Do I tell his family??? ***Edited by MNHQ to say that sadly this requires a content warning for the loss of a child***

[Xpxa]

Cut a long story short. I have been seeing this guy for just over 2 years. I fell pregnant in and was Due any day now, he was angry to begin with told me to get rid etc but eventually told me he'd be there for me when I said I was keeping baby. He never attended any scans etc even found out sex of baby for his sake and he was happy to be having a boy as he already has a DD. He didn't support me throughout my pregnancy and played a backseat role and didn't speak much about it, I questioned several times when I'd meet his family or if he'd told them we was expecting as he can't just land a baby on them. & it was very immature of him to think that this was acceptable ( we are both 26 )

Fast forward, I gave birth to my beautiful son at 36 weeks on 20th jan, he was stillborn. He wasn't there at the birth and didn't come and see his son on the day or the days after that I went to visit him in the hospital to say final goodbyes. I have been besides myself hurt angry at the world how cruel it can be for good people for this to happen. He hasn't done nothing. Infact he just says he is sorry. That is it. He isn't there for me when I'm struggling and finding everyday things so hard right now I'm screaming suffocating crying constantly it's horrific I would never wish this pain on anybody.

I feel so angry and like i want to message his family to inform them that we had a son together, HIS CHILD and not one person knows. Am I being out of order? I don't want to be with him because of his actions regarding this whole subject. For a man who I love to not be there for me at the worst time of my life I can never forgive him for that.

Firstly, I am so, so sorry for your terrible loss. You are (very understandably) grieving the loss of your baby, but you are looking for comfort and support from the wrong person. He has shown you repeatedly that he simply isn’t the loving partner you want (or need, or deserve) him to be. All of your feelings (sadness, disappointment, bitterness, betrayal, anger, etc.. ) about him are valid, but he won’t change. Expecting him to suddenly grow up and become a caring, compassionate man is unrealistic. You need to get counselling to cope with your grief and to improve your self esteem. You need to seek comfort from your family and friends. You need to see that your relationship with this man is over because you can’t have gone through all of those things alone and remain unchanged. You have grown and matured and he is still an emotionally crippled manchild.

Oh, dear heart, I’m so very sorry.

I don’t see how telling his family will accomplish much.
They’re his family and will no doubt stand by him. They might even say abusive things to you, which you don’t deserve and definitely don’t need right now.
I completely understand your anger and wanting to get back at him, but I just don’t think telling his family will have the results you desire.
Again, I’m just so sorry. You’re in my heart. ❤️

I am so sorry for your loss. This is so horrible for you to be going through.

I don't believe contacting his family will do anything other than to create unnecessary drama for you that you really don't need. You would be doing so out of hate and it won't make you feel any better.

Professional counselling is the only thing you can do at the moment.

thanks for your replies, I know I don't know how to feel right now my heart is just broken, I just am so angry at him and find it hard that someone who I have lived and given my all too is so selfish, and he is already a dad, a really good one Infact it's mental!! Just hate that he can just live life like normal and nobody know about his son, he makes me sick x

I have counselling booked for 6 weeks time as there's a waiting list.. I'm taking each day as it comes, I didn't want to wash for a week after having my son as I didn't want to feel like washing the smell of him off of my chest. It's utterly heartbreaking and I will forever question if there is such thing as a god why this happened to me😢💔

loved* not lived

So sorry for your loss. Your partner doesn’t deserve you at all and you are grieving your relationship as well as your baby.

I’ve heard excellent things as out SANDS, you could reach out to them for support? www.sands.org.uk/support-you

Oh my darling, I'm so sad for you.

I am so sorry for your loss. I am recently bereaved. But it wasn't my child and I can not imagine how awful this must be for you. Nothing can compare to that.

I totally understand why you want them to know. Everyone should know. Everyone should know and everyone should stop and pay tribute to your son and acknowledge your pain. The world should stop and Everyone should know. Everyone should feel his loss.

But, from the outside, I don't think it's a good idea. If they don't react how you would hope, it could make things for you worse. I know that probably doesn't feel possible. But if they also don't provide any support or just step back and follow your exs lead, it could make the whole thing worse. For you.

Right now, you are the priority. I understand why you feel this way. I am just concerned for you. Looking after yourself is the priority and this is, probably, not the way.

