Being jealous is a feeling and his problem. Acting on that jealously is being controlling and making it your problem.

YANBU what's on my phone is my little island of privacy.

There's literally nothing incriminating on there, nor remotely exciting but my digital footprint is between me, my phone and google.

Plus, I converse a lot with my friends via messaging apps because we're all working parents and aligning the stars to speak is a rare event and think no one else's business what our conversations are about.

For what it's worth, I feel the same about my handbag and purse.

Google how to divorce a twat and leave your phone around.

@AmandaHoldensLips

So you're married to a jealous, possessive, controlling arsehole.

Give him your phone and password. Let him look through it. Make sure your search history includes "how to divorce a controlling husband" and "UK law on controlling behaviour".

OP make everybody's day & do this - please!

Yanbu.
I'm not overly bothered about my phone, in that I don't really do anything on it other than read using my kindle app, so my husband could go through it if he wanted and I honestly wouldn't care. However your phone is your phone, and you have things on there that you want to keep for yourself. It's nobody else's business what you're up to on it. Your DH doesn't trust you, that much is clear. He's controlling! I think you need to have a think about what you really want out of your relationship, can you live like this for the rest of your life?