I was on your other thread lovely. Can you contact your GP and ask for the counselling to be brought forward as you are close to crisis point? You were active on your other thread in the wee small hours. It's indicative of the pain you are in and you need to let your GP know. Your feelings are possibly threefold: bereavement, relationship breakdown/support and potential post natal depression. Please make a GP appointment urgently and request specialist help.

Do you have your own family for support?

I wouldn’t contact his family to be honest, it will likely just add another layer of frustration and problems. But I see why you would want to.

i hope hes an ex now, what a twat

@RosesAndHellebores

I was on your other thread lovely. Can you contact your GP and ask for the counselling to be brought forward as you are close to crisis point? You were active on your other thread in the wee small hours. It's indicative of the pain you are in and you need to let your GP know. Your feelings are possibly threefold: bereavement, relationship breakdown/support and potential post natal depression. Please make a GP appointment urgently and request specialist help.

Do you have your own family for support?

I wouldn’t contact his family to be honest, it will likely just add another layer of frustration and problems. But I see why you would want to.

yeah I have spoken to my GP and have a prescription to collect tomorrow (well someone else for me) for some sleeping tablets, I have lots of people who are helping me and talking to me daily etc and I'm so grateful for them, I don't really think counselling will make much difference as the fact of the matter is either way I've got to live knowing I grew and carried my beautiful son to lie here with nothing now it's hard. I'm just angry right now and I realise I'm allowed to be, just feel like why did I ever ever think I loved someone so vile x x

@RosesAndHellebores

I was on your other thread lovely. Can you contact your GP and ask for the counselling to be brought forward as you are close to crisis point? You were active on your other thread in the wee small hours. It's indicative of the pain you are in and you need to let your GP know. Your feelings are possibly threefold: bereavement, relationship breakdown/support and potential post natal depression. Please make a GP appointment urgently and request specialist help.

Do you have your own family for support?

I wouldn’t contact his family to be honest, it will likely just add another layer of frustration and problems. But I see why you would want to.

but I've been given an appointment and told I'll be phoned if any cancellations etc xx

@Kuachui

i hope hes an ex now, what a twat

absolute prick I know x

I am so sorry for your loss.
Please do as pp says, and contact your gp and get any other help available. 6 weeks is too long.
Sending you love and strength. 💔

just to add I have fantastic family and friends who have been checking on me and here for me, I'm angry at the whole damn world and i can't begin to describe the pain I have inside it's the worst.

I guess I'm just angry and hate him so much and can't understand how he can go through life not even having seen a photo of his son, or anything. Or knowing his family never even knew he was expecting another child, it's crazy.,

Thank you for your comments.. i have contacted gp and been given some sleeping tablets.. I also have been on sands website but come off as people was posting photos of their babies and I couldn't face seeing it as my sons face is constantly in my head day and night but I do understand people grieve in different ways.

Time is a healer and I'll keep going taking it day by day knowing my baby is always with me x

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy. What an awful thing to happen to you.

It's so good you have lots of support. Please don't have any more to do with this man. He has shown you how awful he is.

@Zonder

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy. What an awful thing to happen to you. It's so good you have lots of support. Please don't have any more to do with this man. He has shown you how awful he is.

Just devestated as I love him and 2 years of sticking by him and growing a life that is half of the person you love just heartbreaking 😭 x

I'm so so sorry about your loss, it's the cruelest pain. I don't think telling his family will help you but I understand your desire for your baby to be known, I think that's what lies at the heart of this but I don't think you'll find your relief this way xxx

It's totally devastating. All of it. Is this out of character or has he always been a bit of a snake? Counselling will help, and so will time but it's so hard to face both of these things at the same time. You will get through it but it is so hard.

I am so so sorry for your loss. x

I couldn't read and run. I'm so sorry for your loss. In honesty he sound like a arse. I think you need to walk away from him/his family and never speak again, for your sake 💙 sending hugs.

Im so so sorry for your loss.

As you telling his family, I am thinking of you alone when I say this.

I totally understand why you want your son acknowledged and remembered, every mother would feel the same.

But, supposing they reject you and in turn your son, would that make you feel worse? I just don't know how much more a person can take?

Again, I'm so sorry for you xx

I'm so sorry for your loss x

Oh OP I'm so, so sorry. I would cut all contact with him now if you can x

So you haven’t met any of his family in the two years you have been together? That’s strange OP he’s basically kept you a secret? Does he not post you on social media? He should of been man enough to tell you that he didn’t want to be involved as he clearly didn’t.
You need to walk away from him x